Poof Chronicles 2: THe Dorkcepticons
by PenFandango
Summary: Yes, Team PaperWyngz is back at it again and this time they're messing up Detroit!  Huge robot fights, Dead Bots walking, , we got it all wrapped up in one load of random spoot!  I suck at summaries.
1. Chapter 1

"Phantom!"

The little minion perked his head up from the pile of scrap. "Yes, mistress?"

"Drumroll, please~!"

The plushie took a record from some random spot conveniently close to him and set it on the player. As the beat poured out-

"Hey there, spootheads~!" Pen faced the audience. "Thank you for clicking here. SO glad you could join us all for Poof Chronicles…wait for it…wait for it…."

"Just SAY it already, Pen." Kahmelion sipped her Dr. Pepper and flipped her page in _Divergent._

"Poof Chronicles 2~! As the title implies, this is a sequel to Poof Chronicles 1: Professor Layton and the Peculiar Artists. You don't have to if you don't want to, but as an amateur authoress, I ask that you read the original first. You can find it in the Professor Layton section under Games. In case it helps, the rating is K+ and tagged with the character 'Clive.' Wave to the lovely people, Clive."

"You wave to them." He replied indignantly.

"…Thanks, Clive~! Now, on with the show~!"

* * *

><p>Poof Chronicles 2: The Dorkcepticons<p>

Ch 1: Here it Goes, Here it Goes, Here it Goes Again.

* * *

><p>"Slag…slag…slaggity, slaggity SLAG!" Bee mashed the buttons on his controller. He was losing BADLY. To his left on the cement couch Sari smirked before one Falcon Punch meant game over.<p>

"You are KIDDING me…How does KIRBY beat CAPTAIN FALCON with his own power!"

"It's all in the technique. You have to use your character's ability, and my character's ability is to use your character's ability times ten to kick your bumper."

"This vintage game su-OW!"

Ratchet had just bonked the younger bot something fierce. "Then MAYBE you should get your tailpipe off the couch and go on PATROL? It's your turn again."

"Earth Tuesday already? Yeesh. I'll get going." Bumblebee dragged his feet and transformed the absolute SLOWEST he could. Sari strapped on her jetpack and Bulkhead soon followed. They took off onto the streets and began their routine patrol. A lot had happened since "Endgame" my dear fellow fans. Black Arachnea and Waspinator were still on the lamb, and many presumed them dead. Optimus was offered the position of Magnus, and everyone and their grandmotherboard expected him to take it, but he refused in the end. With Ultra stabilized, there was really no reason for a new magnus, and he was content where he was. The Earthbound autobots were the best team in the universe in his eyes. Cheesey, yes, but shut up and pay attention. It'll pick up after the brief recap. Prowl was layed to rest in his old Master Yoketron's Dojo. The team missed him something fierce, but they went on. It was incredibly hard for Bee to cope. Slag, it was hard for everybody, but Bumblebee looked up to him like an older brother. He'd never admit it though. The decepticons were all either locked up or on the Cybertron most wanted, so maybe the ninja could rest in peace.

Suddenly, breaking and shaking them from their nostalgic reminiscing, a vintage white Volvo shot across the free way like a bat out of you-know-where-I'm-not-gonna-say-this-is-a-rated-K+-fanfic. Bee and Bulkhead quickly transformed to bot mode as the runaway car sped out into the intersection and the other vehicles stopped dead in their tracks or screeched to a halt via pile-up. As a continuous, loud, high-pitched scream followed and receded in its destructive wake, Sari realized as it went over the bridge-

"There's someone on top of that car!"

That wasn't even the weirdest part. It was going 200 mph BACKWARDS!

* * *

><p>The Volvo landed with a heavy crash of glass windshield but kept on going. An average-looking non-pretty teenager wearing a loose pink shirt, worn blue jeans, hella worn vans, an organge bottlecap green strap choker necklace and ray bans on top of her head clung onto the trunk for dear life. Her brown eyes were wide-open and her short, layered brown hair whipped behind her in the wind. She was gonna die, right here and now, she was sure of it. She couldn't help she was a certified idiot AND mary-sue AND a card-carrying dork. Let's go poof to Detroit in two-thousand unknown in the future she said. No, let's go get some food Kahmelion said. Why oh WHY did she not listen this ONE time!<p>

As she continued to scream her lungs out, the cop sirens faded in the distance. The Volvo spun out and rounded the corner, crashing it's side into a building and sending some little schoolgirls running for cover. "THIS WOULD BE SO AWESOME IF I LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE!"

Yeah, the little car was fast, but Bee was WAY faster. They caught up in nothing flat. He ran right next to it, Sari jumping off and flanking from the other side, and Bulkhead following close behind wrecking ball at the ready. He poised his stinger.

"Driver! SLOW the SLAG down or I WILL use FORCE!"

"Bee!" Sari called, wielding her energy blades. "You do realize if you _shoot _the hostage will _DIE, _ya motorhead!"

"Hey, this guy doesn't seem too concerned about the girl. Hey, how are ya?" He shouted at the brunette clinging for dear life. Through her screams she replied with the question,

"DO I _HAVE _TO ANSWER THAT!"

"Don't worry, miss, we're gonna get you outta here, hopefully online!"

"Oh, thanks! That sounds like a good plan, I'm ALL for it!"

"I'm Bumblebee, in case you live under a rock! You got a name!"

"Pen Fandgo-OOOOOOOOO!" She pitched as the car suddenly changed direction without warning. Her voice receeded as the vehicle climbed in speed, and the team upped their own.

"SLAG! Sari, why didn't you stop him!"

"HEY! I didn't expect that anymore than you did! I was in the air, he drove UNDER me!"

Bulkhead wheezed behind them. "I….think I….should sit…this one….down…WHOOO….that car's fast…"

The white Volvo veered off, off of the STREET! In fact, it was frikkin' suicidal! The car crashed right through a store window!"

"SLAG! The hostage!"

"..I'm okay…"the girl weekly answered, only to be cut off by the car crashing out through the other wall.

"HOLY MOTHER OF PRIMUS!" Bumblebee increased his speed as Sari flew behind him. "Is he TRYING to get himself AND the girl KILLED!"

The car crashed through three other stores, answering THAT question.

"Oh Slag…"

Bumblebee stopped as the Volvo neared it's fifth demolition derby site. "Bulkhead, come in!"

"Bee, what do we DO!"

"I'm THINKIN'! We gotta stop this somehow, and It's moving too fast."

Sari spoke up. "So far we've only been trying to catch up. We need a different approach to catching IT. We need to limit where it can go."

"Oh, I don't think it's worried about barriers…" Bumblebee surveyed the wreckage.

"Wait, I GOT it! It's a longshot, but you're a big guy, Bulkhead-"

* * *

><p>The car spun out, and Pen hadn't YET stopped screaming. People ran and ducked for cover, and bricks fell everywhere. Just then, as the car turned the corner-<p>

A flash of Yellow and black stood in it's way, stinger charged and ready. Naturally to avoid it's capture the vehicle spun around and headed the other direction-

Only to be halted by a flash of orange and blue. The only other way was-

And it ran and smashed STRAIGHT into a giant wall of Green and Grey, backfired, and hissed to a final halt. Sari got closer, blades at the ready, to reveal the face of this fiendish driver. Just as she went to open the door, it sprung open at her and she was knocked to the ground by blur of red and black. The pale nightmaren stopped in the sky to overlook his work.

"You just HAD to pick the demension with the giant robots, didn't you?" He crossed his arms and smirked at the brunette girl below.

Pen stuck out her tongue in reply. "You gotta do what you gotta do. Right then, what I had to do was get the eff away from a psychopath more sick in the head than I am."

"Oh, well, tata." And the being disappeared.

Sari got up and rubbed her bum. "Geez. Jerk. If he made ONE scratch, I'm gonna pummel him next time I see him." She walked over to the back of what was left of the car, where the girl was still clinging on so hard her knuckles were whiter than the paint job. "You ok, what's-your-face?"

Pen twitched her head around to look at her. He face said it all. "It all" was something like "Do I effing LOOK okay to you?" She however, replied: "Perfectly Spooty~!" with a nervous, twitchy smile. She let go, falling to her knees on the ground, and giggled a little.

"Well, let's do that AGAIN~!"

THUNK!

And then fainted and smacked her head on the ground right at Bulkhead's giant metal feet.

* * *

><p>Meanwhile, on the other side of town, four figures emerged from the scrap surrounding them. A raven-haired Korean girl shoved aside some bricks and brushed debris off of her t-shirt. She also wore skinny jeans and green converse.<p>

"UGH!" She spit out some rubble and re-tied her high-set ponytail. "PEN! God, where is she? PEN!"

A young man(but definitely older than her) soon followed. He was sandy-haired, and wore a white collared shirt tucked into black pants over black leather shoes. Clive straightened his blue tie and picked up his blue hat(severely damaged) from the wreckage. "Bloody heck…we really should have seen that coming. How is it that that creep always seems to follow us?"

"He has a huge grudge and no life. This is pretty much his hobby." Kahmelion held out her hand to help him up. "Thing? Phantom? You ok?"

A plushie made of burlap with large green button eyes and a drawstring head popped out of a huge hole in the wall. "Never better, if you like tons of bricks not only falling on, but INTO your head!" A black gothic rabbit-looking plushie with long red ears and a green knitted deerstalker emerged next to him. "Where's mistress! I swear I'm going to take Reala's stupid face and-!"

"Nah, let's just find Pen and get it over with." The girl shrugged and reached into Thing's head, pulling out a fresh can of Dr. Pepper. "Phantom, can you poof us over to where she is?"

"I can only poof to places I've seen before!"

Clive kneeled down next to him. "But you've watched this series with Pen MANY times!"

"I still have no idea where she could be!"

"Dude, just read a few passages above! The autobots were with her last, right?" Kahmelion tweaked his face.

"…Oh, oh yeah…"

"So, let's get the heck over to the plant!"

"Yeesh, don't rush me!" And with the sound of "SQUID!" he poofed them away.

* * *

><p>"Are you SURE it was such a good idea to bring her into the plant?"<p>

"Ah, don't be paranoid, Bumblebee! She needed help!"

"I just can't believe it. All the complexities of these organics and their little scrapes are fixed SO easily…"

"Ratchet, keep you voice down. I think she's waking up."

Pen sprung up to sitting up straight on the table. "Did someone say CHIMICHANGA~!...no, wait, that's just the sound of my head and brains healing…my bad." She shrugged.

The team took a step back. Ok, weirdo.

Bulkhead stepped forward. "Are you ok, little human?"

"Little?" She scoffed. "I'm 15, man."

"Really? I'm 15, too!"

"Neato! In Stellarcycles, tho, amirite~?"

"How'd ya guess? You must only be 15 years then."

"Yeah, but I've seen a lot. Yeah, I'm cool man. Could use a moon pie, though. OH! Can I use your bathroom!" She squirmed.

Sari raised an eyebrow. "Down…down the hall to the left…"

Optimus stepped forward. "Wait a minute. Just who are you, Miss…er…" He waved his hand, signaling her to fill in his drawing a blank.

"Pen. Pen Fandango. Now, I'll just head to the little girls room-"

"Wait, do you even live here in Detroit."

She paused, and giggled. "Uh, NO."

"Anywhere near here?"

"Nope~!"

"Do you need us to contact your parents?"

"Nah, I'm not here with my parents."

"Oh…" Concern spread across the mech's face. "Who ARE you here with, then?"

"OH SWEET MOTHER OF SHAKESPEAR'S MOTHER! I GOTTA PEE!" She leaped off the table and practically FLEW down the hall.

…

"She seems…nice?" Bumblebee crossed his arms. "What the heck is up with that femme?"

Bulkhead leaned over his friend. "Do you think she could be a…a runaway, boss bot?"

Optimus shook his head. "NO clue."

"She DID just cut off before telling us who she's with. She may just be on a trip with some friends or an uncle or other relation." Sari shrugged. "Maybe we should ask her when-"

FLUSH!

Pen crossed back to the center of the room and hopped back up onto the table. "Gentlemen, where were we? I do believe our dear chum Optimus was discussiversing my possible compan-i-on-es traveling with myself?"

…"You…you know my name? We haven't even introduced ourselves."

"Well duh, boss bot. The only way she WOULDN'T is if she lived under a rock beneath a pile of scrap under another rock." Bumblebee interjected. What did ya think?"

"Oh, touché Bumbler." Pen scratched her ear. "I know a lot about you guys, actually, and NOT from the news. Like how Ratchet and Arcee were totally into eachother way back when, and how Prowl was always watching nature shows while Bumblebee and Sari just goofed off and kicked butt in video games…and Bulkhead?"

He looked up.

"I feel ya, man. We artists have the hardest struggle of our lives with every new piece."

"HOLD on a cycle!" Bumblebee put up his hands in a "time out" signal. "How in the slag do you KNOW all this? That's MAJORLY creepy!"

"…I set up hidden cameras in all your rooms, and watch you while you SLEEP!" She held up her hands all clawed and creepy for dramatic effect.

…cricket chirp and awkward silence.

She burst out laughing. "AHAHAHAHA! The LOOKS on your FACES…PRICELESS. Nah, I kid, I just watched the cartoon."

"Excuse me?" Optimus raised an eyebrow.

"Cartoon. You know, like on the TV and stuff?"

"I…don't understand…"

"Oh, remember how I said I'm not from around here? Well, I'm not from this demension either. I'm a poofer."

"A what?" Bumblebee raised an eyebrow.

"A poofer. My friends and I go around to different demensions and have fun and meet new people-Oh, HOGTIE THE MAILMAN! I gotta find them and the minions!"

"You came here to Detroit with your friends?"

"Yeah, then that spooty jerky jerkface jerky jerk Reala made a mess of things. Did you see them anywhere?"

"What do they look like?" Sari scratched her head.

"Well, Kahmelion is just a few inches shorter than me, my age, Asian, long black hair, and she was wearing a grey t-shirt and some jeans. Clive is older than us, 19, sandy hair and some pretty nice Limey-Man duds. He was also wearing that new blue tie I got him for his birthday, and he ALWAYS wears the blue hat. The other two are kinda difficult to describe, but they should be with Kahmelion and Clive."

"…alright…well, we'll try and find your…friends…" Suddenly, the TV screen flickered and flashed to the news, catching everyone's attention.

The reporter held her hand over one ear and held up the microphone with the other, overlooking the city from a chopper over downtown. "This just in, breaking news. Just after the schocking backwards driver that tore through Detroit this morning with a hostage screaming on the back of the car, it appears the Autobots may not be over yet for the day. This is Anne Griffin with Detroit's Eye-in-the-Sky. We are hovering over what appears to be two large decepticons, very old enemies of the autobots and our city rampaging through downtown. They've been identified as the infamous Lugnut and Blitzwing."

"What!" Optimus turned up the volume.

"Those gearheads are supposed to be in the stockade!" Ratchet leaned forward.

The reporter continued. "Yes, ladies and gentlemen, as if this couldn't get any stranger, it appears that two teenagers-no, I'm not making this up- TEENAGERS are fighting the menaces. A medium-height Asian female and a Tall Caucasian male, the girl armed with a longsword and the boy with a lance are making their own attacks on the decepticons!"

"Well, shoot~!" Pen slapped her knee and dangled her legs over the side of the table, leaning on her arm. "Mystery solved~! Now, who's givin' me a lift downtown to the scrap?"

"Those are the people you're traveling with!" Sari exclaimed.

"Did I stutter, Sari? Come on~! WHOO! Let's go punch some people~!" She leapt off the table.

"AUTOBOTS! Transform and roll out!" With their leader's command they shifted to vehicle mode and got ready to go. Pen ran up to Bulkhead and flung open the door. "I call Shotgun~!"

"Whoah, where do you think you're going!" Bulkhead temporarily transformed his arm out, grabbed her by the scruff and set her down on the ground.

"Aw, I wanna join the fight!" Pen whined.

"Er…" Optimus helped her up. "We should at least take her to her friends. Buklhead, would you mind giving her a lift?"

"We SHOULD be giving her a lift to a mental institution!" Ratched interjected. "Let's THINK about the logic for a second. Inter-demensional 'poofing?'"

Pen spun around and walked straight up to the front of the ambulance, and leaned on the hood. "Well, YOU guys can basically do the same thing cross-galaxy. I just have a portable method whearas you have conventiently located space bridges."

"And those fruity-lookin' friends of yers with that clown thing today?"

"Hey, they're no weirder that the kinds of guys YOU guys meet normally." She grinned. "Besides, you should see what I can do in this universe, since it allows super-powers.

"And the 'cartoon' thing? Am I to believe you know everything about us because we're some characters on some kid's show?"

"Am I to believe you're just going to sit here while there's decepticons afoot?"

"…smart aft."

Pen grinned and once again hopped into Bulkhead's carriage.

* * *

><p>"Ach, vat do you vant from us, you leetle punks!- Ooooh~! Are those sticks for pin ze tail on ze donkey? Let ME try~!" Blitzwing loosed cannonfire as the two teens and two minions ran astride him, slashing his legs with their blades but due to size difference leaving him with nothing more than a few scratches. Lugnut ushed in and pounded the ground, but ultimately failed to squash the little pests. Kahmelion jumped up onto his shoulders and made a large slash over his optic, slicing it in half. The giant clutched his optic in pain, knocking her off. Luckily Clive was able to catche her in time.<p>

"AUGH! BLITZWING! I'm BLIND!"

"Ooh, an eye for an eye, I suppose then, hahaha~!-Stop crying about eet, you big hulking protoform! I've seen raggedy old femmes less sensitive to such a leetle scrape!"

Kahmelion got back to her feet. "Dangit. We're screwed."

Clive wielded his lance. "This would be a GREAT time for Pen to show up randomly and conveniently."

SCREEETCH! The tires skidded to a halt, and the autobots transformed to robot mode. A familiar figure sat atop the green and grey one's shoulder."Hey, guys, just thought I'd randomly and conveniently show up~! Whoo! Let's scrap!"

"Speak of the devil."

"Decepticons! Cease and disist!" Optimus got his axe at the ready. Bumblebee drew his stingers, ratchet his ultramagnets, Bulkhead his wrecking ball, Sari her blades, and Pen…what WAS she doing?

Pen reached down into the drawstring head of Thing and pulled out a notebook of all things.

Meanwhile, the fight had resumed. Optimus went to work with his axe, while Bumblbee and Ratched combined their electric attacks to swing Lugnut halfway across town. He was back on his feet soon, however. Kahmelion leaped over Blitwing to distract him, while Bulkhead nailed him in the gut with his wrecking ball. "Hey, nice one, man." Khamleion fist-bumped the giant autobot.

"You guys aren't too shabby yourselves."

"AIYAYAYAYAYYAYAYA~!" Pen rushed in, the notebook raised and held at arm's length in front of her. "HEEEEEEERE's PENNY!" And so she went berserk, firing the paper like bullets from a gun, and surprised everyone with the fact that the paper actually DID damage! With a mighty BANG, a few sheets took off Blitwing's left gun shaft!

"What in the name of Primus-!" Bumblebee fired some sting shots at Lugnut.

"Papyrukinetic abilities. We'll explain later!" Clive, using the confusing caused by Pen's fire rushed forward and tripped both decepticons up with his lance. They were down, but not out. The autobots and Team PaperWyngz raised their weapons, and Phantom and Thing hid behind their mistress's legs.

"All right, ya infernal beast o' burden, ya gonna get up and show what ya made of, or are ya really just wee little babeh bots?" Pen put on a thick Scottish accent, and waved her notebook in the air.

"She always like this?" Optimus whispered as best he could to Clive.

"You don't know the half of it. Matter of fact _I _don't even know the half of it."

"Just wondering."

"Wait!" Kahmelion raised her hand. "We're not alone…"

Blitzwing drew a remote out from some unknown place with a single button on it. He clicked it, and at that instant, a thousand shadows loomed over them.

Well, more like 5 shadows. The decepticon army just isn't what it used to be.

"Hi~! We're not seekers. We're not going to completely obliterate you Autobot and human scum! We'd NEVER do that~!"

"Shut up, Ramjet." Slipstream raised her cannons.

"PEN! What the HEY-HEY!" Kahemlion slapped her friend in the back of the head. "I thought you said these guys were GONE!"

"I said MOST of them were gone, thank you~!" Pen crossed her arms.

"They…they SHOULDN'T be here! They're supposed to be in the stockade waiting for disassembly!" Optimus was shocked.

"ZOMBIES!" Phanotm and Thing cried, clinging to Pen's legs tighter.

A whole slag storm of firepower was rained down on them from the jets.

"COME GET SOME, SPOOTHEADS!" Pen fired back, her super-sharp paper projectiles not doing much for five targets with missiles, though.

"YOU SLAGHEAD! LET'S GO!" Bumblebee yelled at her face. The team transformed into vehicle mode, and sped off. Bulkhead paused only to allow Pen, Kahmelion, Clive, and the minions to hop in.

* * *

><p>ONE RETREAT LATER<p>

"Holy fig, that was fun!" Pen held up her hand to Kahmelion for a high-five…and was rejected.

"You're a total idiot."

"Aw, come one, that was a pretty awesome fight!"

"I'm not talking to you."

"You are now."

"Smart-aleck."

Clive was busy breathing into a paper bag. "…."

"Hey, he gonna be ok?" Bulkhead vocalized to them inside the truck.

"He's still getting used to it." Pen shrugged. "Hey, can you roll down the window?"

"Sure. Here ya go."

And so she shoved him out for some air.

"AGH! PEN! PULL ME BACK IN!" He dangled halfway out the window. "I'M GOOD I'M GOOD I'M GOOD!" BAM! And he got smacked with a tree branch as they retreated to the woods.

…

"There, just getting it over with like a band-aid. So, Bulkster, where're we running?"

Optimus cut in on his frequency. "We're making a tactical retreat."

"So, basically running?" Kahmleion leaned back and sipped some Dr. Pepper.

The boss-bott sighed. "Look, I wouldn't expect YOU to understand. Now, instead of you sitting back there and acting so familiar with us you can start explaining."

"Didn't Pen already explain it to you?" Clive straightened his hat. "Her memory was always pretty foggy…or at least her social manners."

"Yeah, I gave y'all the spiel. Inter-demensional poofers, traveled here to Detroit, yadda yadda."

"PEN!" Kahmelion snapped. "Tell Mr. Fussybritches a little MORE maybe. Man, it's like pulling teeth to get any into out of you."

"Please." Optimus concurred.

Pen sighed. "We would be the infa-moose Team PaperWyngz." She beamed. "Ok, so you have us here, we're basically a team of crazy-battlers traveling thorugh different demensions looking for a good time and a good scrap. Whatever adventure. Usually we just like the novelty of meeting our fave characters and walking a mile in their shoes. We do this a lot, so we REALLY didn't have to retreat, Boss-bott. Besides, we outnumbered them, didn't we?"

"ConTINue." He gritted his teeth over the other line.

"Why bother, you're not believing a word of it."

"Darn right!" Ratchet's frequency cut in.

"Why is everyone just going though my head?" Bulkhead piped in.

"Ratchet please." Optimus listened to the rest of Pen's little down-lo.

"Alright, so you have Phantom. He's our ability to warp. If he sees the location even once, he can poof to that location, and can take anyone with him as long as they're touching him or someone else touching him. Next, there's Thing. He's our personal 'Hammer-Space.' He can fit CRUISE SHIPS I tell ya, CRUISE SHIPS in his head. Anything we need, basically. Those are my minions."

"Alright…tell me a bit about you and your human friends. What was with that…paper-manipulating thing on the battlefield?"

"That's me and Khamleion's special trait. You see, we are artists, so it's only fitting our super-powers would have something to do with that. We can manipulate paper and ink to do whatever we want. We can make it hard as rock or twisted or sharp or even make our drawings quite literally come to life."

"Yeah. That's pretty much it. We can shape it into special weapons, too." Khamleion demonstrated, once again forming the longsword she had earlier. "I prefer a blade, Pen usually goes with a shooter or a smasher. Guns and Mallets, the like."

"I…see…ok, and what about the boy?"

"Oh, that's Clive." Pen scratched her nose. "He doesn't do much."

"HEY!" he shouted indignantly. "I have a LANCE!"

"That I let you borrow and have been too lazy as a writer to give any special qualities yet."

"Grrr…."

"Quite…" Optimus switched off the frequency. It was silent in the giant truck for a while.

"Is it true?"

"Excuse me?" Pen leaned on the dashboard.

"That stuff you said." Bulkhead reiterated. "About warping and stuff."

"Hey, you saw us in battle." Pen crossed her arms behind her head and leaned back. "Is there any doubt?"

"Well, one thing you said was true." Bumblebee's frequency cut in. "You ARE crazy."

BLAM!

"OH SPOOT!" Pen cried out before she pitched forward and banged her head on the dash. "WHAT THE SPOOT HAPPENED!"

Bulkhead tried fruitlessly to back up, but it was too late. His front end was hanging right over the edge of the huge crater left by the blast from overhead!

Optimus transformed into bot mode. "Slag! They caught up with out convoy. Autobots, give them everything you've got!"

The autobots got themselves ready as well. The jets circled overhead with their fire and the tanks neared, all the while discharching their own. The team fought bravely, but with Bulkhead and the humans a little busy at the moment, they were outgunned in more ways than one.

* * *

><p>Team PaperWyngz sat cowering in the truck, trying desperately to keep the balance despite the obvious front-heaviness of the vehicle.<p>

"Mistress, what do we do!" Phantom clung to her leg.

"I'm thinkin', alright y'all?"

"Dude, you're a liscenced Mary-Sue!" Kahmelion shifted her weight to the back of the carriage. "You should be able to get out of any situation!"

"And don't you forget it!" Pen thought a while. "Clive, make yourself useful with your smarts and planning tactics junk and think us a way out of this spoot!"

"Oh gawd, what would Seto Kaiba do?" He chewed his nails as Thing clung to him, messing up his hat askew.

"We HAVE no money! Therefore we can NOT screw the rule this time! THIS situation would require a budget!" Kahmelion took one last Dr. Pepper from Thing's head. "Well, this is it. If any of you survive, stay away from my funeral."

"I got it!" Clive epiphanied. "Bulkhead! Can you hear me!"

"Y-yeah! Whaddaya got? I'm fresh out of ideas and I really don't wanna go offline today!"

"Calm down, you got one shot at this! You have to transform back into bot mode!"

"But I'll fall! Are you slagged!"

"That's why you have to be sure to be quick about this. You'll need to be calm. Once you're in bot mode, we'll be popped out and hang onto you, and then you need to shoot your wrecking ball and make a wedge, then shoot it again to knotch it in that wedge! We'll be able to reel ourselves up like a fishing line then!"

"That's so nuts it has to work! Look, big guy, I know you just met us but you'll have to trust us. Stay calm, we're trained mary-sues we have it under control!" Pen shouted to the vehicle she was in.

"…O…ok. I'll try."

"As Yoda would say, do or do not, there is no 'try'. Especially in this situation-if you did not we'd all die." She patted the leather seats. "You got this, man. From one artist to another?"

"I'm gonna do it!"

"YOU GOT THIS!"

And with a quick change, he transformed. The first shot made its mark perfectly!

"Alright, buddy! You got-"

And the second missed entirely.

"Well this was a spooty idea-AAAAAAAAAH!"

The group screamed as they fell to their untimely deaths. Where the heck what the dues ex machina when you needed it! They screamed their lungs out-or what was left of Pen's lungs considering the encounter earlier today- and fell and fell.

It was looking hopeless for the autobots above ground and it was looking hopeless for Bulkhead and Team PaperWyngz in the crater. Would our heroes escape doom? Maybe even with this uphill battle? Stop asking questions and just pay attentions! Yeesh, stuff just got intense, calm down.

Bulkhead felt something hit him the the back, and he shot up like rocket. He crashed back over the edge of the crater and the team fell off of him, back on safe ground.

"LAND!" Kahmelion exclaimed. "Thank the LORD!"

Pen laughed. "Let's do that again." A flash of black cut her off. In a blur two oddly familiar shuriken loosed themselves in the air and spun around, slicing off the gunner shafts of all the seekers and cutting completely through Blitzwing and Lugnut's legs, felling them, and then returning to where they had been thrown from. The autobots turn to see the strange figure, mysterious and yet not-so mysterious. Pen sprang to her feet. "Oh Spoot…"

"Those shuriken…" Sari gasped, and covered her gaping mouth with her hands. Tears welled in her eyes.

"You're not slagging serious." Bumblebee stepped forward.

"I really have to go to the bathroom again." Way to ruin the moment, Pen. "What?" She shot glances at those staring at her.

The figure stood, and turned to face his team. They looked into a blue visor set high on a long face. "Well… it certainly has been a while."

"PROWL!" Optimus was awestruck.

"PROWL!" Sari and Bumblebee rushed forward. Sari gave him the biggest hug of his life. "You're a zombie or something, right?"

"This is too good to be true!" Bulkhead's jaw dropped. Pen leaped forward and glomped the mech in the face, clinging to him.

"OHMYSPOOTOHMYSPOOTOHMYSPOOT!" She exclaimed. "I'm totally geeking out!"

Prowl paused for a bit. "…who's this I'm wearing?"

"We'll have to save a LOT of explaining for later." Sari turned back to the enemies. "They're regrouping!"

"Wait!" Pen said, detaching herself from Prowl's face. "I HAVE an idea! It's very stupid but I'm 100% sure of it! Sari, you have a hammer too, right?"

"Yeah….how did you-?"

"Like I said, I watched the cartoon! Now, questions later." Pen manipulated the paper into a large hammer, similar to the one she normally used for you who have read Poof Chronicles one. "Blitzwing and Lugnut are out of commission-"

"Hey! Ve can still HEAR you!-You have a very nice voice~!-COME BACK OVER HERE UND FIGHT LIKE A MAN, LEETTLE BABY GIRLZ!"

"And the seekers can't shoot us. Can you give me an airlift?"

Sari activated her jet pack. "Let's fly."

* * *

><p>Sari climbed higher and higher, arms hooked under Pen's shoulders and Pen's hand clamped tightly around her weapon. "Alright, and RELEASE!" Sari threw Pen onto the nearest jet and dispensed her own weapon. Both of them got to work.<p>

Sari and Pen made sure none of them went without a smashed wing or two. Sari would smash one and go to the next as it was falling, and took the first three. Pen, having unfortunately left her jet pack home was reduced to smashing Ramjet's wing and leaping from his falling frame to Sunstorm, and finally leaping back to Sari's arms.

"Oh, that was a brilliant, genious plan, human girl! I simply MUST try that some time!"

"You totally don't sound stupid right now! I don't think you're a kiss-up little slag head, honest!" Ramjet called as they all plummeted.

Slipstream facepalmed. "scrap for brains…"

* * *

><p>ONE LONG DRIVE LATER<p>

The group sped back to the plant in silence. Part of them really wanted to just shut up and get the slag away from the decepticons, part of them was really weirded out by what just happened. Part of them was shocked by the return of someone they SAW go offline with their own optics.

The arrived at the plant, and Pen was the first to break the silence, per usual. "So…great hustle, out there, everyone, great hustle."

"Prowl!" Bumblebee noogied his favorite ninja-bot. "You're online! But…HOW, bot!"

"I…I don't know myself…One minute I'm on top of Sumdak towers… Jazz and I used Processor Over Matter, I sacrificed my spark…and I woke up in the woods, and heard you. That's all I remember."

"It's the universe outta wack." Pen scratched the back of her head. "I seen this that I sawed before, mi hombres." The autobots stared at her. "What?"

"You KNOW about this?" Optimus knelt down to look her in the eye. "You KNOW how this happened!"

"Not the foggiest, boss-bot."

"…"

"I'm just sayin' crazy random convenient stuff tends to follow me where I go. Like that clown? LITERALLY that clown? He tracks me for a hobby."

"Is this the same reason there are dangerous decepticons circling the skies once again!" Ratched folded his arms and glared daggers at the teen and her friends and minions.

"Look, man, I don't make the rules. I just experience them. The poofing laws are just as basic as the laws of physics."

Kahmelion finished downing her Dr. Pepper and pointed a very important thing out. "So…nobody else is severely creeped out there's a dead guy walking?"

Cricket chirp.

Sari walked up to her newly revived old friend. "Look, I'm just exstatic Prowl's back and online. I mean, shouldn't we celebrate or something!"

"ALRIGHT! Part-ay!" Bumblbee posed. "I'll get the oil!"

"I got ca-aaaake~!" Pen dispensed the item out of Thing's head.

* * *

><p>ONE PARTY LATER<p>

"Alright, so y'all got an extra room or are we sleepin' on the couch?"

The autobots stared. Ratched scoffed indignantly. "There is NO way those haywire sparkplugs are staying here!"

"Hey, it's not like we have anywhere else." Kahmleion shrugged. "And you guys are the only people we can think of that we know in the area."

"We JUST met you!"

"You have to admit, they are kinda fun." Bumblebee fist-bumped Pen.

"Well, gang, looks like we're hobos tonight." Pen slipped Thing's straps over her arms like a backpack, and Phantom got in his drawstring head to ride. Pen put and arm around Clive and Kahmelion's shoulders. "Let's roll."

"Oh, don't guilt trip us!" Sari stomped her foot. "Like we said we just met you. We still aren't sure we can trust you."

"With all this talk about…super powers…and inter-demensional travel…what we're saying is it's hard to believe."

Pen scratched her nose. "Yeah, your right. Sorry to bother you today, then, sirs. Come on then, team, let's go to the GO-BOTS universe."

Jaws dropped. Hook, line, and sinker.

"Wait. Hold on, you DID say you had nowhere else to stay."

"And no money, so we can't afford a hotel." Clive adjusted his hat.

"And you are some pretty crazy wildcards, we could probably hang." Bumblebee said.

"I'm ok with you, you're nice even though totally glitched in the head." Bulkhead added.

"I'm thankful to be alive with my team, and somehow even though I only have our incredibly short conversation to go on, I believe you being here somehow may be the key to MY being here." Prowl scratched the back of his head, dumbfounded for once in his life.

Ratched sighed. "I'M obviously outnumbered. I'll put up with it, but I WON'T like it."

"Also, I wouldn't be able to go into sleep mode with you five running rampant in Detroit." Optimus added as the final note. "Sari, would you mind if they used your room?"

"Yeah, I'm staying with Dad anyway. If they touch anything, they're dead."

And so concludes our Pie-lut chapter. Team PaperWyngz have made it to Detroit and through some crazy reason met and maybe even befriended the autobots.

Pen, we're not FRIENDS. We just met them and they're only letting us stay because they're trying to figure us out.

It's a start. With Prowl somehow back, they wonder how this is possible, and who could be next? Mutant dinasaur cyborg ninja pirates? Remember, this is Poof Chronicles, so…yeah, probably. What happens now? I don't do spoilers.

Pen, this chapter and this ending sucks.

Shut up, Kahmmelion! I'm narrating. I now it's all full of spoot, but I can get away with it. I'm a liscenced Mary-Sue and I'm writing this spootfest.

* * *

><p>…<p>

"Hey, we hardly got any lines at all!" Phantom tugged his ears. "NOW all we get is the cruddy sign-off! This was NOT in my contract!"

"Aw, come on, bro." Thing re-tied his drawstrings. "At least we get THIS."

Phantom sighed. "Alright. So, tune in next time or whatever for this load of crap. Next time with 100% more Wreck-Gar. You heard me right, or did I stutter?"

SQUID!


	2. Chapter 2

Poof Chronicles 2: The Dorkcepticons

Chapter 2: It's Funny Because it Stinks(pun intended)

OR

Dare to Be Stoopid.

Warning: Excessive Twilight Bashing. Fangirls go read something else.

* * *

><p>Megatron's frequency buzzed. Odd. He'd never picked this one up before. It was a very old earth model, it seemed. What were his mechs doing with ancient 1876 phones?<p>

"Yes, this better be important."

"Spoothead says what?"

"What?" He cocked an optic ridge, and his answer was met with snickers and laughing from the other end of the line.

"DUDE! I TOLD you he would fall for it!" One voice said, soprano/tenor human female. It made him SICK.

Another voice cut in, this time higher tenor human male with an accent. "Oh, how _witty._ So incredibly _witty._" It was sarcastic, and the mech could hear the boy rolling his eyes. "Why don't you ask him if his refrigerator's running next?"

"WHO IS THIS!" Megatron's booming voice demanded. "Blitzwing, I swear-"

"You shouldn't, this is a K+ fanfic~!" The female voice interrupted once again, breaking out in riotous laughter.

A new voice sounded, exhasperated. "Pen, don't use the phone for prank calls!"

"It's NOT a prank call!"

"Don't lie to my face!"

"AGH!" And then the buzz of dial tone. Megatron swore whoever those humans were to find them and make them suffer painful, horrible, long, drawn-out deaths.

* * *

><p>SQUID!<p>

"Phantom!" Pen hissed. "Do you HAVE do make that sound every time you poof!" She spoke in a hushed whisper, trying desperately not to wake up the sleeping ninja twice her size.

"I can't help it, mistress!"

"SHH! You drillbit, you wanna wake him up? Thing, you got it?"

"Right here, mistress."

"Alright…done~! I call it, 'None the Wiser,' my greatest masterpiece."

"Quick, let's go! Before he wakes up!" SQUID

* * *

><p>"So." Khamelion took a draft of Dr. Pepper and shut her book. "Just what in the world do you have planned today?"<p>

"Yeah, I was wondering about that too." Clive sat back upright on the couch. "I mean, the cyborg ninja zombie pirate monkeys were supposed to show up today, but they all took us by surprise yesterday. They showed up WAY too early."

"Ah, don't worry. I'll think of something." Pen pulled her medium-length hair back into a ponytail and straightened out her blue Bon Jovi t-shirt. "… I got nothin'."

"What! There's no WAY that YOU can't think of something crazy." Khamelion exclaimed.

"Well, you know, maybe you guys could CONTRIBUTE every now and again? Why do I have to think of everything? Clive's the brains of the bunch right now."

"I may be the brains, but YOU'RE the mastermind." He straightened his hat.

There was silence as they all stared at the TV. After a while of getting sucked into the tube of mindless Lady Gaga drivel drabble-

"We could go to a mall and flash mob the food court."

"Pen, what is with you and flash mobbing!"

"It's FUN. Like a MUSICAL."

"We're NOT flash mobbing."

…

"We could bug Ratchet." Pen once again piped up.

Khamelion once again shot her a look. "Why do you have to pester old people?"

"I LOVE old people. They're so OLD and WISE and crap." Pen grinned.

* * *

><p>The much older mech was hunched over some piece of scrap metal, shocking it here, wrenching it there, welding it over where, etcetera. He was so concentrated he didn't even NOTICE the organic teenager enter the room, go right up behind him, manipulate her paper into stairs to rise up to his eye level, tap him on the shoulder and-<p>

"Hey Ratche-"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!" He started, fumbling the tool he was working with, and causing Pen to start as well, the paper dissipating from its form and dropping her to the floor with a loud THUD and the crack of bones.

"…I'm ok."

"Pen, NEVER sneak up on an autobot!" He glared, picking her up off the ground and setting her back upright on her feet. "What the slag do you want anyway!"

"I'm bored."

"And! What do you want ME to do about it!"

"I always wanted to learn mechanics." Pen dusted off her jean shorts. "Can you teach me so I can be useful on the team?"

Ratchet sighed. He smiled a bit at the girl's eager gesture to help instead of break things around here-wait, team! "Team! You think YOU'RE on the team!"

"Well, we've been here for a month, and we've already fended off a hoard of angry cheese pants together."

"What does that have to do with it!"

"Hey," she waved her finger. "There's a rule where I come from! The Friends who fend alien invasions away together stay together."

"Friends! Look, kid, I appreciate the gesture, but the only thing you've been useful for so far is being a mad berserker and causing a distraction or having some sort of goofy fun afterwards."

"Aw, thanks Ratchet! You're sweet~!" She beamed.

"It wasn't a slagging compliment! You know what this is?" he gestured to the pile he was working on at the table.

"…Is it NOT a pile of broken-up tangled scrap metal?" She ventured.

"It's what's LEFT of Sumdak towers west wing."

"Oooooh. I remember."

FLASHBACK!

"Hey, Phantom, you know how to work a wrecking ball?"

"No, mistress."

"WHEEEEE~!"

END FLASHBACK

"Hehehe…that was awesome."

"…" Ratchet face-servoed. "Why don't you and your friends go out and play, Pen?"

* * *

><p>And so our wannabe heroes find themselves on the streets of Detroit.<p>

"Still bored." Pen scratched her nose.

"DDR anyone?"

"Clive you're such a noob…let's go right now!" And so the two dashed off.

"CLIVE! PEN!" Khamelion shouted after them. "YOU DON'T KNOW WHERE THE ARCADE IS IN TWO-THOUSAND SOMETHING DETROIT!" She paused and look after their receeding dust cloud and sighed. "Well, looks like I'M headed to the nearest Barnes and Noble… if they HAVE them still in the future."

A shadow loomed over them. Phantom was the first to notice. "Um, Khamelion?" he tugged on her pants leg.

"Not now, I'm being a buzz kill."

Phantom tapped Thing on the shoulder. "Um, Khamelion? It may be a good time to call mistress back…"

"I said not NOW, guys, I'm-" And she turned around to face the hulking figure above her. "Oh…hello…"

* * *

><p>"Do you think we should have brought the minions with us?"<p>

"Do you think you should shut your mouth and step?" Pen was powering through the song. No, it wasn't DDR. It was Just Dance 12: Legends. She and Clive were almost to then end of the song, and with a few more moves it was all over. Pen: 7259. Clive: 4032.

"Bugger…how are you supposed to even PLAY that game?"

"By being a total spaz! That's why I'M so good at it." Pen smirked. Yes, we DID just ripoff LittleKuriboh. Deal with it *sungalsses*

"Well, what here would you like to play next?"

"Some 80s music. This place has NOTHING on Flynn's." Pen straightened some hairs that had flown out and turned to leave, making her way through the teeming crowd…to find someone else doing the same from the door to THEM. "Oh…SPOOT." Pen stared horrified.

"What? What is it?" Clive tried to see just who she could be looking at, when Pen reached up and took his blue hat. "What! HEY!"

"SSSH!" She tilted it down over her eyes. "I'm jackin' your hat because they don't recognize YOU, but I really don't want them to recognize ME. Come on, back exit we g-!" And turning around, she ran smack into a tall, female figure, causing her to fall. Clive was able to catch her just in time, but his hat was knocked off of her head.

"Miss Fandango." Cold, Golden eyes looked down at Pen.

"I'm sorry, you must have me mistaken for someone else." Pen looked off to the side, not wanting to look the character directly in the eyes.

"I know I'm right! You KILLED my HUSBAND! My child is FATHERLESS!"

"Say what now!" Pen looked shocked.

"Pen, you KILLED a dude?" Clive dropped her in astonishment.

"I would NEVER kill a dude!" Pen shook her head rapidly. "That totally goes against my code of honor! I only slay zombies! Look, Bella-"

"Don't you 'look Bella' me!" The vampires exclaimed. "You turned him into a pile of ashes with your sparkly pink flamethrower!"

"Sparkly pink flamethrower?...OH YEAH!" It dawned on Clive. "You never told me that guy was a FATHER!" He konked Pen on the head.

"It's EDWARD. FRIKKIN. CULLEN. His writer is going to write some sort of loophole or plot convenience to bring him back. In fact, miss Bella, if you just wait till the end of this chapter-"

"NO! You KILLED him!"

"Look, lady, I don't KILL…only maime…or…horribly injure." She scratched her face. "Also, the quota for Mary-Sues in this fanfiction has been met by yours truly. Unless you get a liscence and a change in all our contracts for this series, you can just go home to your nice, miserable-ness that you seem to love so much in Forks, k?"

…

BAM!

Ok, Pen could see and she and Clive were picked up by their heads, thrown THROUGH the wall-not just AT the wall, THROUGH it- and crashing on the pavement covered in broken brick and glass two blocks over from the arcade it most certainly WASN'T 'ok.'

Clive got up and coughed a lung full of rubble out. "PEN!" he sucked in the air. "What the bloody HECK!"

She raised an arm from out of the wreckage pile, a finger in the air. "And THAT, Clive, is a life lesson for you. Never deliberately tick off a Meyers Vampiress…get me outta this rubble?"

As he gave the girl a hand, Bella had already ran right up to them again with her super-vampire speed and punched him right in the face, sending him FLYING like in a video game. Yes, we do a lot of Scott Pilgrim type stuff.

"CLIVE!" Pen winced as he flew over the horizon and she head a crash far off, followed by a weak 'I'm ok…' She drew the notebook she'd been carrying somehow inexplicably since Thing is supposed to be the one with the hammer-space head and is currently off with Khamelion wherever we left them last. Pen manipulated the paper into a large sledgehammer. "You little-! Do you make it a HABIT to toss around random innocent guys…oh..wait…oh YEAH. That DOES happen a lot in your books."

"Shut UP!" the Cullen's bride stamped her foot, creating a huge crater. "Go, pokeball!"

"Awesome! Sweet!" Pen pumped her fist. "Crossovers~!"

"Justin Beaver, I chose you!"

And with a bowl-cut bidoof on the field, Pen immediately lost her enthusiasm again. "This is BOOOOOOOOOO-riiiiiiing…"

And the fight nevertheless began.

* * *

><p>"So…you're a giant talking GARBAGE truck?"<p>

"I am Wreck-Gar~! I am a giant talking GARBAGE truck?"

"O…k…" Kahmelion sat atop the bot's shoulder's as he skipped his merry way through downtown, causing quite a few quakes and ruckus ensuing. The minions were trying very hard to hold on in all the shaking. Khamelion flipped a page in her book. "We still haven't made any progress in finding them, and knowing Pen she's likely gotten her and Clive in some sort of deep crap."

"aaaaaaAAAAAAA-!"

"What's that noise getting louder?"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-"

"It's a shooting star! Make a wish, kids~!...funny, I didn't think shooting stars wore clothes."

"That's not an anti-nudist star! That's CLIVE! Wreck-gar, play catch!"

"Oh, I LOVE that game!"

"-AAAAAAA-OOF!" and with that Clive landed right into the mech's grimy hand. "…I'm ok…" he held a thumb's-up. "Kh…Khamelion! What the bloody- who the heck is this guy?"

"I found him." She replied, scratching her face. "Can I keep him, mom~?"

"I am Wrec-gar~! Can she keep me, mom? I'm house broken~!...well, for the most part…"

Clive grimaced at the puddle of oil leaked on the ground. "…quite…"

"Clive!" Khamelion shook him from his stupor. "Where's Pen? What happened?"

"Oh, I'm FINE. REALLY. Don't worry about me flying several city blocks through the air and crashing into a metal hand, but I am TOUCHED at your concern."

"Talk, limey man."

"Why do you even care?" Clive adjusted his hat and tie.

"Because, she's the only one who knows the combination to the safe, and my Dr. Pepper is in there."

"Somewhere over thataway. Near an arcade called 'Buzzy Fun.'"

"…That is one LAME name."

Phantom stood up. "My mistress is in trouble! We have to go help here! She's in a fight all alone!"

"It's…not the FIRST time…" Thing interjected, stealing his wind.

"So…if she doesn't need help…can we go watch cartoons?" Wreck-gar raised an optic ridge at the organics about him.

"Nah." Clive shrugged. "We might as well. That bleeding vampire looked quite ticked."

Khamelion put away her book. "Hi-ho, Wreck-gar, I guess! We must save the Dr. Pep-I mean, save Pen!" And off they merrily went again.

* * *

><p>MEANWHILE, BACK AT THE RANCH…ER…PLANT.<p>

Prowl awoke from recharge mode with a start. It was as if he hadn't expected to wake up. He'd only recently been offline, and now…suddenly, he was walking, talking, functioning same as ever. He hadn't even felt any time pass between his "death" and waking right back up again in the forest, right when his friends needed him the most…as well as those odd "travelers" of sorts.

The sound of birdsong in the tree in the center of his room shoot him from his thoughts. He was so happy to be online. To function and see the rays of the sun. He made his way down the hall and into the main room, to find one thing that would always be at least one constant in this world. Sari and Bumblebee once again playing video games. Bulkhead sat off to the side, working on an art piece.

Bulkster was the first to notice the ninja bot enter. "Oh, hey Prowl. You seen Pen anywhere? She was going to paint with me this mor-…." The mech stopped mid-sentence and stared, jaw-dropped.

"What?" Prowl raised an optic ridge. "…is…is there something on my face?"

Bumblebee and Sari were also agape. It wasn't long before they started to snicker, making Prowl even more confused.

"What is it? What's wrong?"

"Oh, nothing." Bumblebee smirked, trying to stifle his laughter. "Absolutely nothing."

Sari burst out, then immediately covered her mouth again with a shocked expression for having possibly given it away. Bumblebee elbowed her in the arm.

Bulkhead blushed and turned right back to his painting, as with the two others with their game.

* * *

><p>"Well, what's on TV?" Sari took the remote. "There's Shanghai Noon on ABC."<p>

"Slag that old flick." Bumblebee swiped the remote from her. "Nascar's on!"

"I vote we watch Discovery Channel. No doubt I've missed countless 'Meerkat Manor.'" Prowl took the button-box. Bumblebee just paused….and snickered again.

"Dude, I-I'm sorry, I just REALLY can't take you seriously right now."

"For the love of Primus, what IS it?"

"Oh, nothing, nothing at all." Sari giggled and flicked to the action movie. Optimus and Ratchet walked into the room, in heated argument.

"Ratchet, I'm telling you, they're travelers, they need a place to stay, and they've been very helpful allies."

"What they've been is mooching, mess-making, scrapping, berserkers. They destroy more unintentionally in one cycle than a Decepticon would intentionally in one stellarcycle!"

"Their methods may be…unorthadox…but there is a lot we still don't understand about them. Besides, they have no other place to stay and the others seem to get along with them just fine."

"Yeah, med-bot." Bumblebee called over from the couch. "Don't be such a buzz-kill."

"It's…true…I don't really see anything TOO unbearable about the lot of them, odd bunch as they are." Prowl concurred. Forgetting to be blown away by the fact the ninja bot and Bumblebee had actually just AGREED on something, the two older bots started at him as the others had.

"What?...WHAT! Why is everyone staring at me?" Prowl crossed his arms.

The two simply remained silent and walked away.

"We interrupt your normal broadcasting for breaking news! I'm Angela Wu, and we're here live with Detroit City News uptown as an enormous catfight has erupted here in 'Buzzy Fun' arcade, and spanned 7 blocks in diameter as it appears two super-powered young ladies just couldn't hold in how they really felt about eachother. No, they don't look like autobots OR decepticons, but they HAVE already caused damage to three buildings and sent people running for the cover of their homes to bet on who will win this duel. Over to you, Bill."

The autobots leaned in. Sari quipped "Now, what does THIS possibly sound like?"

The male reporter cut in from his position up in a building near the fight. "Thanks, Anne. Well, this looks like the mother of all catfights. In this corner, weighing in at- I'll never guess a lady's weight- is what appears to be a beautiful AND powerful super woman. Super Speed, above catlike agility and reflexes, very pale, but LOOK at those vivid eyes and hair! I'm tellin' ya, folks, you don't see HER everyday. Well, if that's the beauty of this fight, this is most certainly the beast over here. In this corner, we have some teen girl, teeth gritted and her own skills-and a hammer- a the ready. So far, no blood or injury. If this gets dirty, though, the police are ALREADY on their way to try and stop this thing and with all the stuff they've violated, I don't think they want murdur or attempted murdur on there too."

"Hey!" Pen called up to the camera man. "First off, it's NOT nice to talk bad about a girl's looks-namely mine. Second off, this girl is a DANGEROUS MARY-SUE! And NOT in a good way like me. I'm holding her off so MAYBE the autobots can come in and HELP me here! I'll clean up this mess later, and-AIGH!" she was cut off by Bella pouncing on her like a cat and pinning her, starting to punch her in the face with full-on vampiress strength.

"Well, folks, it seems we can identify our brave competitor as none other than Pen Fandango, the mysterious newcomer on the autobot team…well, she's already caused a lot of damage in the past so she's STILL probably going to jail…whatever. Back to you, Anne."

"Thanks, Bill, I-"

Optimus flicked off the TV. "Autobots, transform and roll out! And for Primus sake, make it fast!"

* * *

><p>Pen held up her hammer to receive the blows rather than her face. "Look, psycho Lady! I DIDN'T kill you HUSBAND! Should you even be MARRIED with a KID at this age?"<p>

"SHUT UP! My wonderful mature good looks and prowes and behavior make up for the fact that I wasn't 21 or older!"

"How about YOU SHUT UP!" Pen finally kicked the vampiress in the gut, sending her flying half a block away. As she got up, she was struck right back down by another onslaught of…sheet music? "…Speak of the devils…" Pen turned around, sledgehammer slung over her shoulder. "Jebus, Khamelion, what took you guys so spooting long!"

"Would you believe we got stuck in traffic?" Clive pulled his lance out of Thing's head and hopped down to the ground, and Khamelion formed her sword and jumped down as the minions did the same.

"Well, you're here and that's what matters. I'm getting my butt kicked by this chick here." Speak of the devil, the vampiress rushed forth once more, using her super speed to swipe all of their legs out from under them, including Wreck-gar's.

They all hit the ground with an uffish oof and looked up at their enemy.

"Well, THIS sucks." Khamelion got up and wielded her sword. "What the heck did you do THIS time?"

"Why does it have to be MY fault? This cookoo-for-coco puffs just came out of nowhere and started mashin' our potatoes."

"Pen-"

"Ok, ok. Remember chapter two from the LAST fanfiction?"

"The vampire fight or the thing with the scary-o musical number?"

"Vampire fight and right BEFORE the musical number."

"Oh…I thought mary-sues regenerated."

"We do." Pen facepalmed. "That's what I've been TRYING to TELL her!"

"Um, hel-LO?" Bella tapped her foot from across the block. "Aren't you FORGETTING someone here? Pay attention to me and my whining!"

"Hey, that's what they're supposed to do to ME!" Pen rushed forward to smash the Cullen's bride over the head with her hammer. The vampiress just ducked, and as Pen went sailing over head she grabbed her fellow Sue's ankle and flung her into the next building. She stalked over to finish the job, and picked the bespectacled brunette out of the rubble by the throat.

"You're finished, Fandango." And began to squeeze.

Through choked gasps and claws digging into her neck, Pen smirked, and laughed. "You just activated my trap card, queen bee."

"Trap card? What trap ca-!" Bella froze, wide-eyed as the paper wraped itself around her, creating some sort of case and causing her to drop Pen to the ground.

"Screw you, THAT'S what!" And now Pen called to the mech standing beside Khamelion, who was manipulating the paper prison. Clive was just standing there apathetically with a bag of popcorn and enjoying the show. "Now, Wrekc-Gar!"

"What? OH! I'm supposed to DO something, right? Trash-man, to the rescue!" And he ran up, turned around-

"Oh sh-"

And dropped tons of rotting, stinking, festering garbage right onto the vampiress's pretty little head. "Enjoy your trash, ma'am~!"

Pen got up and grasped her throat, rubbing it where she'd almost been strangled. "I told you once…I told you a THOUSAND times…only room for ONE bombastic, loud, sassy mary-sue in this show and that's ME."

"Is she going to be ok?" Clive raised an eyebrow and tossed his empty bag on the pile.

"Don't worry." Khamelion waved dismissively. "She'll wake up in the morning feeling like P-Diddy." And took a sip of Dr. Pepper.

The autobots arrived on scene, skidded to a halt, transformed, and rushed to the scene. Optimus raised his axe. "Pen, what is it? What's…" and surveyed the scene. "…wrong?"

Bumblebee face-servoed. "Don't tell me. The fight's OVER!"

Khamelion nodded.

"Aw, slag, this looked like it was a good scrap!"

Sari elbowed him in the arm. "Knock it off, you motorhead." She turned to Pen. "What happened here?"

Pen looked over to the pile. "Oh, nothing. Just another one bit the dust…bum bum bum. bu-bum bum-bum bu-bum."

Wreck-gar's face lit up and he joined her. "bu-bu-bum bum bum. bu-bum bum-bum bu-bum." And they both broke out. "And another one's gone and another one's gone.

Another one bites the dust~!

Hey, its gonna get you too,

Another one bites the dust~!"

The two laughed riotously. Pen wipe her eyes. "Aw, shoot, man! You're good!"

"I am Wreck-Gar! Garbage man, also available for birthdays, weddings, and bar mitzvahs~! And, AI supeeku weaboo~!"

Pen gasped. "No WAY! I speak weaboo, too!"

"Oh Lord." Khamelion and Clive simultaneously facepalmed. The autobots had no clue what the heck was going on right now.

"Weeabo?" Optimus raised an optic ridge.

"Konbawa, Recku-garu-sempai." Pen started. "Haruhi Suzumia? Kawaii kawaii Konata neko koneko kira kira pika kawaii Tokyo Mew Mew desu?"

"Ah, pika pika konata naruto konichiwa arigato kawaii koneko hime-sama sasunaru yaoi kawaii desu! Ouran high school host club, negima yu-gi-oh, pokemon desu kawaii pika koneko yuki desu."

"Kawaii sugoisu! Kawaii kokoro koneko kawaii ai sasunaru bishounen sailor moon kira kira kawaii desu desu!"

"Karameru dansen desu?" Wreck-gar bowed and held out his hand for the teenager.

"Kawaii yaoi koneko desu!"

And while Wasabi Ed played the ridiculous dance meme music, the rest of our cast looked on with faces that radiated pure WTF.

Ratchet face-servoed. "Great. Now there's TWO of them. Great job, Optimus." He patted the younger blue bot on the shoulder. "You've opened up a can of worms with these kids."

Prowl stepped forward. "Um…Khamelion? I know about Wreck-gar, but is your friend quite alright?"

Clive spoke up for Khamelion, who was busy slurping Dr. Pepper. "Yeah. When you get to know her, you'll get used to it." He turned around and saw the mech's face…and burst out laughing.

Prowl was fed up. "Ok, will someone PLEASE tell me WHAT is so Primus-slagged funny!"

Clive started to open his mouth, but saw Bumblebee motioning for him to stop. The yellow bot also mouthed, "DON'T. TELL. HIM." Clive raised an eyebrow, to which the young mech replied in a whisper, "It's funnier if he doesn't have a clue-"

"What!" Prowl spun around, and Bee and Sari got back trying to look for all the world like an innocent little know-nothing kid.

"We didn't say anything."

Prowl face-servoed.

Pen disappated her hammer into normal paper again and put it back in Thing's draw-string head. "Well, back to the plant again, I guess."

"Shouldn't we clean up first?" Khamelion raised an eyebrow.

"No~!" Pen waved dismissively. "People have JOBS to do that. Christmas bonus, here they come~!"

"But YOU caused this. We should at least help them." Bulkhead scratched his head. "We always clean up OUR messes."

"Can we do it tomorrow? My favorite cartoons are on."

"PEN-" The all started.

"Ok, ok, we'll clean up." And she re-formed her paper into a mop.

* * *

><p>"Well, with Wreck-Gar it wasn't so bad. He just loaded it all in and carted it all off." Pen flopped down on the couch and got herself some SOBE from Thing's head.<p>

"Mistress, doesn't that seem a little lazy?" Phantom chirped in.

"Eh." Khamelin sipped her Dr. Pepper. "It got the job done, let's not beat what's dead."

Prowl sat in meditation atop his tree. Night would be coming soon, and some of the birds were starting to settle. All was tranquil until-

"Hey, Prowl~! Oh PROWL~! I needs you~!" Pen called from down below, breaking his concentration and causing him to crash to the floor. He growled as he was face-to-face with her feet. She squatted down to his eye-level. "Ok, what's DOWN?"

"What is it, Pen?" He saw that her two minions and her male friend were with her. "What do you want?"

"Well, we're pretty much berserkers, and I like that kind of fighting style, but…you see, there's something I've always wanted to do."

"What's that?" Prowl sat up cross-legged so they could still be eye-level.

"I'd like to be a ninja."

"…"

"I'm part ninja, but I'd like to add a little more to my fighting skills, you know. What I'm saying is, will you be my Obi-Wan?"

"…"

"Come on, say SOMETHING, man."

"…so what YOU want ME to do is unleash a deadly rampaging teenager on the streets with ninja abilities to make her twice as dangerious?"

"Well, self-discipline would be another big pointer ninja thing to work on. Please?" She gave him the puppy-dog eyes. Clive stood beside her, and her minions clung to her legs.

Prowl paused for a minute. Something was missing. "Where's Khamelion?"

"She said 'screw that, I'm watching Coffee Prince.'…She's a like a ninja or something already, anyway. So, when can WE get started on being like a ninja or something?"

"Well, to become a ninja or something…we probably should start immediately if you're that eager. Perhaps we can teach each other something."

"What?" Clive noogied his teammate. "What can YOU learn from THIS cracked nut?"

"I'm still trying to figure out how I'm still here, and why."

Pen scratched the back of her head. "Maybe you still have something you need to do here. You've been given a second chance. Maybe you need to pass on your knowledge by taking on a pupil of your own, hint-hint-let's-get-started."

"Alright… where's that music coming from?"

Clive looked over and found Wasabi Ed hanging upside-down from the tree. "You may just wanna go along with it."

Prowl lined them all up, and started singing for no other reason than we have been DYING for a musical number.

"Let's get down to business-"

"Awright!" Pen fist-bumped Clive.

"to defeat

the cons."

HYA! The team practiced their kicks in sequence.

Prowl face-servoed. "Did they send me daughters

when I asked

For sons?"

Pen raised her hand. "Well, biologically I AM a girl-" She hit her foot against the wall, and jumped up and down clutching it, while the minions slipped up and fell.

"You're the most insane bunch I ever met," He helped the three up and adjusted Clive's form. "But you can BET before we're through-

Miss Pen I'll

Make a nin

Out of you."

* * *

><p>The team balanced on top of the trees against the fading daylight, trying to stay up and defend themselves from the projectiles "Sensei Prowl" threw their way.<p>

"Tranquil as a forest

but a fire within."

For a while Pen looked like she'd almost got completely balanced, only to be hit dead-on with a bird passing through.

"Once you find your center,

you are sure

to win." Prowl looked over Clive's staggering, Pen's looking-like she always did- totally oblivious, and the minions clinging for dear life from the tree tops and face-servoed.

"You're spineless, pale, pathetic lot, and you haven't got a clue."

"Hey, that's not very ni-" Clive started, but Pen threw a pine cone to shut him up.

"Hey, this sweet that we get a musical number and a training montage. Bug off!"

Prowl sighed. "Somehow I'll

Make a nin.

Out of you."

* * *

><p>The team ran across the river on stepping stones.<p>

Pen huffed and puffed. "I'm never gonna catch my breath-"

Thing almost slipped on a patch of algae. "Say goodbye to those who new me."

Clive got smacked in the face with a tree branch. "Why was I a fool in school for cutting gym?"

Khamelion watched with popcorn and a Dr. Pepper from her perch above. "This guy's got 'em scared to DEATH-"

"Hope he doesn't see right through me." Pen tried to pick up the pace.

"Now I really wish that I knew how to SWIM!" Phantom leaped out of the reach of an alligator(yes, I KNOW they probably don't have Alligators in Michigan.)

The team finished their run over the river and Prowl motioned to them. It was time to go back to OTHER way. Prowl ran ahead of them. Chorus time~!

"Be a nin"

"You must be swift as a coursing river!"

"Be a nin."

"With all the force of a great typhoon."

"Be a nin."

"With all the strength of a raging fire.

Mysterious as the dark side of the moon."

* * *

><p>Their training session was dragging on into the next afternoon. Pen's stomach growled from no breakfast or lunch and Clive was getting dizzy with no sleep.<p>

Prowl stood in front of them in the clearing as they practiced their moves in sequence.

"Time is racing t'ward us.

Till the cons

Arrive.

Heed my every order.

And you might

Survive."

Pen raised her hand again. "Um…we were doing fine berserker-ing every time-" and got hit in the head with pinecone thrown at her by "sensei."

They ran over to the tallest tree near them. Team PaperWyngz collapsed with exhaustion at the sight of it. Prowl face-servoed as Pen tried to get a jump on it…but slid right back down on her butt.

"You think you're suited for

the rage of this war?

Just pack up, go home, you're THROUGH.

How could I

Make a nin

Out of you?"

Prowl started to walk away as his "pupil" stared up at the tree defiantly and determined. The chorus rang once more.

"Be a nin."

Prowl bonked her in the back of the head. Hadn't SHE been the one who asked him teach her? "You must be swift as a coursing river."

"Be a nin."

Was she not WILLING to learn? "With all the force of a great Typhoon."

"be a nin."

"With all the strength of a raging fire,

mysterious as the dark side of the moon!" Prowl started and stood back. She'd taken on the tree once again. She leapt up, and then branch by branch jumped and swung and sweated and made her way up. Clive and the minions joined in, cheering her on. Prowl crossed his arms and raised an optic ridge.

"Be a nin.

You must be swift as a coursing river.

Be a nin"

Prowl smiled. He didn't believe it. She was almost there. She just had a bit to go. Was she going to make it!

"With all the force of a great typhoon.

Be a nin

With all the strength of a raging fire

Mysterious as the dark side of the moon!"

Pen reached the top at last! Standing up, balanced at the very top of the tree, looking down at them-

The branch beneath her broke and she fell right back to the ground, hitting head-first with a SMACK.

Prowl face-servoed as she got back up, signature doofy smile on her face, but otherwise ok like a squash and stretch cartoon character.

"Well, this IS going to take a while."

"Admit it. I'm getting there."

* * *

><p>The team filed back into the plant after Prowl for some well-deserved sleep to catch up on. As the humans and minions flopped themselves down on the couch, Prowl made his way back to his room for a recharge. He set his visor down by the mirror and turned to lay down for a stasis nap…but something caught his eye. He looked at the reflection staring back at him.<p>

He stared right back into his own eyes, and saw just what the slag had been so funny.

"PEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN!"

The end~!

* * *

><p>Well, we finally had our first musical number.<p>

You know, Prowl, if you let every little thing bother you, it's going to be a LONG fanfiction. Pen out….oh, wait! I thought you'd forgotten about that. I mean, WE sure as slag did. Ah well, my bad.

* * *

><p>Over in uptown Detroit, a figure finally broke through the large pile of garbage rotting in the city dump. Bella seethed, her eyes turning bright red.<p>

"I swear, I will FIND that wannabe-sue and RIP her HEAD off, she owes me revenge for Eddy AND Justin Beaver. I swear I'll-"

"Bella? I've never seen you THIS violent."

The Cullen's bride turned her head, to face another super-good looking immortal being standing right behind her so pretty it makes us all wanna barf.

"Ed…Edward? OH, Eddy-poo love of my life, what happened! You're ALIVE!"

"yes, Bella. My ashes somehow ended up in the same area of the sewer after they were washed away, and then a magical fairy came and scooped them up and they were able to slowly regenerate themselves, the particles forming together into a body again. Oh, Bella, I'm even MORE of a monster now…"

"No, you're beautiful Eddykins! Come, Reneblahblahsassyblahblah or whatever the heck our daughter's name is will be so happy to see you again…"

"Oh Bella-"

"Oh Edward-"

And so, that about wraps it up. Gosh, those two make me wanna barf RAINBOWS they're so frikkin' SWEET. * sarcasm sarcasm *

* * *

><p>Ok, NOW we conclude this chapter.<p>

Cyber ninjas go~!

Do do do~!


	3. Chapter 3

Poof Chronicles 2: The Dorkcepticons

Chapter 3: In Which Histroy Repeats itself and Never Shuts Up

* * *

><p>"Alright, y'all overgrown soon-to-be bucket of extra-crispy feathery fluffy-buttmunches! HYAH!" Ok, I'll give your THREE guesses just WHO said that as she dug her heel into the side of a giant duck and started an angry flock of 50-ft chickens on their way out of the city of Detroit.<p>

Prowl and Bumblebee ran(one the right) as well as Sari and Bulkhead ran alongside, keeping the fowl herded and in line. Ratchet and Optimus ran behind to take care of stragglers, and Kahmelion, Clive, Phantom, and Thing were riding at the lead with Pen.

No, my friends, this is not a trippy dream. This is a crazy person getting chummy with the autobots and saving the city of Detroit, mayhem following her and her team everywhere she goes. This is Poof Chronicles, and this IS complete bullcrap.

* * *

><p>Prowl meditated in the living area. An impossible task, greatly, but if he was trying to teach the majority of team PaperWyngz ninja endurance, it'd be only natural he should master it. Meanwhile, Ratchet was toiling over getting all the feathers out of Bumblebee and Sari's systems. He was a MEDIC bot, not a VETERENARIAN.<p>

KABOOM!

"What in Primus's name-!"

The dust cloud cleared, and the biggest mallard you ever saw stepped through. Before you ask, yes he DID have a plaid hat on and it DID have those little pom-pom things on it. Just some important info for you. It lowered it's head and let Pen slide down, hop right off and give the medic bot a huge bear-hug around the head. It was all she could manage, given his side four times larger than her.

"Ratchet, mah boyo~!" Pen sat on his shoulder and looked him in the optics. "We're back from getting the flock across the lake."

"Back…unfortunately…"

"We got them across the border into the woods no problem. They're CANADA's problem now."

Meanwhile, in Toronto:

* * *

><p>"Seriously, Ramona, what the HECK!"<p>

"Ok, THIS time it's NOT on me!"

We now return you to The Dorkcepticons.

* * *

><p>Ratchet re-organized the tools on his workbench. "Alright, Pen, Kahmelion, Clive, Phantom, Thing, watch closely-PEN!"<p>

She looked up from the canvas she and Bulkhead were working over. "Hm? Oh, right, right. Proceed."

"Ok, as you might guess there are a few basics we need to cover. You have to know your way around a garage before you can find your way around the vehicle. First, today, we'll go over a few safety issues. Number one: always maintain a clean and organized workspace. Never put the-womp womp womp womp womp womp womp…" All Pen and Kahmelion really heard as he trailed on was a Charlie Brown teacher.

Pen looked around at all the tools while Kahmelion just got a good book out. There were whatsawhosits and thingmabobs galore and many things she had absolutely NO idea were called or what the heck they did-OOOOooooh…what does THIS button do?

"-and number 4: very important, you should NEVER touch anything without proper- PEN! DON'T TOUCH THA-"

KABOOOOM!

The autobots got up, blackened with soot. Sari tried wiping the stuff off her face and shook it out of her hair. Ratchet rose up and if he had veins, they'd be SO popping out of his head right now. All eyes were on ONE particular organic female.

Optimus walked in. "Autobots, we've gotten-…what happened in here?"

Ratchet picked up the teenager by the scruff and nearly flung her at him. "THIS little haywire sparkplug, THAT'S what!"

"Can I at least say I'm sorry?" Pen looked up at him, trying to see if puppy-dog eyes would work.

They didn't.

Optimus cleared his vocalizer. "Ahem…well, a-anyway….we've gotten sightings of Blitzwing and Lugnut in the woods…and…even a few reports say that they've seen…"

"Seen who?" Sari asked, getting a rag to help clean out Bumblebee's rims.

"Well…it's…they think they've seen _STARSCREAM."_

Gasp.

"But…Starscreams's offline! That's impossible!" Bulkhead exclaimed.

"Um…right here." Prowl raised his hand.

* * *

><p>"We are going camp-ing~! We are going camp-ing~!" Now, where have I seen this before? Pen rummaged around in Thing's head to make sure they were all ready. It sure cut down on all the trunk-space they had to use. "Well, I got everything us humans need. Bumblebee! You packing anything?"<p>

"Please have mercy." Thing said. Having endless hammer space to store things made it convenient, but it didn't make it pleasant. Ok, you may very well be wondering why Team PaperWyngz was going along WITH the autobots on this mission. Well, I'll tell you. 1) Pen begged to and wouldn't stop whining, 2) Bulkhead was excited to go and wanted his new friends along(and he's basically the only one who really regards her as such), 3) Prowl saw it as an opportunity to give his new student a little insight with nature and 4) Ratchet couldn't stand her being inside the same plant for another minute. So now, Bumblebee finished packing-which was reason number 5, he needed somewhere to fit all that junk- and they all transformed.

"Whoo! Wilderness adventure BEGINS! Woo~!" Pen hopped on motorcycle Prowl, and Phantom hung on with his long floppy ears right behind her. Sari climbed into Bumblebee's driver seat, and Kahmelion, Clive, and Thing hopped into Bulkhead's carriage.

"Does anyone else think this is a bad idea?" Clive paused before climbing in shotgun. "I mean, from what Pen's told me about last time something like this happened-"

Prowl paused a minute as well. "How do you now about that?"

Pen sighed and faceplamed. "ok- first: stop spoiling the plot guys, second: what part of poofing and 'I WATCHED the cartoon' don't you get?"

…Without another word, they sped off.

* * *

><p>"Wow…." Pen stood over the cliff and gazed over the treetops. "Ain't it so beautiful and nature-al out here?"<p>

"Well, poor grammar aside, yes. Quite." Prowl stood beside her, taking in the view. He'd been meaning to come out here anyway for a while now. He was so glad to enjoy this again. So glad, in fact, he completely forgot to make the lesson plan. He'd better think of something fast.

"Whatever." Kahmelion flipped a page in our book. "I'm not a fan of camping, and I'm really only out here because YOU dragged us."

"Yeah." Bumblebee arrived with the firewood. "All I know about this 'nature' thing is that the LAST time we were out here, it attacked us with snarling and claws and turned us into snarling zombies like in the movies."

Pen bounced over from the cliff. "FIRE~!" She arranged the kindling and got the steel and magnesium block out. "Clive, can you get me the knife?"

"I'm busy pitching the tent." He called over his shoulder, sleeves rolled-up and toiling over a tarp and rods.

"Um…genious?" Kahmelion took a sip of Dr. Pepper as she leaned against a random tree. "We have a car and an army-truck. THEY'RE the tent."

Pen thanked Clive for the knife. "Phantom, I would like some of your guts please."

"Um…mistress, do you really need MY stuffing?"

"Nah. Unless Thing doesn't have that extra fiberfill somewhere in his head."

"Right here, mistress." Thing handed her the fluff and Pen got the fire going. It was starting to get dark soon, so they better be prepared.

"I brought my guitar~!" Pen said, sing-songy.

"Please don't. I KNOW what you're thinking." Khamelion

"Let's gather 'round the campfire, and sing our campfire song~!" Pen started strumming.

"NO! I will BREAK that thing over your head!"

* * *

><p>"So, how are we gonna do this?" Kahmelion closed her book. "I mean, the whole reason we came out here was to investigate, right?"<p>

Sari thought. "We should probably split up to cover more ground. I figure three teams, Prowl can head up Black Team, Bumblebee will be Gold Team, and Bulkhead, you're leader of Green team."

"Ok, who goes with who?" Clive got up. "Considering our…assortment, each team should have at least one sane person and one wild card."

"I think he's talking about us, mistress." Phantom elbowed Pen in the leg.

"I'll go with Prowl." Kahmelion volunteered.

"It's dangerous to go alone! Take this!" Pen lifted up Thing and handed him to her bibliophile friend.

"I think I'll go with Bulkhead." Clive ventured.

"I'm-obviously- gonna go with bee." Sari pointed her thumb over her shoulder.

"And I'M calling dibs on the crazy glasses girl~!" Bumblebee fist-bumped Pen.

"That means Phantom's with me." Bulkhead transformed and opened his door.

"We'll meet back in about a megacycle or so." Prowl transformed as well, and Bumblebee soon followed suit. The bots, humans, techno-human and minions sped off in different directions, ready to scour the woods all the way to the border if they had to.

* * *

><p>Prowl put his headlights on. The sun was just setting, and they'd need to be able to see the cons to kick their tailpipes. From some other random campers' points of view, it may seem to be a funny sight. Kahmelion wasn't even steering. She just sat sidesaddle and pored through her book in the failing light, despite the strain to her eyes. Thing pulled a lamp halfway out of his head and clicked it on for her, adding to the oddity.<p>

"So, Kahmelion, is it?"

"Um, duh? We've been here for months."

"um…anyway, how long HAVE you and Pen been friends?"

"Ah, a few years, give or take. I think it was back in sixth grade we met. She was a HUGE anime freak, still is a bit. I had to put here through tons of fangirl rehab."

Prowl had no idea what she was talking about, but decided to act as if he did to keep up the smart ninja-ness. "Has she…ALWAYS been…well-" he temporarily untrasformed his arm and did the whole cuckoo finger swirl thing.

"Crazy? Very much so, yes."

"Alright….so, what's the story with Clive? Is he a relative of yours?"

"Nah, he's not related to either of us."

"Are you…well-"

"Ew! NO! Clive's our friend, AND like, 19 years old, so he's way too old for us. Pen needs some form of adult supervision, he's legally an adult. We met up with him on one of our other trips. Can we please STOP with the personal questions?"

"He's just curious." Thing said. "Probably trying to make small-talk."

Something jumped across their path. Prowl skidded to a halt and transformed, throwing Kahmelion and Thing off of his back.

"Hey!" She got up and brushed off her bottom. "A little WARNING, alright?"

"SSH!" He held up a hand to silence her, ticking her of CONSIDERABLY. "We're not alone."

The group sat and listened. Prowl shone his hi-beams through the trees. Kahmelion dispensed some paper from Thing's head and formed her sword, while Thing himself cowered behind her, clinging to her pants leg.

Nothing happened.

"Ok…" Prowl got out of defensive position. "It must have been a racc-AUGH!"

* * *

><p>"So…." Bumblebee sped across the path. "Pen, you like scary stories?"<p>

"To a degree. You seen Nightmare on Elm Street?" Pen asked the autobot who's hood she was riding on.

"Which one?" Sari flew beside them with her jet pack. "There's several."

"No, girl, I'm talking about the ORIGINAL one. Made in the 80s." Pen called back up to her.

"They still HAVE that? I thought it wasn't even on the MARKET any more."

"Well, maybe not in whatever year this is, but they have it on blu-ray 50 years back where I come from."

"…blu-ray? That's….that's VINTAGE now."

"I figured. Hey, you wanna see something funny?"

"What?" Sari leaned closer so Pen could whisper it to her. She nearly cracked up right there. "Ok, there are some things you DON'T joke about-"

"Aw, come on~!" Pen elbowed her. "You know you wanna see how he reacts."

"Reacts?" Bee put the brakes on and transformed. "Reacts to what?"

Sari snuck behind him and used her powers to short out his headlights.

"WHAT'RE YOU DOING?"

"Oh BUMBLEboooooot…."

Something clicked, and Bumblebee found himself face-to-face with one of his darkest fears.

"Wazzzp have Bumblebot right where Wazzzp wantz~!"

"YEAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!" He jumped 50 feet(we measured with a reenactment later) and fell right back on his bumper. In a panic, he shot his stingers at the foe.

Pen dodged the electric blasts. "WHOAH." And broke out in laughter.

Sari broke out as well, and put his headlights back on line.

"What? What happened?" Bumblebee got back on his feet.

Pen clicked off her flashlight and took off the helmet. "Man, the LOOK on your FACE….priceless~!" Where she got the Wasp helmet and the flashlight, we may never know.

"Oh, VERY funny." Bumblebee dusted himself off and put his hands on his hips. "Oh, and SO mature. You get that one from your protoform school buddies?"

"Wazzzp thinkz BUMBLEbot is a fine one to talk."

"YEAHG! Man, how do you get your voice to sound JUST like him…well, less mechanical though."

"I practice useless skills." Pen shrugged. Then, all of a sudden something WHOOSHED right behind her. It was so quick, she started, and found that part of her ponytail was sliced off.

"What the heck was that!" Sari drew her blue blades out.

"Oh, yeah right. Like I'm falling for more slag of yours." Bumblebee waved his stingers. "REAL funny, you two." He blushed.

There it went again. THIS time he payed attention.

"Ok, we're up against something or other." Pen took the notebook she was carrying out to get ready to fire if need be. "Possibly very dangerous and maybe could kill us, we don't have any clue as we're LITERALLY in the dark…I say we do this."

"Pen, you're less of a tactician than Bumb-" A sharp blow cut Sari off mid-sentence.

* * *

><p>"Hey, you guys hear those two screams coming from about where the others went off to?" Clive rolled down Bulkhead's window.<p>

"Maybe it was that crazed hook man-eye-ack mistress was telling me about…" Phantom leaped onto his head and clung to his hat. "Pen got hooked, Kahmelion got hooked, Thing got hooked, WE'RE ALL GUNNA GET HOOKED!"

"Calm down, little rabbit thing." Bulkhead opened the door so they could get out before he transformed. "I heard _something_ from those directions. We should probably go check it out."

Off in the distance, a loud crash was heard. It was like a thousand trees falling, and shortly following was another cry, followed by the sound of metal clashing.

"TROUBLE! WE GOTTA GO!" Bulkhead transformed back into armored personnel truck mode. "The cons can wait, Prowl and Bumblebee's teams need our help!" And so they sped off.

* * *

><p>Pen kept firing at the thing like there was no tomorrow-if only the same could be said for her paper supply. Luckily enough- or rather not-Black team had also been attacked. Thing was able to provide firepower and the all kept going like the energizer bunny. Kahmelion slashed at the blue form, landing all the weak links with deadly precision, as Prowl kept the monster off of her with his shuriken. Sari swooped in now and again with her blades on the lightning speed of her skates, and Bee blasted him with stinger volts. Phantom and Thing hid behind the trees left standing. But, with all their efforts it was no good. The attacker was fast, and with every hit they made, he would zip around and return three to each of them. The fiend had taken out their headlights as he'd encountered them, and it was a cloudy night with a new moon anyway. Why did they have to pick THAT night to have a night fight?<p>

Bulkhead arrived on scene and Clive hopped out with his lance, and rushed the foe head-on, only to be dodged in a split-second, flying right into Kahmelion and knocking them both over.

"Gosh, Clive. At least ask her to dinner first." Pen called over to them as she fired her paper shots at their assailent, earning her two fiery glares and smacks on the head. "What'd I say?"

"STOP ATTACKING MY FRIENDS!" And with that, Bulkhead unleashed his wrecking ball, and BAM. As the mysterious attacker was rushing to attack Pen once again, it was hit dead-on and knocked out cold. The group rushed over to see. Bulkhead was the only one with working headlights at that point, so he shone his light to reveal…

"Blurr!" Bumblebee exclaimed. "What the slag is he doing here!"

"HOW is he even HERE!" Pen bit her lip.

"Another impossible universe fart caused by us being here?" Kahmelion suggested.

Clive turned to face his female companions. "Just why is it so much of a shocker? I thought you knew everything and the bloody kitchen sink here!"

"That's why I'm so confused for once." Pen looked at the unconscious face of one of her favorite characters. "He was crushed into a cube of scrap metal."

"WHAT?" Bumblebee exclaimed. "You mean…you mean…HE died too? And nobody even KNEW this?"

"Nope. His remains were ejected into the void of space~!" Pen replied awfully chipper for the information she was relaying. "Although if you look closely at a gap in the crushed metal of the cube you can see his spark WAS still active, suggesting he was only in severe stasis, but fans like to be depressed sometimes. It gives them crap to whine about…well, mech…looks like we meet at last…"

"But then who…reconstructed his body?" Prowl raised an optic ridge. "And why would Agent Blurr attack us without explaining….a LOT?"

"Dude flaps his gums ninety to nothin'." Bumblebee agreed.

Bulkhead lowered his headlights to scan the body, and was shocked at what he saw. This required new kinds of action. "Um…guys? You MAY not wanna be touchin' him!"

The form leapt right back into conciousness, glaring red optics…and a mass of brown attatched to his side.

"What the slag!" Bumblebee exclaimed. "NOT AGAIN!"

And the uphill battle began again. So much for strength in number against THIS guy.

"I can't get him!" Clive slashed about with his lance, trying to land a blow. "He's super fast, and the barnacles are enhancing his strength!"

"Ok, the undead thing is getting OLD, it was scary enough, and now the dude had FANGS!"

"Bulkhead, turn down your hi-beams!" Bumblebee called. "I can't focus with all the light shining off his metal!"

Pen lowered her notebook/gun for a minute. "Wait…undead with fangs…super-fast and strong….super-shiney…and millions of fangirls the world over! OHMY GAWD HE'S EDWARD CULLEN!"

"In that case," Sari attempted to rush him with a slice. "All the more reason for us to put him out of his misery!"

"We'll save you from THAT fate, man!" Bumblebee zapped his stinger on high. "Now if you'd JUST hold STILL!"

"Wait, don't they need some sort of heat to get them off?" Pen called. "Sari, try focusing the thrusters on your jet pack! Prowl, you help her out with your own thrusters!"

"We can't get close enough!" Prowl said with another throw of the shuriken. "Blurr's too fast on a regular basis, and the barnacles are increasing his stamina."

Pen dodged-barely- another fly-by by zombie Blurr and hunkered down behind the same log her minions happened to be behind. "Thing! Get the flamethrower!"

Phantom rummaged around in his comrade's head and came up with…nothing.

"What do you MEAN it's not there?"

"We must've forgot to pack it!"

"Forgot it! It's sparkly and pink, how did you FORGET it? Try poofing back home and FIND it!"

SQUID!

Pen looked over her shoulder at the scrap. She leaned over the side of the log and fired more paper rounds, but she was no good at moving targets. Suddenly, she had an idea. It was SO stupid and SO idiot and SO insane that only SHE could think of something like it and would possibly be killed.

"Thing, get my guitar out."

* * *

><p>Sari was thrown against a tree so hard it was knocked out of the ground by the force. Thanks to the ORGANIC part of techno-organic she could at least resist contracting the barnacles. The fight was going downhill. What they needed now was either a miracle or at least Pen to do something so stupid it works.<p>

"Ladies, gentlemen, and giant barnacle monster things. I call this one the Campfire Song Song."

"PEN!" Kahmelion raised her sword to deflect another blow. "This is REALLY not the best time!"

"Nonetheless, you must trust I know what I'm doing, even if it's clear I do not!" Pen strummed her guitar, making sure it was in tune, then started.

"Let's gather 'round the campfire, and sing our campfire song.

Our c-a-m-p-f-i-r-e-s-o-n-g song

And if you think that we can't sing it faster then you're wrong, but it'll help if you just sing along~!"

Bulkhead joined in for the simple reason as he has the same voice actor as this role and you totally saw it coming. "Bum bum buuuuuuuum-"

"C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E-S-O-N-G SONG

C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E-S-O-N-G SONG

And if you think that we can't sing it faster than your wrong but it'll help if you just sing along~!

C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E-S-O-N-G SONG, BULKHEAD~!"

"s-s-song! C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E-"

"Khamelion~!"

"…"

"Good~!"

"It'll heeeeelp, it'll heee-he-heeeeelp," Pen strummed deeply.

"If you just sing along~!"

And then she smashed her guitar on the ground. "OH YEAH!"

"S…song! C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E-S-O-N-Gsongandifyouthinkthatwecan'tsingitfasterthanyou'rewrongbutit'llhelpifyoujustsingalong!"

"What's he doing?" Sari got back on guard.

"What Blurr does best. Talk so fast it's almost annoying." Pen swept the remains of her instrument back into Thing's head. "I knew he wouldn't be able to resist being smarter than everyone, and that song requires the fasted vocals I've ever heard besides maybe Disappearance of Hatsune Miku, but that would change the genre of this fanfic."

"Well, he's busy and he's stopped running." Prowl lowered his weapons. "We need to burn those barnacles off now!"

"Phantom still isn't back with the flamethrower yet." Pen wrung her hands. "Oh, if ever there was a time for the plot-convenience fairies…"

And then FIYAH blasted down from the sky and hit Blurr dead-on, charring the nasty things right off.

"Wow…those plot fairies sure get around…" Kahmelion remarked at the steaming metal body, just regaining his conciousness. Clive facepalmed.

"It's not 'fairies,' Pen." Prowl pointed at the sky. "Look!"

Indeed they weren't fairies. They were jets.

A blue jet flew overhead, while an orange and white autobot stood on it and fired the deadly blast, completely ridding the nasty things. The orange one hopped of, and the blue one transformed, both of them sticking the landing right in front of the group.

"Brother, the barnacles are being got rid of?"

"Yes, Brother. We are being okie for the dokie." The two high-fived, then proceeded some sort of handshake or whatever.

"Oh…my…GAWSH…" Pen's jaw dropped. "THAT WAS TOTALLY WICKED!" She ran over to the jet twins. "Jetfire, Jetstorm! You haywire sons of a glitch~!" She held out her fist for a fistbump.

"Hallo, miss organic." Jetfire gingerly returned the gesture. He was still getting used to humans, I guess.

Jetfire squatted down to her eye-level. "Who and how are you being?"

"My name's Pen. We're a lot better now, thanks to you~! Hey, everyone, say hi!"

"Pen?" Jetfire paused. Jetstorm also squatted down next to his brother. "The same Pen who was helping us out of some slagged-up mess back on Trade World?"

Pen smoothed out her shirt. "You know it~!"

"PEN!" Jetfire scooped her up and tossed her in the air. "It's been stellarscycles~! How you've been doing?"

"Hey, Mister Jazz sir!" Jetstorm called over his shoulder. "We are knowing this organic! We are knowing her!"

Clive stood dumb-founded. "Pen? You sure get around, don't you?"

"Well, I was there too." Kahemlion sipped some Dr. Pepper, bored out of her mind again.

A police car burst into the clearing, transforming and revealing yet another familiar face. "Well, dawg, I was wondering who y'all's new friends over here were-" he turned to face Prowl, stopped speechless and froze.

"Jazz?" The ninja bot stood back.

"Prowl?...how…how did you…?"

"ZOMBIE BOT!" Jetfire and Jetstorm hugged eachother.

"It's…a long story…that I still don't know myself…" Prowl scratched the back of his head.

"We THINK it has something to do with me being here, but I may just be abusing my Mary Sue liscence." Pen pulled the card out of her pocket. "The universes we go to seem to have…well, flatulence. Either way, he's here, which is AWESOME."

"It's…it's great to have you back, dawg." They clasped hands. "So, Jetfire, Jetstorm, y'all say you know these femmes?"

"Yes, Mr. Jazz sir! She is being very cool, don't be worrying." They saluted.

"Well, any friend of my guys is a friend of mine, dawg."

"Jazz, how did you find us out here?" Prowl put away his shuriken.

"Sentinel sent us out here to investigate the reports. We didn't find nothin', so we decided to head back, but then we heard the fight goin' on. Figured be better help y'all."

"Well…good fortune I suppose. You say you didn't find anything either?"

"Nah, dawg. Locals probably saw agent Blurr here and freaked."

"OhsoyoudorememberI'mstillhere?" The form sprang back up into sitting position.

All eyes snapped back on the elite guard intel agent.

"Everyone I have extrememely important information to relay to you it's absolutely crucial to the utmost extent that you listen! I know the identity of the decepticon traitor, who in fact was NOT wasp as previously suspected but upon my near destruction by said traitor I can positively identify the disguised Shockwave as none other than Cyberton's head of autobot intelligence Longarm Prime! Furthermore-"

"It's a little LATE for that! Geez. Talk about slow uptake."

"Well, my sincerest apologies for being CRUSHED to NEAR-OFFLINE status!" Blurr poked the younger bot in the chest.

"Blurr~!" Pen hugged the bot best she could with her relative size to his. "Ok, dude, my name's Pen, I'm a huge fan-even if you DO tend to beat a dead spark around- SO thrilled to meet you, but HOW in the name of the mother of Shakespear's mother did you get back to earth? Who re-constructed you?"

"If he's going to trail on forever and a day, can he explain on the way back to the camp site?" Kahmelion tossed her empty can aside. Prowl caught it and shot her an aweful glare for litering.

"Come on." Sari re-started her jet pack. "Let's go." The bots re-transformed. Kahmelion and Thing sat back on the Prowl-cycle, Clive climbed back into Bulkhead's carriage, and Sari and Pen regrouped with Bee.

They sped off back to camp, forming a convoy along the path. Blurr sped towards the front, despite not really knowing which way to go. "So, where would you like me to begin?"

"Begin at the beginning." Pen shrugged.

"And when you reach the END-" Kahmelion took out another Dr. Pepper, catching onto the obvious reference. "Stop~!"

You could hear the blue mech taking a huge breath. This was going to take a while.

* * *

><p>"Well, once Shockwave had me disposed of he failed to realize that while I had been crushed, my spark was still intacts or rather than being offline I was in severe stasis. I floated aimlessly through the void of space not being able to move or call for help. However, after seemingly endless waiting as I prepared to go offline I was found by a strange being who didn't seem mechanic OR organic, but some other sort of strange being. This alien being took me in his or her hands and used some form of transwarping ability and I found myself waking up cycles later with my body completely intact. My only hypothesis considering my location in some form of lab with computers showing my own schematics-quite creepy if you ask me my recollection of events-that this being had some how downloaded my schematics from the cubed remains and followed the design rebuilding me completely. I tried to get up, but the next thing I remember feeling was a great electric shock and I distinctly remember seeing both red and black lightning. I woke up here on earth cycles later not knowing how I came to be here and I found my self in a mine shaft, which is where I came in contact with the space barnacles and was posesed shortly thereafter. I have no recollection from the point I was overtaken by the space barnacles to the point where I heard the strange music-you have NO speed in your speech, by the way-and when I woke up soon later where you were making aquantances."<p>

"Is that all?" Pen looked up from her notepad, furiously jotting down what the mech was saying.

"Please." Bumblebee put the brakes on as they had reached the campsite once more. "Don't encourage him."

* * *

><p>"And so I tell him, I tells him: Spoot you, THAT'S what!" Pen finished, and they burst out in laughter. "Y'all KNOW he had THAT one coming! BEGGIN' for me to say it!"<p>

Jazz laughed and put his arm around her shoulder. "Now, I like this girl, dawg. We gotta meet up some time, dang!" He patted her on the back, almost knocking her off her seat.

Kahmelion looked up from something on the laptop. "Hey guys, come here! I think we may be able to resolve confusion of the return of TWO characters this chapter."

"What do you mean?" Clive looked over her shoulder.

"Well, we know how Blurr got here, but I did some digging and I found out a possible theory as to why Prowl's here of all things."

"But we DON'T know how Blurr really got here." Pen put away her guitar(hey, we somehow fixed it completely during the scene transition~! Yay~!). "All he said was he met a strange black and red being in space.

"Oh, come on, who ELSE do we know wears red and black, is TOTALLY strange and would send an evil monster after you?"

"…my gut says Harley Quinn. She's still sore from when I beat her at our last poker game."

Kahmelion facepalmed. "Anyway, I did some searching and cross-referenced through other fanfics, the allspark almanac and other Transformers wikis, and I think I got a theory."

"Why do you CARE so much? You don't put this effort into any of Pen's other hairbrained schemes." Clive poured himself some tea from Thing's head.

"I was doing some checking up so I wouldn't be TOTALLY confused here considering I DON'T watch this crappy cartoon, and Pen offered me ten cases of Dr. Pepper and some Kimchi from her source in Marzipan City."

"…continue." Prowl raised an optic ridge.

"Well, from the fan crap and cannon crap I can conjecture this- Time warps."

"Say what now, dawg?" Jazz also cocked a ridge.

"The allspark did this really dramatic crap where it was so amazed with your selfless sacrifice or whatever that a time warp thing happened. All it really needed was a jumpstart. It HAD all the other sparks, so when you added your energy it overloaded and created a tear in the space-time continuum so your conciousness was taken through said wormhole and came out through a similar tear when we came to this world, so it took the nearest doorway it saw and now you're here again, whoopee, Pen gets to be a proper fangirl, the fans are pleased, etcetera, etcetera-"

"Problem solved~!" Pen gave a thumbs-up.

"…that doesn't even make sense when _I _think about it but alright." Blurr sipped some of the oil they'd brought with them.

"This 'camping' thing is being very much fun, brother." Jetfire and Jetstorm fist-bumped. "We must be doing it again some time~!"

"Time travel? Seriously? What kind of dues-ex-machina bullcrappery is that?" Clive crossed his arms.

Pen coughed, sounding an awful lot like she was saying 'hypocrit.'

"…blimey, look at the time." Clive pulled back his sleeve to check his watch. "We've been out here for hours. It's WAY late. We should get ready to tuck in."

"Clive's right. We'll keep watch in case we do catch sight of the cons." Prowl stood up. "I'll take first watch with Jazz."

"You said it, dawg, we still got some catchin' up to do."

"I'm fellin' a bit bushwhacked myself." Pen yawned widely.

Bumblebee and Bulkhead transformed and let their human friends camp inside, getting ready to recharage themselves. Jetfire and Jetstorm just leaned themselves up against some trees and went right into sleep mode.

* * *

><p>All was quitet.<p>

SQUID

"Um, guys? I found the flamethrower!" Phantom looked around. Prowl held his finger to his lips for silence. "I missed the whole fight, didn't I?"

"'fraid so, dawg." Jazz replied. "Hey, Prowl?" He turned to his fellow Ninja-bot.

"What is it?"

"Y'all got some cool new friends."

"…they certainly are interesting."

PROWL EARNED THE POWER OF FRIENDSHIP~!

"Who said that!" Jazz leaped up on guard, nunchucks ready.

AUTOBOTS AND TEAM PAPERWYNGZ EARNED THE POWER OF NEWFOUND MUTUAL RESPECT

"Dawg, you seriously not hearnin' that!"

Prowl sighed. "You'll get used to it in time."

THE END OF CHAPTER 3~!


	4. Chapter 4

Poof Chronicles 2 : The Dorkcepticons

Chapter 4: In Which We Have our First Total Rip-Off

* * *

><p>What? What's THIS! A PARODY?<p>

…

Yay~! Always loved Angry Beavers, always wanted to do this.

* * *

><p>Megatron's frequency buzzed once again. The machinery was some sort of ancient slag, so he only recognized this line by the fact that it HAD little to no distinguishable frequency and had been buzzing in about every day for a few Deca-Cycles(an: hey, my first Author's note, too~! Anyway, I looked it up and Deca-Cycle seems close to a month)

"Yes? What is it? Who are you asking for THIS time? Seymour Butts or Ophelia Hiney? Oh, or possibly Hugh Jaft or your good friend I.P. Freeley?" He boomed into the receiver. "NONE OF THEM LIVE HERE, FOR THE THOUSANDTH TIME!"

The same female voice came out over the other end. "Oh, no, you must have me mistaken. You see, my name is Imma Surr-"

"Imma Surr WHO, dare I ask?"

"IMMA SURR glad I ain't YOU MOMMA!" And then the expected uproarious laughter came. The male voice he'd also often heard sounded as well.

"Oh, so BLOODY _brilliant._" Again, eyes could be heard rolling.

"Pen, get off the line!" The other female voice ended the call once again, leaving Lord Megatron to just sit and steam and wish he had them here to squeeze the spark out of.

* * *

><p>Ratchet had his reading visor on, and carefully studied the large sheet of paper at his desk, picking through a box of materials with fine tweezers, a welding torch and electric socket wrench at his side. Pen, Clive, Phantom, Thing, Sari, and Bumblebee were animatedly playing some sort of video game on the big screen that probably didn't require NEAR as much shouting and whooping and hollering as they were doing while Kahemlion read her book with some Dr. Pepper.<p>

The medic bot gumbled over his task. "Alright, insert part three A-" he looked at the piece he was currently holding under close scrutinty. "-guess so…into part ten-twenty six G." He raised his optic ridges and looked for the part he was missing. "One seventy-six E? Where is it? Where is it- SLAG IT, I NEED QUIET!"

All the teenagers' eyes and optics snapped immediately to his, some halting mid-yell.

The older mech sighed. "I'm trying to assemble this super-electro gizzer-blinkey-" He paused so Pen and Sari could have their own little snicker at the name. "-So I can say goodbye to cleaning up after the enormous messes you all leave behind."

"Sorry, we can't." Pen stated dutifully. "This is a very high-intensity game, focusing on lightning-fast reflexes, sharp focus, and to some extent teamwork. We have to keep on game and keep eachother on game." And so they turned back to the screen.

Ratchet got down from his seat. "And it ALL becomes clear now…Mario Party 20, one of the most co-operative, competitive-as well as time and attention consuming- game of this season, popular amongst large groups. Pardon me while I laugh up my sleeve at your protoformish behaviour."

"Huh?" Pen cocked an eyebrow back at him. Yes, she CAN play games without even looking at the SCREEN.

Optimus chose that moment to enter, with an air of urgency. "Autobots, we got a notice from…Setninel…" He sighed the name, shaking his head. "He's requested for us to meet with him at his ship."

"What does that gear-head want this time?" Ratchet removed his reading visor, also shaking his head.

"He said he wanted to discuss some important matter. He didn't say just WHAT matter, though." The younger mech replied, shrugging. "Knowing him, we'll likely be gone all day tomorrow listening to him shoot his mouth off." Optimus rolled his eyes.

"Don't worry, dude." Pen called over from the couch. "No one likes him in MY universe, either."

It was then Prowl entered the conversation. Don't ask _when_ he entered the room, he's a ninja, he can do that kind of thing. "Who's going to watch the plant while we're off on our 'meeting?'"

Optimus scratched his head."Well, Sentinel would jump off a cliff and take us all down with him if he caught skin plate or helmet of an organic. They'd be staying behind anyway."

"Not a slagging chance!" Ratchet brought his fist down on his work table. "THOSE ones? In the plant ALONE? The place'll be blown sky-high, leveled, and UNDERWATER by the time we get back!"

Prowl held up his hands to signal for the medic to CALM the SLAG down. "We'll just have to leave them detailed instructions for what needs to be done and what must NOT be touched. They should be fine."

"Good." Ratchet crossed his arms. "Then YOU can be in charge of leaving the message for your little padawans over there."

"Fair enough." Optimus turned to face the ninja-bot. "Since our newest arrivals can't read Cybertronian, you may want to make a video or a recording telling them what to do."

"I'll help~!" Bumblebee called from the little game circle. THIS ought to be good.

* * *

><p>It was nighttime at the plant. The two bots shuffled into Prowl's room after the attack of the zombie gelatin…yeah, don't ask.<p>

"Come on, Bumblebee." Prowl called from his seat at the foot of his tree holding the script he'd hastily scrawled with the basics.

"Yeah yeah, cool your thrusters." The younger bot swaggered in, and accidentally bumped into the camera tripod, almost knocking it over and rushing to right it again. Prowl facepalmed.

"Anyway, I think we should make sure they know to do the basic things, like bringing in the paper and oil at least."

"Oh, yeah!" Bumblebee agreed. "OH! And while we're at it, let's have them water your plants, turn the lights on, and-OH! We can have them re-paint the plant~! I think yellow walls with black poka-dots…AND they could finish putting together Ratchet's super-electro gizzar-blinkey! Oh! And, and-" the bot just ran on and on. "here's a good one! They can hang that disco ball in the living room, and new bunk-berths made out of…of…CANDY-CORN!"

Oh, hold on, what is that red light on the camera? Do you think Bee could have accidentally pressed record? Hm? Do ya? Do ya do ya do ya do ya do ya?"

"And THEN they could put those little twinkly lights up all around the plant, and scrape the sludge out of Omega Supreme's tailpipe, and drain lake Michigan, strip mine the forest and make it a LAND-FILL SITE~!" he twitched he was getting so fragged."

Oh, wait…yes he has…this ought to turn out interesting.

"…They're JUST teen-age GIRLS a guy and two plushies!" Prowl called over to his deranged-for-a-minute comrade. "Why don't you have them raise the Titanic while you're at it?"

Bumblebee shot a smirk over his shoulder at the ninja-bot. "Don't be ridiculous. They're just teenagers and two plushies, Prowl. Even if you ARE teaching them your ninja-slag."

Prowl face-palmed. "Just…start the video…"

Bee pressed the record button (actually causing the video to STOP. Hehe.) and re-focused the lense. "Alright, Prowl, you're on."

The ninja cleared his vocalizer. "Hey, girls- and Clive and the minions. We'll be back sometimes at night, who knows when, so just bring in the paper and oil, put a little seed out for the birds, and water the plants, Oh! And DON'T-" he held up a finger to illustrate his point. "-eat too many snacks, and PLEASE don't touch the gizzar-blinkey."

"And don't open the door for strangers, even if you know them." Bumblebee cut in on screen.

"Sage advice, Bumblebee." Prowl patted the younger bot on the shoulder. "Now get the disk ready while I go get the students so we can start our night training session." And he left the room.

Bee walked up to the tripod. "And…eject." The disk SHOT out, crashing against the wall, causing a HUGE crack. Bumblebee just shrugged and walked out, taking the tripod. He rounded out of the door, down the hall, and into Sari's room, where the haywire sparkplugs were all sleeping-SEPARATE sleeping bags, mind you-and placed he disk on the nightstand, ruffling his favorite little organic Sari's hair on his way out. He saw Prowl rustling then all-minus Sari and Kahmelion- back awake.

"Come on, students."

"Sensei Prowl, can't night sessions wait until morning?" Pen rubbed her eyes and straightened out her Sonic the Hedgehog pajamas.

"Let's go, the well of knowledge waits for no bot…or organic."

* * *

><p>The NEXT day…oh Primus.<p>

Clive waved to Optimus as they all transformed and rolled out.

"Are you sure you'll be ok…and for Primus's sake, keep an eye on your friends especially?"

"Don't worry, Prime. We'll make sure to watch the video Prowl and Bee made, and follow it TO the LETTER, and I'll dial your frequency if anything gets out of hand." Clive's eye twitched. He wasn't TOO thrilled about being the official 'adult supervision.' He was really only 19.

"Alright. I don't really know HOW long Sentinel could keep us there, but I think we SHOULD be back around 'seven thirty' as your organics say."

And so they sped off.

Pen ran inside and vaulted over the back of the couch and plopped herself right now. "Phantom~!" She called over her shoulder. "You got the disk they left?"

"Right here, mistress." The plushie popped it in the DVD player while the others took their seat.

"They could have just left a note." Sari rested her head in her hands. "_I _could have translated the cybertronian for you.

"Yeah, you guys have fun with this." Kahmelion flipped to her place in her book. "I'm gonna go eat some food-NYAGH!" Ok, rule of thumb, never do what Clive just did and poke Kahmelion in the side. She will NINJA slap you upside the HEAD.

"AUGH!" Clive clutched the throbbing lump on the side of his head. "Ahem…what I was SAYING is: oh no you don't, you're sitting RIGHT down here and helping us with WHATEVER it is that needs to be done around her exactly."

"UUUuuuuuuuugh….." She rolled her eyes and sat down, arms crossed. The image flashed onto the screen, showing Bumblebee in all his glory.

"Paint the-plants-yellow with black poka dots."

The group paused.

"Sounds OK to me, guys~!" Pen hopped right too it.

* * *

><p>The paint was easy to find. There were several barrels in Bulkhead's room, and the minions hefted them into Prowl's room, setting them down with an oof.<p>

Kahmelion and Pen looked at eachother. "We got this one covered.

* * *

><p>Sighing, Kahemlion picked up a large brush and deftly covered every leaf and crack in the bark of the tree, then got a tracing ring from Thing's head and used a smaller brush to do each dot with precision, a ruler to make them completely OCD-ly evenly spaced. She took her time to make every spot spot-on. "PEN! How're you doing down there?"<p>

"Smashing~!" Her friend replied. Pen had gone RIGHT to work on the bonsais. She took a tarp, set them all on top, grabbed a bucket and splashed them all over. Next, she took another brush and slashed it all about like some sort of Harry Potter character's wand and gave them all a sweet splatter job. "There, you see? You just have to let your creative juices fuh-LOW~!"

"It looks rather like they FLOWED all over you." A chilling voice entered the room.

Pen forgot to look down at her totally paint-splattered shirt and instead stared at the red and black figure floating right in front of her.

Kahmelion snapped her head around. "REALA? Aw HECK no! Not THIS creeper!"

Pen instinctively reached for her paper, but then remembered she and Kahmelion were the only ones there and got into defensive position. "So, you FINALLY decide to show your pastey, messed-up, ugly ugly UGLY ugly face?"

"Oh, don't be like that, dear Pen." The nightmaren reached out to touch her face, and was kicked in the hand, following by a roundhouse kick to the jaw, sending him flying into the wall.

"I don't know karate, but I DO know crazy, and I WILL use it!" Pen got back into stance. "Prowl's been training me, so don't even THINK about it!"

He simply got up, spit out his tooth and laughed. "Well, you see, Pen, about that…I made a new friend."

Kahmelion paused…"What's that noise getting louder and louder?"

It's a jet engine, my dear, and it crashed into the ceiling at made Prowl's sky light that much bigger.

"YEAGH!" Kahemelion abandoned tree, and fell right onto the floor next to Pen and sprang back up. "What the shiznit?"

"Oh, holy beep on a beep sandwich with beep on top and a side order of beep…" Pen's eyes grew wide. "ANOTHER zombie in this fanfic…"

Ladies and gentlemen, Starscream the Decepticon~!

Fangirls cheering aside, back to the show.

"Hello there, little organic sprags." The flying bot smiked.

"Pen…" Kahmelion seethed. "WHO is THAT!"

"It's Starscream, but I thought he was DEAD! I SWEAR!"

"Yeah, well that didn't stop Samurai Jack or Speedey Gonzales Runs-his-mouth!"

"Are we REALLY going to talk about this NOW?"

"How did a decepticon even FIND the autobot base, man?"

"Oh, that was actually an easy one." Starscream put his hands on his hips. "You see, I just hacked into Megatron's frequency one day to see what the obsolete bucket of bolts was up to, and I started hearing your LOVELY prank calls. Great material, by the way. I've NEVER seen him so incredibly irritated, it's DELICIOUS~!"

"Thank you." Pen beamed, still in defensive position. Kahemelion elbowed her in the side…HARD.

"Anyway," The bot continued. "My good friend Reala here clued me in that the very users of the frequency had been so chummy with the autobots lately, so I decided I'd drop by."

"Ok, leaving the fact that Pen's prank calls I TOLD her NOT to make revealed the location of the autobots base to TWO maniacs for me to mash her potatoes over later," Kahmelion turned to face Reala. "How in the HELLO did you two meet and WHY the HELLO are you helping each other?"

Reala smirked. "He needed to be back online and get back at this 'Megatron' and these 'autobots' , I needed some way to get to my dear Pen here…everybody wins." He shrugged. "Now, I'm afraid, we'll be destroying this place." He finished with a smile.

The two girls looked at eachother. A hyperactive knuclehead ninja in-training(Naruto, PLEASE don't sue) and an angry Asian. NOT gonna happen.

* * *

><p>Starscream and Reala's bound and gagged bodies hit the back of the closet and struggled to get onto their feet, only to have the door slammed in their faces. Pen lowered her kicking foot, and dusted off her hands. "Well, that takes care of them."<p>

Kahemelion bonked her on the back of the head. "Are you out of your effing MIND?"

"99 percent of the time, yes."

"We have two VILLAINS in the plant! Two villains that YOU basically INVITED in, in the plant that OP trusted US to watch! Do you have ANY idea what mess you've caused?"

"Vaugely." The two walked back down the hall to the living room. "Look, we can't tell the guys, or they'll FREAK…also I don't want them to hit me…"

"You'll HAVE to tell them and face the music some time."

"Keep it shut and I'll buy you ten cases of Dr. Pepper and Ten new books to go with them."

"…WHAT decepticons?"

* * *

><p>The rounded back into the living room and sat back down on the couch. Clive pressed play again on the DVD player. "Yeesh, what took you guys so long?"<p>

The visual was a bit fuzzy, but the audio was fairly decent. "and put candy corn on-the disco ball~!" Paused.

The team looked at eachother. Sari spoke up finally. "O…k…that's a bit…odd. Why the heck would they want us to do THAT!"

"I dunno." Pen shrugged. "But if they want us to put candy corn the disco ball there must be a good reason….Phantom, you and Thing do it."

* * *

><p>The two plushies made their way to Bumblebee's room and opened the storage closet. Sure enough, there it was….on the TOP shelf.<p>

Phantom tried poofing up.

SQUID! "I got it, I got it~!"

"Good." Thing stood below, arms wide. "Now get down here with it so we can get it candy-corn'd."

"Alright, here I go-WHOAH!" The plushie tripped on some rags and went tumbling down, landing RIGHT on the face of his fellow minion. With the crash of countless useless stuff the bot kept in there falling all around them.

Thing poked his head up out of the debris, and pulled the disco ball out. "Well, THAT was nuts."

Phantom popped out of the pile as well. "Let's just get too it."

* * *

><p>The two were about halfway done with the task.<p>

"Uns uns uns un-un uns~!" Thing was getting' his groove on already.

Phantom looked up from the paste. "Thing, stop pinching all the candy corn. We won't have enough to finish."

"Hey," The other minion shrugged. "Mistress Pen LOVES candy corn, we should save her some. Besides, if we run out we can just get more from the machines out in the living room."

"Who puts CANDY CORN in VENDING MACHINES?"

Thing shrugged. "Someone."

"I hope the autobots are having as much fun as WE are." The little gothic rabbit-looking plushie rolled his button eye sarcastically.

* * *

><p>"So, anyway, blah blah blah blah sightings blah blah blah blah impossible, how can it be explained blah blah blah blah Starscream blah blah blah blah zombie tech blah blah blah blah I'm awesome look at my chin blah blah blah blah OMG how the slag blah blah blah blah-" Sentinel droned on, and yes, that's basically all I hear when I listen to him talk, too.<p>

Bumblebee rested his head on the table, bored out of his ever-lovin' mind. "This guy goes on FOREVER." He whispered up to Optimus.

"Hm…discussing matters at a discussion? Whoda thunk it?" he whispered sarcastically down to his underling.

"Not me."

The Prime facepalmed.

* * *

><p>Phantom and Thing had finished pasting up the disco ball and poofed eachother up to hang it on the ceiling for some Friday night fever. They danced and jigged and whooped and hollered and junk like idiots.<p>

"WHOO~! Boogey wonderland~!" Phantom got his groove on while Thing struck a pose. The two laughed and headed for the hallway. As they rounded out of the door into the hall , they heard a

THUD.

"Bro, you hear that?" Thing paused for a minute.

BANG!

"There it is again." Phantom turned around. "It's coming from the closet…"

THUD THUD!

Phantom and Thing gathered their courage and went up to the door. Something-or someone- was in there. "…you open it first."

"What!" Thing shoved his fellow minion. "YOU open it!"

"Why can't you!"

"Why can't YOU?"

Phantom swallowed-you'd wonder how he did that since he's a plushie- and slowly reached for the door handle, opened the door-

-and received a full blow in the face from it as it banged open and flung him against the wall.

"Ah, at LAST!" Starscream picked himself up and stood before the cowering little plushies. "Thanks to this effeminate one's precisely manicured nails we were able to escape!"

"HEY!" Reala floated up to his eye level. "Chicks DIG my nails! And I'm totally MASCULINE!"

"Well, PEN doesn't seem to like them." Starscream rolled his optics. "And maybe you should come out of the closet. I mean, we both LITERALLY just came out of a closet, it's the perfect opportunity and-"

"SILENCE! Just get on to the plant!...oh, wait, I think you stepped in something…"

The mech and the nightmaren looked down at just what was under Starscream's positively humongous high-heels.

"H…hey…" Phantom called weakly from under his trapped position. "Could you…get off my face?"

Reala tossed his head back and laughed like a snobby rich girl. "You little insignificant piece of crap! I can't BELIEVE my dear Pen hangs out with the likes of YOU!"

"I can't believe she EVER hung out with the likes of YOU!" Thing, in nothing flat, opened the drawstrings of his head, pulled out a CHAINSAW and leaped forward and kicked the nightmaren RIGHT in the chest, sending him reeling back to the opposite wall. Taking advantage of the confusion, Phantom poofed up with the sound of "SQUID!"-per usual- right up to Starscream's face, caught an aluminum baseball bat tossed to him by Thing and banged the decepticon right in the face, causing him great pain and a smashed-in face. As the jet clutched what would be his nose, Thing landed and revved up the chainsaw.

"Alright…BOTH of you freeze!"

Reala got up, staggering, and clutched his side, spitting out another tooth. He immediately received a menacing revv in the face.

"I SAID FREEZE, SPOOTERS!" Thing seethed like a madman. If he had saliva, he'd likely be foaming at the mouth.

The mech and the nightmaren stood in shock instantly. Phantom dispensed the bat back into Thing's head and took out a length of rope. In a few poofs they were bound, gagged, and hitting the back wall of the closet with the door slamming in their faces again. "Man…I think we learned more in Sensei Prowl's ninja training than Mistress did…"

Thing, breathing heavily, eventually calmed down and put the chainsaw back. "Did I just snap?"

"I DO believe so…" Phantom stared at the closet, then locked it to be sure. "Why were they even IN the closet to begin with?"

"Dunno…we can't tell Mistress Pen or the others, or they'll FREAK!"

"But we can't just hide them in the closet!"

Thing paused for a bit. "I have another idea…but I don't like it one bit…"

"What is it?"

gingerly, Thing lifted his comrade's ear and whispered something.

* * *

><p>They finally got both of them into Thing's drawstring head. Hammer space is handy to have. Thing shuddered. "There are villains in my brains…"<p>

"Hey, you suggested it. Besides, we couldn't leave them in the closet." Phantom tied up the drawstrings. "We can get rid of them later."

"…dude…never speak of this again…"

"Never, bro."

The two rounded into the living room to find the other chowing down. Pen called to them from the couch, "Mah minions~! What took y'all so long?"

"Yeah, we were able to order pizza while your were at it." Sari took a bite of some pepperoni. "Come on, we gotta see the next thing on the list."

Clive clicked the remote.

"Oh! Put the bunk berths-in the living room." Bumblebee was paused once more, and the group once again raised a collective eyebrow.

* * *

><p>"They're HUGE!" Sari facepalmed. "How in the mother of Primus are we supposed to get THESE into the living room?" She and Clive looked up at the positively ginormous "beds" with awe.<p>

Clive paused for a minute, and came up with a thought. "I think I've got something. You're somewhat super-strong, right?"

"To a degree. You have an idea?"

"Yep. Leave it all to me…"

* * *

><p>And so that's how Sari ended up with two berths on her back, lifting and carrying them through the plant.<p>

"Come on, Techy~!" Clive called from his seat atop the mass, feet dangling off the side. "Giddyup, mighty stallion~!"

"Ok, one more word and I'm coming right up there and CUTTING YOU LIKE A-"

As she was yelling at Clive and not paying attention really WHERE she was going-really, when you have a heavy load and know where your going, the only direction that matters is "forward"- she didn't notice as Pen-friggin' fatty- tossed her empty banana peel over her shoulder and right into her path. Sari's foot fell on the discarded fruit carcass and they spun out in a cliché antic of cartoonery.

Screaming, Sari slid straight forward as Clive hung on for dear sweet life up top. With the momentum and size and sheer weight of the bunkberths, they crashed RIGHT through the wall, rounded the corner in the next room and straight through another wall.

Sari hit the back of the couch and stopped, but Clive's berth flew right over and crashed in front-than goodness they hadn't moved the TV forward to change the wires out the other day, or it would've been a goner any farther from the wall. "Ergac…"

The limey man picked himself up and shuddered having barely avoided death. Sari shook her head as she flopped over the back of the couch in exhaustion. "I think ONE berth in here," she panted, "is ENOUGH."

Clive looked through the clear path they'd made through the walls. "Do you think the Autobots will notice we…crashed a few things?"

"Well…" she shrugged, "Optimus is pretty observant…and Ratchet…yeah, we're screwed…"

Pen surveyed the destruction… "Wow…I give you guys 8 out of 10, that was awesome~!"

Kahemlion elbowed her in the arm and pressed play on the remote again.

"And put together-the super-electro gizzar-blinkey-The super-electro gizzar-blinkey-the super-electro gizzar-blinkey-the super-electro-"

* * *

><p>Sari glanced over the massive instruction sheet even SHE couldn't read. "Pen, turn off the TV, Bee's giving me a headache!"<p>

The bespectacled brunette popped her head out the huge box she was rummaging around in and pressed pause on the remote, then went right back to digging with Kahmelion, Phantom, and Thing.

Clive looked over the techno-organic's shoulder. "So, how do we put together this thing?"

"Well, Clive, they're there for a reason, you have to LEWK at the instructions~!" She hopped down out of the box.

"But-" Kahemlion struggled a bit, but finally got down. "-we can't read Cybertronian!"

"Don't you know any-tang?" Pen took the booklet. "You don't need to read, I didn't SAY read, you have to LEWK. LEWK at them."

"Ok…" Clive glanced over the page. "I'm looking…"

"Just like my dad when he used to put my Christmas toys together…" Sari reflected. "You'd think he'd be better, being a robotics GENIOUS…but what he used to do was he'd stare at the intructions, then that little vein on his head would start popping out, and that's how I learned about bad words…"

Kahmelion glanced over the page. "Ok….I THINK I can feel my vein sticking out, this is GIBBERISH."

Pen glanced over her shoulder. "Pretty clear to me. Just put your left foot in and take your left foot out." She reached into Thing's head and pulled out a blowtorch. "Let's get to work~!"

* * *

><p>SEVERAL HOURS LATER<p>

"…That doesn't look like the picture…" Pen pointed out. "…at all…let's turn it on~!"

"I don't know." Clive paused. "Maybe we should just let Ratchet do that."

"Aw, come on, we should test it for him~!" Pen flicked the switch. The machine fizzeld to life.

"Well you found me. Was it worth it?"

"Pen, why does that thing look familiar?" Kahemlion grimaced. "As in a popular, very killy video-game character?"

"Well, I had it on the mind, so I may have fudged up some things."

Glados spoke again. "Wow…that is one of the biggest idiots I've ever seen…at least there seem to be no potatoes…"

"Um…cool…" Sari scratched the back of her head. "Yeah, cool…"

"Welcome to the Aperture Science Foundation. This is the part where I kill you. You may have feelings of fear and shock. These are quite normal in test subjects. I'll try to make this painless…just kidding. It's going to hurt a LOT."

Kahmelion turned to her friend…SLOWly. "Pen…what did you do?"

"Hey, don't blame me. I can't read cybertronian."

Clive smacked the girl in the back of the head, nearly causing her to lose her glasses. The machine, hanging down from the ceiling, snatched Thing up from the ground, and undid his drawstrings.

"Hey! WAIT! DON'T, THERE'S-"

"FREEEEEEEDOOOOOM~!" A voice we're really getting tired of hearing sprang forth from the plushie's head. The jet-former was followed out by a red and black figure we really get tired of SEEING. The two swooped down to the floor before the cowering teens.

Glados stared at the strange group. "To keep you tranquil even in the face of certain death, smooth jazz will be deployed in 3…2…1."

"What the H, man!" Pen smacked Phantom on the back of the head. "Why the heck were you guys carrying two psychopaths!"

"Oh, don't be a hypocrit, Pen!" Kahmelion smacked HER in the back of the head. "I told you we should have taken care of those two!"

Clive smacked them BOTH in the head. "WHY didn't any of you TELL us about this!"

Sari glared at all three of them, then glared at Thing sitting up in the robot's clutches. "You mean you not only knew that YOUR enemy AND my enemy were in the plant, and you didn't even SAY anything!"

"It was on my to-do list!" Pen caught Thing as the robot tossed him down like trash and drew a notebook out, forming a sledgehammer. "Let's take care of it NOW, I guess!"

* * *

><p>Optimus finally stepped off the ship. "Alright. We'll certainly keep an optic out for anything. We're keeping on all-alert."<p>

"Blah blah blah blah I'm better than you blah blah"

"I think they heard, Dawg." Jazz piped in, a good signal for his commanding officer to shut the slag up. "Y'all send a shout for me to Pen, a'ight?"

The jet twins raised their hands to wave them off. "Us too, Mr. Optimus Prime sir, please~!"

Optimus nodded. Now it was time for him and his team to get the matrix outta there. "Autobots, transform and roll out."

* * *

><p>Pen hit the wall head-first with a loud SMACK, sliding down on her face. Phantom, Thing, Kahmelion, Sari, and Clive were soon to follow. "Ok, how did we beat them before again?"<p>

"How did WE beat them?" Phantom raised his head from the dirt.

"Maybe it has something to do with the THIRD villain you brought in here?" Kahemlion called accusingly to her friend.

"Ok, let's bounce." Pen grabbed Phantom. "Let's get the spoot outta here, foo's!"

SQUID!

* * *

><p>The group hit the ground running, rounding the street and almost running into the autobots.<p>

"Oh hey guys done with the chores love to chat but gonna get some fresh air and a bite to eat now so bye~!"

The team transformed back into bot mode. Bumblebee stared after the odd little running group. "What's their malfunction?"

"Well," Optimus shook his head as they continued toward the plant. "With their case, I think it's better not to ask.

"Ten cases of High-grade says they wrecked the place." Ratchet grumbled as they enetered the garage door.

"Oh, good. You're back. Let's run some new tests, shall we? Any form of question is merely a common curtosy. You really have no choice."

"Prepare to DIE, autobot SCUM!"

"You have fun with this, I'm going to go follow the girl."

…

And they say they could hear Prime's voice all the way out to cybertron.

"PEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN!"

End chapter 4

* * *

><p>Bumblebee sat on the couch with a large book in front of him. Here's a picture you'll likely never see again: Kahmelion and Clive playing Mario Kart while Bumblebee reading silently on a couch?<p>

Pen strolled in at that moment, more like skipping along as if she were Pinky Pie. "Hallo, meine freunden~!" She jumped over the back of the couch and plopped herself down right next to Bee. "So, watchup?"

"Just playin' some games, mistress." Phantom replied. "what were you doing?"

"I had to fight of those cons. I didn't think the Peanut butter would come in that handy, but the trombone was CRUCIAL near the finishing blow. The Santa hats and king-size matresses turned out not to be so useful, but in the end it was all up to the Toilets~!"

The group looked back and cocked an eyebrow at her.

"Ok…so I DID have to resort to the Einstein hair…but other than that, it was entirely a pony-based attack plan."

Yeah, don't ask. Bumblebee flipped through the tome to the alphabetical "N" section, and paused. "…hello, what's this?"

"What's what? How did you get a hold of my Poofer's Atlas and Adventure Diary?" Pen looked over the bot's shoulder at the photo he was holding. "…You wouldn't dare."

"Oh, but I would." Bee smirked. "Hey everyone, check THIS out~!"

"NOOOOOOEZ!" Pen tackled him(surprising she could tackle something that big) and tried wrestling the article away from him. "I MEANT TO TORCH THAT PICTURE!"

"What is it?" Kahmelion tried to take the photo, but couldn't get close to the squabble. Finally, Bumblebee broke free of the tussle and sped down the hall.

"I'm gonna show everyone~!"

"YOU'D BETTER NOT!" Pen ran as fast as she could after him, which really wasn't that fast at all.

The bot reached Prowl's room, tried to stop but skidding out and crashed into the wall. Pen finally caught up to him this way, and jumped up while he held the photograph just out of reach. "SPOOT HEAD!"

"Slag breath~!" Bee smirked. "Gee, I wonder what Clive and Kahmelion will think. Hey Prowl, you gotta see this!"

The ninja bot was already standing right there, being disturbed from meditation by the crash. "See what?" the others had already paused and abandoned their game and caught up to the two haywire sparks.

"Come on, man! Nobody needs to see it!" The insane girl tried reasoning. The yellow autobot just smirked and held out the picture for them all.

"Well, look-y what I found."

Pen hid her face. It was an old picture, alright. An old picture of her and REALA.

"…What in the HEY-HEY is up with your HAIR?" Clive took the photo. "Is it SUPPOSED to resemble the color of a grape?"

"It was the style back then a few years ago!" Pen blushed. "A lot of people had discolored-haired anime personas!"

"So THAT'S why your eyes are golden instead of brown?"

"Ok, so I was more of a mary-sue too. At least I have a liscence now."

Sari gazed over the couple picture. "You're so…gothic…and that is WAY too much eye makeup."

"The villain thing was just a phaze!" Pen insisted, snatching the photo. " I THOUGHT I destroyed this already."

"Are you and that sociopath actually hugging?" Sari put her hands on her hips and smirked. "Why do you still have that if you hate him so much?"

"I said I THOGHT I DESTROYED it."

Prowl looked over her shoulder. "It's a nice photograph. Not my cup of energon, and certainly not my choice of characters, but definitely not a bad picture."

Pen stomped off down the hallway. "I am BURNING this…"

The others simply laughed their heads off.


	5. Chapter 5

Poof Chronicles 2: The Dorkcepticons

Chapter 5: New Friends, Old Foes, and a WHOLE Lot of Peanut Butter(The Musical)

* * *

><p>Bulkhead dipped his "brush" of a mop into the paint barrel, and carefully applied the strokes onto the canvas. The piece was really coming together. He had the upper part of the canvas covered, while Pen went willy-nilly down below.<p>

"Uh, Pen?" The large green autobot wiped yet another smattering of stray paint from his face. "You mind keeping it on the canvas?"

The teenager wiped her glasses and looked up at him. "Hey, that's the fun thing about painting. Your smock and the dropclothes are art in themselves~!" She set down the large paintbrush and reached for the medium-sized one for some of the details. "But, I WILL refrain from giving you a new paintjob."

The two artists had been toiling on that canvas all week. It was a beautiful collaboration. The rust-colored horizon faded to gold closer to the bottom, and reds swirled and faded in and out of vision. Silver was airbrushed along the edge, framing on the warm colors. A few black splatters made up the corner. Abstract, yes, but "A poem should not mean but be." And all that "palpable and mute as a globed fruit" Ars Poetica jazz.

The two stood back to admire their work.

Pen scratched the back of her head. "…something's missing…"

"What?" Bulkhead cocked his optic ridge at her. "What do you think it is?"

The teenager straighted up her glasses. "It needs a focal point…something that stands out to the eye…"

Bulkhead paused, studying the image. "I see…what do you suggest?"

"I've got it~!" She snapped her fingers, then grabbed the black paint bucket and a large brush. Running up to the piece, she manipulated the paper from her notebook(conveniently placed off to the side) to give her a boost. Dipping her brush in, she swooped it over the canvas, creating a black, dripping swirl towards the upper right corner and trailing down the canvas, but not quite to the bottom. It had the desired effect, and really stood out against the background.

"What do you think, big guy?"

He beamed. "Looks great! I like how it contrasts with the brighter colors, and it brings out the other red swirled effects."

"We make a great team, maboyo~!" Pen held out her fist for a fistbump.

Bulkhead returned the gesture, carefully as to not break her hand.

"Come on, dude~!" Pen held her arms out. "Hug time, mah brotha~!"

"Won't that crush you?"

"…oh yeah…."

* * *

><p>"Hey, old fart~!" The two re-entered the living room, and Pen took up her usual habit of annoying the crap out of Ratchet.<p>

"I TOLD you to stop CALLING me that!" The grumpy old medic-bot snapped in reply.

"Good evening to you too, old fart~!" The teenager and her oversize companion rounded the corner to where Kahemlion was whupping Clive's butt in video games. Bumblebee was already sulking in the corner from HIS defeat. Sari just watched and laughed her head off.

The dark-haired girl looked up from the screen. "Oh, hey Pen. You out for your date with 'Captain Hook?'" She smirked. She waited for the retaliation, but it didn't come. Pen just stared at her, dumbfounded, and cocked her head to the side like a dog.

"Say WHUT?"

"You know. Mr. Big scary-bounty-hunter crap-face."

"…not following…"

"Lockdown? That guy after your junk trunk?"

"Lockdown! Giiiiiiiiirl, what da fudge you talkin' 'bout?"

"Last chapter! We turned into robots and everything and it was revealed the only reason Ratchet was so angry with you was because he cared and didn't want you to get hurt and you and Bulhead were able to hug without you getting crushed and there was this thing with a bounty hunter that looked like a Frankenstein doll and Megatron almost blew up his own frequency to keep you from prank calling which you did for revenge and…Do you SERIOUSLY not have the SLIGHTEST idea what I'm talking about? It all happened like TWO DAYS AGO!"

Pen stared at her, and waited for it to click in her head. "…Nope, not the foggiest~!"

Kahemlion facepalmed. Phantom hopped up next to her and motioned for her to come closer, then whispered in her ear. "Mistress decided not to write that episode because it was so stupid and overly-dramatic and even too mary-sue-ish for even her."

"…so it never happened?"

"None of it."

"…thank…friggin…GAWD…"

Pen looked around in Thing's head for whatever the heck she needed at the moment. "You sure you have all the fliers and that roll of packing tape?"

The minion re-did his drawstrings. "One hundred and ten percent."

"Hey, Bulkhead~! Let's GO~!"

"What's up?" The big green guy walked over, a huge oil drum in hand.

"We've gotta put up all those 'missing' posters for Wasabi Ed, and then we have to put up the 'wanted' posters for Reala."

"Who and WHO now?"

Kahmelion got off the couch after finally crushing Clive in complete and utter defeat. "Yeah, we haven't seen EITHER of them in a WHILE now. I mean, we haven't SEEN or HEARD Wasabi Ed because we haven't had a musical number that required more than a guitar since chapter 2…and we got a TINEY bit of info alluding to Reala in chapter 3."

"Kahmelion~!" Pen's eyes got all huge and sparkly. "You DO give two craps~!"

"…Don't expect much more."

"Anyway, Bulkhead, can you be our ride?"

"Can't Phantom just warp you everywhere?"

"He can only go to places he's seen before." Pen picked up the little rabbit-lookin' thing. "And he hasn't seen ALL of future Detroit. We need someone who knows the lay of the land to take us everywhere that people might frequent. We've got my…dog?...cat…rabbit…lazer-farting…THING?…-to find and a super psycho-maniac with some sort of gothic glitter power to smoke out. Let's roll." The brunette took off her glasses and donned some ray-bans. "I'll be back." And then headed out the door, walking right into the doorframe.

"…I'm ok…"

Bulkhead gave her a hand up. "Maybe you should just make the references later."

"I can't see a thing~!"

* * *

><p>LATER THAT EVENING<p>

"Ok, so we had Fanzone put out and APB after filing the missing wierdos report for both of them." Kahmleion flipped through the book she was reading. What now?"

"I'm headed to ninja training."

"I'm sleeping for crap's sake…"

"I wonder what we're gonna do tomorrow…"

* * *

><p>THE NEXT MORNING<p>

"Hey, Kahmelion~! I know what we're gonna do today!"

"Hey, where the HECK is Perry?" Kahmelion slowly opened her eyes, so miffed at being woken up that she made the reference.

The brunette jumped out of her sleeping bag. "Movies from out time are like classics or something in THIS time, right?"

"Depends, I guess. Can I go back to sleep now?"

"So we have a bunch of rare and awesome movies in Thing's hammer-space head right now that many of Sari and crew haven't seen and would probably LOVE to see…"

"Of course not. WHY let me sleep a bit? I don't need 'sleep.'...uh, I mean, Yeah, guess so. Depends on the movie."

"So, you thinkin' what I'm thinkin'?"

Sari got up and stood over by them, the minions flung from Pen's sleeping bag also waking and catching on. "Movie night~!"

Pen opened Thing's head. "We gonna PAAAAAAARTYYYYYYYYY~!" She sang as she got the essentials out of the hammer space. "Got some chips, got some dip~!"

Phantom got the drinks. "Some call her cheap, bit of a freeloader, but she brought cups and some old-school soda~!"

"I don't mean to brag, I don't mean to boast," his mistress continued, "But I've got home-made hummus for these mini-toasts~!"

"Huuuuu-mus~!"

"Hummus~!"

The two joined together. "HUUUUUUU-MUUUUUUUUUUUUUUS~!"

"Why are you two yelling 'hummus!'" Ratchet, woken by the weirdo and one of her minions, lumbered into the room.

"Because I think this is our musical chapter~!" Pen jumped up, emanating pure happiness and rainbow barf. "Also, can we have a movie night?"

"No."

"Then it's settled~!" Pen got her minions together. "Guys, get your butts dressed and help me get stuff ready~!"

* * *

><p>Well, they had to go about their normal day before that. Pen also had the missing wierdos matter to attend to. She munched her cereal and mulled over her thoughts while Bulkhead walked in.<p>

"Mornin', Pen. You're having a movie night tonight?"

"Hm? Oh, yeah~!" She snapped back to attention. "We gotta do a few other things today, too, though. First I have to go and check if we have any messages from people who may have seen Wasabi Ed or Reala, and then there's ninja training with Prowl. After that, I need to head over to Shovel-Chin Prime's ship and invite Jazz and the twins over."

"You need a ride?"

"Nah, Phantom's seen the inside of the ship before. Thanks anyway, man." As she pulled out her laptop to check her email on the matter at hand, Prowl entered the room.

"PEN! KAHMELION!"

The two teens snapped their heads in his direction.

Kahmelion banged her head on the table. "WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE SO LOUD!"

"I think I found one of your friends." He said irritably, holding up something familiar and green up by its tail.

"WASABI ED~!" Pen rushed forward, leaped, and glomped the little creature right out of the ninja-bot's grasp.

"He ate one of the birds…"

The teenager continued going on and on, barely noticing what the mech was saying.

He sighed, and simply dragged her and Clive(who was still in shock on the couch from his loss) to their ninja training.

Something was up…he paused. "Where is that music coming from?" Then he looked back at the creature Pen was holding, mouth open and tail cranking like an old-fashioned grammaphone. "What's up with him?"

Clive facepalmed. "I think you're about to experience yet another musical number."

Prowl looked at the two again. "…brilliant."

* * *

><p>Pen, dressed in all-black, ran the obstacle course. "OH EM GEE~!(Clive[halfheartedly]: gee!)<p>

You can't see me~! (me!)

I'm blendin' in just like a pine tree~!"

Clive paused before he continued his line and the course designed by 'sensei Prowl.' "…Tree!"

"I am unseen~!" Pen continued oblivious and blissfully. (seen!)

You can't see me 'cuz I'm a ninja!

Nin

Ninja~!

Ninja

Nin Ninja~!

Come on, sensei~!" Pen waved to her teacher. "Breakdance for the fangirls~! RAP TIME~!

Hey, can't see me~!

Am I a bird, or am I a tree?

High Flying, flow-flying in the air~!(air)

I'm a ninja don't stare~!(stare)

Fast as the witches blare~!"

"Pen, where did you get that broom?" Clive cocked an eyebrow. "Uh, I mean, blare?"

"Here I go, there I go, this is my song~!

Being ninja you gotta be strong~!

Got a teacher from Cybertron

His friends are automobiles, dum-dums~!

Learnin' how to use chopsticks~!

Makin' loud noises whenever we hit-HYAH!

Livin' on scenes so fast, so quitck!

I betcha wish you had all my ninja tricks.

OH EM GEE~! Be a ninja like me, just watch me now and you will see~!"

Phantom and Thing tag-team Jackie Chan/Bruce Lee'd their way through the obstacles while they sang in the chorus. "OH EM GEE(gee)

You can't see me~! (me)

I'm blendin' In just like a pine tree~!(tree?)

I am unseen! (seen)

You can't see me cuz I'm a ninja~!

Nin

Ninja

Ninja

Nin

Ninja~!"

Pen yanked Kahmelion up from her content position reading by the sidelines. "Hey, man, what the heck are ya-"

"This is YOUR time to shine~!

HEY we're dressed in black,

Just like emos except for the fact

We don't stab ourselves we stab your back

It's just the way to sneak attack~!

We see you coming 'cuz we have wall hacks.

Don't come near us or we'll give you a slap~!

Don't send anybody 'cuz we set up a trap~!

Here comes the slow motion-"

"C-C-C-CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAP-" She tried tackling Prowl in a cool slo-mo cut, but he easily dodged. Guess he's used to dealing with his FANGIRLS doing that.

She hopped back onto her feet. "Run like me, hide like me~!

Don't forget your fatalaty~!

Dance like a ninja in the club

-Even though you look just like a scrub-

read this fic, learn something rare(rare)

this move looks like a square(square)

just through your hands in the air (air)

Follow me do the ninja glare~!"

And the minions joined in again. "OH EM GEE(gee)

You can't see me (me)

I'm blendin' in just like a pine tree (tree)

I am unseen (seen)

You can't see me 'cuz I'm a ninja, nin, ninja~!

Ninja, nin, ninja~!"

And the music faded as Wasabi Ed ran and caught another bird, near choking on the feathers.

Prowl just glared himself, but it was a different kind of glare. He finally sighed. "Have you learned nothing?"

"Actually," Pen pushed up her glasses. "I've learned a lot. I just need humor and a good musical now and then."

…"WHY!"

"Because I'm weird. Besides, I figured if we're looking for Reala, it'd be the best planning strategy. Nobody ever dies in one of these comedy musicals~!"

The ninja mech paused. "…why don't you and your friends go out and do that? I have to meditate on the ever-strange mindsets of my students.."

"Alright~! If you need to, just hack my computer. Our last adventure should give you some insight." And so team PaperWyngz left him dumbfounded and staring at a macbook.

* * *

><p>Now it was time to visit the sick bay. Not because someone was ill. Because they were about to make someone ill.<p>

"Well, looks like that's ONE thing checked off our list." Kahmelion carried Wasabi Ed while she walked alongside Clive behind Pen and the minion's skipping merriment. "That and we all got kicked outta Mr. Emo's quarters and general perimeter."

"Surely he's harmless." Clive took the makeshift muzzle off of the creature. It opened it's mouth full of crooked teeth and let out a breath that smelled of a smelly smell of something that smelled. "…aaaaaand the rubber band goes back on…"

Ratchet toiled over the pile of scrap on his workbench, trying hard to make it seem like he didn't notice the insane, goofy teenager sitting across from him.

"Old Fart, I assure you she's the only one who's crazy." Kahmelion shut her mouth, shocked at the tune that had come out. She looked down at Wasabi Ed, who'd begun the music again. How did he get the rubber band off!

The medic bot facepalmed. "Are you still singing?" He had a surprisingly good voice for an old fart.

"Singing like a bird." Clive sighed.

"Hey old fart~!" Pen stood up on the work table, eyes all aglow, "It looks like we're doing this one together~!

Musical buddies~!"

Ratchet glared. "Still, decepticons aren't NEARLY as bad as her…" He turned to the girl. "Do you know how much you annoy me?"

Pen raised a hand and began to open her mouth, but he cut her off. "The answer is A LOT.

Should I list the reasons why?

Well I don't see why not." Wasabi Ed picked up the tempo while Kahmelion played the piano newly dispensed from Thing's head.

"It's your hair, huge nose, and goofy face, you always need a hug!

Not to mention all the endless Strawberry-banana SOBEs that you chug!

Why you treat me like your grandpa or something always confuses me,

And OH PRIMUS stop telling me about your nerdy fantasies!"

"Well," Pen pushed up her glasses. "I look up to you, man, you're cool for an old fart. And that was ONE time when you were eavesdropping while I was writing in my diary!"

Ratchet facepalmed at her always pushing of the blame off of herself. "See, protoform, that's the very thing you do that drives me up a tree!

No matter how much that I rant at you, you never let me be!

So now I'm stuck with all your daydreaming and crazy minion ones-

And it makes me SUICIDAL- and I'm not the only one-no I'm not the only one…"

Fanzone, how did you get here! "It started with collapsing buildings, the new fifty floors.

I felt a hatred as I'd never had for kids before.

So now I'll make her pay, each and every day.

'till her and her destructive friends are…no….more~!"

The spotlight clicked back to the worktable as the mech continued. "And now that is why I call you names like 'Starscream the second' and 'Conny-Sue'.

Don't forget 'insane little twerp' and also 'cain-raiser' and 'weirdo' too.

See, regardless of the names I pick, my feelings are quite clear-

You're a pain in every 'day' of every 'month' of every 'year.'"

Kahmelion used her own paper abilities to get up to the table and attempt to calm him the slag down. "Dr. Ratchet, I can see that you really are distressed, but there must be another option than to put her through another brainwave test."

"If you want to lower my spark pressure really, or save my vocal chords just relieve me of this Primus-forsaken pest!"

Pen got down from the table. "I guess I understand now that what old-fart's saying is-"

Kahmleion clamped a hand over her mouth. "Shut your CAKE HOLE Starscream the second, or I swear to GOD I'll shut it soon-"

Pen, eyes wide, gave a weak thumbs-up.

Ratchet sighed in relief and shook her hand. "Thanks, now please get out so I can finally have a quiet afternoon."

* * *

><p>Team PaperWyngz stepped out of the Plant. Phantom got the list out of Thing's head. "Alright, Mistress. We're going to invite the three J's, and then-since we already have snacks for us- we need to pick up some oil or something for the autobots…anything else we need?"<p>

"We already have all the DVDs." Kahmelion sipped some Dr. Pepper. "I say we need more junk food."

"Dully noted~!" Pen looked down the street. "We'll do all that shopping crap later after we pick up the guys. That way we won't have to carry anything~!"

"Hooray for giant robot pack-mules~!" Kahmelion got a book out of Thing's head.

Clive cocked an eyebrow. "Shouldn't you also be checking in on your Reala hunt?"

Pen just brushed it off. "We can deal with that later. If someone sees him, we'll check it out and kick his butt. That's how we found Wasabi Ed." She shrugged and got out a Moon Pie. "Ok, poof to the ship, get the guys, buy the stuff we need, get back to the plant and set up." She turned around

And ran straight into a colossal orange and smelly and very familiar Robot who hasn't gotten enough limelight in this fic. She shook her head to clear it. "…Ba-weep graanaaaah weep ni-ni bong~!"

"The universal greeting~! You ARE friendly~!" Wreck-Gar picked up the girl and brought her to eye-level. "I haven't see you since chapter 2~!"

"Me neither, dude~! You're just in time, too! It's the MUSICAL chapter."

"OOOOOooooooh…."

Kahmleion facepalmed. "Pen, WHAT did I tell you about breaking the fourth wall? It confuses Clive here." She jabbed her thumb at the cock-eyed British guy standing next to her carrying the insane green thing.

"Alright~! Pen rolled her eyes. "Let's poof to the ship. Wreck-Gar! Grab my minions~!"

ADVENTU-I mean, SQUID~!

* * *

><p>They arrived outside of the ship and made Wreck-Gar wait outside with Wasabi Ed. Three organic life-forms would be enough to make Sentinel scream and jump up on the chair clutching his skirt like a little squeamish girly-girl. AND Pen's totally insane, and ONE insane brain is enough to weird them all out. 4 organics(two being batcrap crazy), a garbage robot(also being batcrap) and two living plushies would kill him.<p>

Pen walked up to the door. Fortunately she'd talked Jazz into leaving the anti-organic shield down(and somehow keep it from Sentinel) so she didn't have to run repeatedly into an invisible wall until the security cameras picked it up. She would have, too. She banged a few times on the door.

"…They coming or what?" Kahmelion scratched her nose.

Pen tried again. "I called them earlier. It's not like they're not home."

"Knock again." Clive suggested.

"I just knocked!"

The garage-type door slowly rose. It revealed Jazz, making his way groggily towards them as if he'd just woken up from recharge. "MAAAaaan. Girl, didn't think you'd get here so EARLY."

"It's noon." Kahemlion stared at him. "She's already done with morning ninja training. If I remember when I eavesdropped on your conversation correctly, she said she'd be coming by right after that."

"A'ight, a'ight. Y'all come on in. I'll get 'Fire and 'Storm ready. Just sit in the bay, ya dig?"

"Groovy, man." Pen led her friends in after the mech, and the three of them sat down in the bay, waiting for the other three to get there.

Suddenly, a siren started blaring.

"WHAT THE BLOODY-!" Clive jumped, Khamleion just looked miffed as he knocked the book from her hands. "What's that!"

Pen scratched her head. "Jazz probably just forgot to leave the INNER anti-organic security off. Oh well" she shrugged.

Giant metal footsteps came rapidly, and got louder with every second. Soon, a giant blue chin busted down the door next to them. "FREEZE, ORGANIC SCUM!" He had his stupid-looking visor on and his lance and shield out at the ready. THEN the big tough guy looked down.

"EEYAUGH!" He jumped like a scared little kitten. "Ok, take it easy. No need to spit acid from your optics…just…get off the ship, and we'll all be just peachy…"

All three of them just cocked their heads to the side and gave a collective "Say WHUT now?"

Sentinel backed up and brandished his lance. "Ok, I don't wanna get this thing dirty, so just get out now before I have to use force!"

Pen sighed. "Yeah, right. Dude, that huge hippo-hindquarters you have attached to your FACE would be a much better weapon. Seriously, you look like the Tick from that cartoon of the same name."

Jazz and the twins ran up behind where the door used to be behind Sentinel.

"Yo, Sentinel, dawg, it's cool! We know these dudettes. It's all good."

"Oh, good, so YOU can explain why there's organic SCUM on my ship!"

Jetfire stepped forward. "Permission to speak, Sentinel Prime sir. Me and my brother are to be knowing these femmes. They are not being scum and in fact can to be acting very cool indeed, sir."

"You can remain silent, protoform!"

Jazz put a hand on his shoulder. "Look, dawg, these girls just invited us to Optimus's base to catch some creature features, ya dig?"

"I have NO idea what you're saying, man! Just get these pukes off of my ship!"

SQUID! And turning around, the OTHER Prime saw the organic female ON. His. Shoulder…he nearly leaked himself.

"Look, man." Pen scratched the back of her head. "I don't know who you think you are, and I frankly don't care. Also, I don't care what you seem to think about me. I'm 'bout to tell you something that Transformers fans have wanted to tell you for AGES now. Wasabi Ed, music, please."

"Wait, but he's outsi-" She turned to see the familiar creature once again playing music from it's open maw. "HOW THE HECK DOES HE DO THAT!"

Pen continued, using her paper abilities to keep her standing in the air.

"Gosh it really irks me to see you, Sentinel

with that separate zip-code on your face.

Everyone cringes when you speak, Sentinel

You make femmes want to carry mace.

There's no mech on the internet as despised as you

You're nobody's favorite guy.

Everyone's awed at how moronic you are

And it's not very hard to see why~!"

Kahmelion sighed. This was gonna take a while. Better just get some DR. Pepper, some popcorn, and watch.

"Noooooooooooo-

OOOOOOOONe-

Likes you Sentinel,

They think you bite, Sentinel.

No one's chin's as incredibly ginormous as Sentinel's~!

And there's no one as full of himself-

You must think your some kinda paragon~!

You can ask Jazz, Jetfire, or Jetstorm,

And they can give you a list of all the teams they'd prefer to be on~!"

The twins caught on, and each of them took a hold of one of Pen's hands(careful not to crush it) and swung her back and forth.

"NOOOOOOO-

OOOONE-

Gripes like Sentinel

Or epic fails at battle like Sentinel~!

Did we mention the colossal thing of the face of Setninel?"

"Hey! I'm an academy Prime, tenacious, tough, and intimidating!"

"Big whoope-ding-dong, we laugh in your face~!"

Pen continued on for a solo: "Sentinel is the drek of the drek of all the dreks~!"

The Prime paused. Not understanding in the slightest what the slag was going on but still realizing he was being insulted.

"NOOOOO-

OOOOONE-

Gripes like Sentinel or really bites like Sentinel

No one's ever been so bad in a fight like Sentinel!"

Sentinel stood over them, getting miffed and flustered. "When I was a protoform, I went to academy and trained there until I got large.

And now that I'm a mech I teach OTHER bots at boot camp-"

"And my chin is the size of a

~!"Pen cut in, earning countless snickers from the rest of the assembly.

"NOOOOO

OOOOOONE

Shoots first like Sentinel

Or causes disputes like Sentinel

Then goes tromping around in his huge metal boots like Setninel!"

"But I'm incredibly highly war-decorated-"

"WHO THE SLAG CARES~!

Sentinel~!"

* * *

><p>The group landed right on their bums outside. It seemed team PaperWyngz was being kicked out of a lot of places today. The three mechs followed out soon. THEY certainly weren't gonna be in there with Sentinel when he was butt-hurt.<p>

"…a'ight, girl. Whadda we do now?" Jazz turned to the teenager.

"Well-" she got the list from Thing's head, "we found Wasabi Ed, we're still looking for Reala, but that can wait. To get ready for movie night, we already got everyone invited, now we just need to get more junk food for the organics and some oil or something or whatever the heck you guys eat as snacks for the cybertronians.

"Okie for the dokie~!" Jetfire got ready to transform. "Brother, let us be helping friend Pen and friend Pen's friends to be getting ready for this 'movie night.'"

"Yes very much, brother~!"

"A'ight, let's get go-"

KABOOOOOOOM!

…

The smoke cleared as the last of the rubble fell. Pen got up, coughing, and looked over the edge of a massive crater in the middle of the road. At the center, a figure, fist to the ground he had just shattered, dressed in red and black, and a creepy smile on his face. His cold, ice-blue eyes locked onto hers, and his eerie grin widened.

"Hello, my dear." They'd just found the OTHER weirdo they were looking for. Pen slowly manipulated her paper from Thing's head into a sledgehammer behind her back, and got ready as Reala flew right at her, grabbing her by the friggin' FACE and flinging her past her comrades and into the wall of the building ten blocks away.

* * *

><p>Pen picked herself up from the wreckage and ran through the double-doors and down the five blocks. Yep, adrenaline is some pretty jacked-up stuff, man. Trailing her hammer behind her and building momentum, then swinging it over her head she brought it crashing down on his face-or so she'd planned. Reala simply stopped the anvil with his hand, took a firm grip, and flung her back at top speeds.<p>

Wreck-Gar reached and caught her before she hit the same building. "And he is OUTTA THERE~!" Where he found a giant baseball mitt, we'll never know.

"Thanks, mi hombre." She hopped down, and nearly collapsed to the ground. "…Somebody call Ratchet?"

Phantom and Thing rushed to her side. They knelt next to her, worried out of their minds. "Oh GOD O GOD!" Phantom poofed and brought back a plushie squid. For those of you who haven't ready Poof Chronicles 1, we introduce Cuddlemari.

He looked over the damage. "Alright, most of your bones are broken, and you have freely-bleeding cuts and scrapes. What the heck did you do this time, mistress?"

"I got thrown into a building and went through a wall." Pen replied with a COMPLETELY straight face.

After a few tentacle swipes she was all fixed up. "Don't call me again unless it's an emergency."

"What do you call THAT if it's not an emergency, dawg!" Jazz was taken aback by his nonchalant air.

"If you've known my mistress for as long as I have, you'd have seen WAY worse." And Phantom poofed him away.

The twins stood in front of their friend and doubled up into Safeguard mode. "You are 'big stupid head' friend Pen has told us about! Leave now or ve vill NOT hesitate to be pummeling you to dust!"

Jazz stood by them. "You dawg, you come in here bustin' up on a groovy girl like that, we gonna throw down!"

Wreck-Gar joined in: "Serious friendship-related speach~!"

Kahmelion and Clive sat on the sidewalk and made bets on who would get their tailpipes kicked first while they ate some popcorn and drank sodas.

"No friggin' way, guys." Pen re-formed her hammer. "This is MY psychotic evil ex boyfriend, so this is MY fight. A mary-sue's gotta take care of her OWN problems."

"GO, MISTRESS!" Phantom and Thing called from the sidewalk. The minions turned to face their other human friends. "So, you guys need anything else? 3d glasses? Skittles?"

"Nah, we're good." Kahmleion sipped her DR. Pepper. "Now quiet, we're gonna miss the fight!"

Jazz and Safeguard also sat themselves down.

"Sooooo….she is really being ok with this fighting of her evil ex-boyfriend?" The twins undoubled.

Jazz got himself an oil can. "Man, I was hopin' this wouldn't become a Scott Pilgrim rip-off too. Girl's groovy, she just takes too many other cats' ideas."

Pen stood her ground, in a ready stance. "Well, what the heck are you waiting for!"

"Hm? OH!" Reala laughed. "I was waiting to see if you really WERE going to do this without backup! You sure you can take me? I just threw you TWICE."

"I KNOW I can, man! You may be ten thousand times stronger, ten thousand times faster, and a heck of a lot smarter, but you're still a creep who leaves a trail of red and black GLITTER wherever he goes…"

"IT'S TWINKLE DUST!"

"Even the NAME of the stuff is a bit…nyeeeeeh…" she scratched the back of her head.

"IT MAKES ME ABLE TO PARALOOP THINGS INTO OBLIVION! It IS manly!" He snapped, and rushed at her. This time she was ready and hit him like an oncoming baseball.

As he crashed into another building, he laughed. Getting up slowly, he looked at her with his icy eyes and creepy grin. You know something Pen, we don't have to do all this. Why can't you just come back to nightmare and we can be like we were before?"

"NO…effing…WAY…"

The nightmaren sighed. "You know, it's not-

Easy having youself a good time…"

"Wasabi Ed!" Pen picked up and snuggled the little green thing. "You're back…wait…oh spoot, he is NOT gonna sing!"

He simply floated in front of her and continued. "Buttering up those deviantart betters, and watching out they don't four-letter.

Just wanna hug and kiss you both at the same time.

Smells like something I've forgotten.

Curled up, died, and now it's rotten.

I'm not a nightmaren prince tonight.

Don't wanna be the bad guy.

I'm just a loner, baby.

But you put your big head in the way."

Kahmelion was even MORE bored out of her mind. She wanted to see her friend rip this clown apart. Not that creep singing.

"I can't decide whether you should live or die.

Oh, you'll probably go to heaven-please don't hang your head and cry.

No wonder why my heart feels dead inside.

It's cold and hard and petrified."

Pen leaned against her hammer like she was just waiting for him to be done. "I'm lockin' my doors and shuttin' the blinds, ain't goin' with him for NO ride."

"TERRIBLE GRAMMER!" Clive the friggin' grammar Gestapo called from a mouthful of popcorn.

Reala continued his song like the primadonna he was. "It's just

CRAP convincing people to like you."

"Can't argue with that." Pen called from the ground.

"If I stop now, call me a quitter-"

"If lies were cats, you'd be a LITTER." She interrupted again. "Pleasing everyone isn't like you.

I'm the one dancing jigs until she's crippled.

I'm gonna get you a drink, but I hope you get pickled."

Ok, NOW he was miffed. "I've gotta hand it to you.

You've played by all the same rules.

It takes the truth to fool me,

And now you've made me angry.

I can't decide, whether you should live or die.

Oh, you'll probably go to heaven, please don't hang your head and cry.

No wonder why my heart is dead inside, cold and hard and petrified.

Lock your door and close your blinds, I'm gonna take you for a ride.

Oh I could throw you in the lake, or feed you poisoned birthday cake.

But I don't deny, I'd miss you too much when you were gone…

I could bury you alive, but you might crawl out with a knife

And get me while I'm sleeping(unlikely given your anti-kill disposition)

But still, that's why-

I can't decide whether you should live or die

Oh, you'll probably go to heaven, please don't hang your head and cry.

No wonder why my heart is dead inside

It's cold and hard and petrified."

"I'm lockin' my doors and closing my blinds, so I don't have to see the tunnel light…"

"ARE YOU HAPPY TO BE PUNCHING HIM ALL THE READY!" Jetfire called out from the sidelines. Jetstorm placed a hand on his brother's shoulder and leaned forward. "I am not knowing, brother. I am thinking maybe I am to be liking this. Looks interesting."

"SO BORED!" Kahmelion slammed her head into the sidewalk. "Wait…what's she doing now?"

Wasabi Ed switched tracks. Pen rushed while Reala was still being a diva during the instrumental part and knocked him out of the sky, pinning him to the ground. "Ok, let me tell YOU something! THING! PHANTOM! LICHT, BITTE!"

The music started. Clive cocked an eyebrow. "How is she doing that spotlight thing? We're outside during a sunny day."

"At first I was afraid, I was petrified.

Kept thinkin' I could never live without you by my side.

But then I spent so many nights thinkin' how you treated me wrong, and I grew strong.

Yeah, I learned how to get along-

So NOW you're back

From outer space.

I just walked in to find you here with that sad look upon your face!

I should've changed that stupid lock, I shoulda made you leave your key,

If I'da known for just one second you'd be back to bother me!

Go on, now, GO!"

"HECK now." The nightmaren insisted.

"Walk out the door!"

"There's no DOOR out here!"

"Just turn AROUND, now!" She smacked him in the face when he got up. "'cuz you're not welcome anymore!

Weren't you the one who tried to break me at goodbye,

Ya think I'll crumble?

Ya think I'll lay down and die?

Oh no not I!

I will survive!

As long as I know how to love, I know I'll stay alive.

I got all my life to live, I got all my love to give,

And I'll survive~!

Hey-HEEEEEEY!" She barely dodged an energy blast. It grazed her face by inches as she leaped out of the way matrix-style and crashed into the building behind her.

"What the SPOOT, man!"

"You say you're gonna survive, dear? Survive THIS!" And then he rushed her. He attempted a paraloop but she slipped out of the ring at the last minute and attempted to give him a harsh blow to the head with her sledgehammer, but he blocked it against his gauntlets and kicked her in the gut. Doubled over like that, she was open to another energy blast attack, but as he was about to strike she shot out between his legs behind him and straightened up then elbowed him HARD in the back. When HE was doubled over and his butt sticking out, she took advantage of that opening and swung her hammer, hitting him RIGHT in his sparkly little rear and sending him spinning out until he ran out of momentum and hit the ground, causing a HUGE skid mark. And then-wait, she STILL isn't done singing?

"It took all the strength I had, but I never fell apart.

Didn't have any pieces to mend when it's not a broken heart.

I never spend any precious time feelin' sorry for myself.

I'll never cry.

I'll always hold my head up high!

Now you see me, somebody new.

I'm not that ridiculous little fangirl still in love with you."

He slowly got up, coughing, and spit his tooth out. "Well, you ARE still pretty ridiculous…"

"You just keep on droppin' in and expectin' me to be free,

but I'm gonna save my REAL love for someone who really loves me.

Go on now GO!

Walk out the door!" She struck again with a fist to the chest, and then walked away. He tried to rush her again from behind, but she blocked him by sticking up her fist over her shoulder to his face, not even looking at him or turning around.

"Just turn around now,

'cuz you're not welcome anymore.

Weren't you the one who tried to break me at goodbye? You think I'd crumble?

You think I'd lay down and die,

Oh NO not I!

I WILL survive!

As long as I know how to love, I know I'll stay alive.

I've got all my life to live, and I've got all my love to give, and I'll SURVIVE!

Yeah I'll SURVIVE!" And so she swung back and hit him in the face with her hammer sending him flinging into the stratospher."Blasting off again"

The bots(and humans and minions) on the sidewalk clapped and rushed to pat her on the back and other celebratory dude things….well, except for Kahmleion. She was so bored she fell asleep.

"Pen! You have been happy to be being kicking his sorry bumper into deep space!" Jetfire picked her up and tossed her, Jetfire catching her.

"He is even bigger weakling that you originally had been telling us!" He let her ride on his shoulder. "We are to be getting drinks for the celebrating?"

Jazz stepped up. "Prowl's been teachin' you, huh? He told me you were an ok student, but SLAAAAAAAAAAG, giiiiirl. Come on, let's pick up the rest of the stuff for the movie night. I'm buyin', dawgs."

"Sweet." Kahmelion sipped some Dr. Pepper. "Freeloading from autobots. Clive, mooching fistbump?"

"I'll pass, thank you." He straightened his tie. "Let's just get to the stores."

"Party pooper." Thing and Phantom retorted in unison.

* * *

><p>Well, they'd finished getting everything they needed. No one had to carry anything, considering Thing's convenient hammer space.<p>

They were almost to the plant and it was well into the afternoon. Two twins flew overhead while Kahmelion and Clive rode in Jazz's police car form and Pen, Phantom, and Thing trucked along inside Wreck-Gar.

Pen rolled down the window and leaned out as far as she could without falling. "HEY! JAZZ!"

"GIRL, WATCHU DOIN'! You wanna fall out and mess yourself up!"

She ignored that bit. "ROLL DOWN YOUR WINDOW!"

He simply did as she asked, and as soon as she did Kahmelion poked her head out. "WHAT THE SHIZNIT!"

Pen called back "I THINK THE GUYS AT THE PLANT MAY BE MAD AT ME!"

"YEAH! SO WHAT!"

"IT'S WEIRD. CLIVE GOT USED TO IT IN A LITTLE WHILE, AND HIS WORLD DOESN'T EVEN HAVE MUCH CRAZY CRAP, BUT THIS WORLD HAS TONS OF WIERDNESS OUT THE WAZOO AND THEY STILL TREAT ME LIKE A FREAK. ALSO AN INCREDIBLY ANNOYING LITTLE TURD."

"PEN, YOU _ARE_ ANNOYING!"

"I KNOW! YOU THINK THEY WOULDN'T TAKE SO LONG TO FIGURE IT OUT!"

"I DON'T KNOW WHAT WE'RE YELLING ABOUT~!" Wreck-Gar swerved around on the turn, causing Pen to actually fall out and fly backwards, landing on Jazz's windshield.

"Howdy partner~!" She scratched the back of her head. "I'm just gonna ride on the hood, 'k?"

* * *

><p>When they finally got to the plant, everyone skidded to a halt and transformed. Except for Wreck-Gar. His breaks malfunctioned and he crashed thorugh the wall. When he transformed, he and Pen and the minions(who'd somehow gotten back in along the way, probably due to Phantom's poofing abilities) laughed their heads off.<p>

"Dude, we gotta do that AGAIN!" Pen hopped down. "GUYS~! We're BACK~!" She sang.

Bulkhead lumbered into the room. "Pen~! I was wondering when you'd get back! I tried your cell, but you left it here." He held up a mashed piece of scrap metal.

The group stared at him.

"I…uh…didn't see it, and I accidentally…sorta…stepped…on it…I'm sorry!"

"Ah, don't worry about it, Bulkhead. I can always get a new one cheap from Swindle."

"Are you sure you're not mad?"

"Nah, man. No harm, no foul." She hugged him as best she could with the size difference. "So~! Help me get ready for movie night? We've still gotta set up the screen and projector, figure out the lineup, and lay out all the snackage."

"Alright. Hey, PROWL! THEY'RE BACK!"

A crash was heard from somewhere far-off. Someone shouldn't have been meditating upside-down again. The ninja bot appeared shortly thereafter.

"Yes, what is i-JAZZ!"

"Prowl! Man, dawg, how's it hangin'?"

Prowl turned to his student Pen. "Why didn't you tell me he was coming?"

"Well, I told Bulkhead, but I wanted to surprise you guys. Especially Ratchet and Optimus. They can't necessarily say 'no' to me having friends over if they're already HERE." She shrugged.

The ninja bots got to socializing. Jazz put his arm around his friend and grinned audio sensor to audio sensor. "SLAAAAAAAAG, man, you sho' taught that girl! Girl be AMAZIN' out on the field."

Pen blushed. "Aw, shucks…"

"Well…thank you. It took ages trying to structure her. You should have seen her fight berserker-style." Prowl and Jazz left to catch up, and so the teens were left to set up movie night.

Pen dove head-first into Thing's drawstring head, down to her waist. "Alright, let's see…DVD player…check. Projector…check. Giant white bedsheet…check. Stuff to hang up the bedsheet on the wall…check. Snacks…checka-lecka-ding-dong~!" She emerged once again. "So, Bulkhead- can you set up the tech? I'll get the DVDs ready if Kahmelion and Clive help me, and um…Phantom, get the snacks ready?"

"I've got it covered~!" The giant green robot replied.

The little gothic rabbit-lookin' thing saluted. "Affirmative~!"

Kahmelion sat down on the couch. "You have fun. I'm gonna read while you do that."

"Clive?" Pen turned to older member of her team.

"Yeah, I'm kinda beat from watching you fight. Whatevs." He replied, and plopped right down on the couch next to Kahmelion.

"Dude, laziness fistbump." And so they did.

Ratchet chose that very moment to enter with Optimus. "You haywire sparkplugs! What the heck are you doin'!"

The simply ignored the fact he was even there.

Jetfire and Jetstorm were busy looking over Pen's shoulders to see what kind of movies she had.

"And THIS one is a REAL horror classic. It has GUTS in it~!" The brunette pushed up her glasses and held up a copy of the original 80s Jhonny Depp-debuing Nightmare of Elm Street

"COOOOOooooool…."

"I'M TALKIN' TO YOU!"

"Old fart~!" Pen ran to meet her 'grandpa,' and hugged him best she could. "Thank you SO much for letting us have a movie night even though you hate anything fun and get annoyed by loud noise. You're the best~!"

Optimus cocked an optic ridge at the medic bot. "You knew about this?"

"Er…well, I-I didn't give her PERMISSION in the first place! I-er…I just-she just-I mean-well-" He was flustered out of control.

"Why didn't you tell me sooner? I'd have gotten my old war films and some energon." The Prime walked over and joined in the fun, leaving the old fart with an organic teenager hanging on his leg and looking up at him with that doofy smile and puppy dog eyes.

"Er…well…erm…"

She kept lookin' at him.

"well…uh…" He sighed. "Alright…but JUST this once!"

"Thank you, old fart~!" She jumped up and gave him a peck on the cheek. "You won't regret this-hopefully- and I'm gonna make you WAFFLES in the mornin~!"

"I can't EAT waffles, numb-processor."

"All the same~!" And so she bounced off and joined her friends. "Hey, guys, you know something?" She addressed the autobots, humans, minions, and techno-organic that had gathered in the room. "I know I can be an EXTREMELY difficult little mary-sue of a goofball wingnut knucklehead McSpazitron to deal with-let alone LIVE with- so I wanna thank all y'all for bein' such good friends and welcoming me for so long. There's just ONE more musical number I wanna get in here before the day's out."

Wasabi Ed got the tune going. Khamleion facepalmed. "Just start the movie!"

"This is my JAM~!" Wreck-Gar bounced up and down where he was sitting, Bumblebee and Sari trapped under his arms in an unwilling group-hug.

Pen took the mike "Friday night I crashed your party,

Saturday I said I'm sorry,

Sunday came and trashed me out again.

I was only having fun!

Wasn't hurting anyone.

And we all enjoyed the weekend for a change."

The autobots(and Sari and Clive)could see her point. It certainly was never BORING when she was around. Then she grabbed Wreck-Gar by the hand(with both hands, otherwise she'd have absolutely NO grip) and brought him up in front.

"Aw, shucks, but I don't sing~!"

"You do now~!"

"I was stranded in the combat zone

I walked the Bedford stuy alone-

Even rode my motorcycle in the rain.

And you told me not to drive-

But I made it home alive!

And you said that only proves that I'm insane~!"

The two joined in together. "You may be right!

I may be crazy-

OH-but it just may be a LUNATIC you're lookin' for!

Turn out the lights.

Don't try to save me~!

You may be wrong, but for all I know it, you may be right~!"

Pen stood by Clive. Time to bug HIM~!

"Remember how I found you there-

ALONE in your electric chair.

I told you dirty jokes until ya smiled."

Wreck-Gar took his bespectacled, musical friend by the hand. "You were lonely for a man.

I said 'take me as I am~!'"

They both sang together again. "'cuz you might enjoy some madness for a while~!

Now think of all the years you tried to find someone to satisfy you.

I might be as crazy as you say…

If I'm crazy then it's true.

That it's ALL because of you-

And you wouldn't want me any other way~!"

True, they couldn't imagine the nutjobs being any different.

"You may be right.

I may be CRAZY.

OH- but it just may be a LUNATIC you're looking for.

It's too late to fight.

Too late to change me.

You may be wrong, but for all I know,

You may be right~!"

As the musical interloo went on, they danced like two perfect fools.

Phantom even broke out into the friggin' saxaphone! DANG that plushie was good.

"You may be right-

I MAY be crazy~!

But it just may be a lunatic you're lookin' for.

Turn out the lights.

Don't try to save me.

You may be wrong, but for all I know you may be right~!"

With the song over, Sari threw a pillow at her head. "Come on, Pen! Sit down and get the movie started!" She laughed.

"May be right?" Bulkhead raised an optic ridge. "I KNOW we're right. You're crazy as all get-out. And we WOULDN'T want you any other way."

They all got settled as the film started. Sari sat next to Bee who sat next to Bulkhead who sat next to Pen who sat next to Wreck-Gar who sat next to Phantom and Thing who sat next to Kahmelion who sat next to Clive who sat next to The twins who sat next to Jazz who sat next to Prowl who sat next to Optimus who sat next to Ratchet.

…

"Are we forgetting someone?" Pen looked over her shoulder just as a familiar Blue Autobot zipped in.

"perhaps that person would be me I can't believe you were going to start without me I most certainly wasn't late I mean maybe I was you should have given me a time to get here by when you called my com-link so what are we watching old earth films from your new friends of Team PaperWyngz's time should be fascinating to see what kind of special-effect technology they used 50 earth years ago and-"

"SSSSSSSSSSSSHHHH!"

Blurr sat down and shut up.

END OF CHAPTER 5

* * *

><p>"Ah, another fine day…Hey, Optimus?" Pen called over to her favorite autobot leader.<p>

"Hm?"

"I think a lot of the fans want you to sing something."

"…I don't sing."

"Oh, you don't have to SING. Just say words to music in tune~!"

"That's what singing IS, Pen." He sighed, face-servoing.

"Come on, please!"

"just ONE song?"

"I promise."

"What do I sing?"

"Well, Optimus, it's fair to say you're in charge around here? The boss-bot?"

"Absolutely."

"Ok. How's a day in the life of 'the boss?'"

You all know where this is headed. "Well the first thing I do is…

TALK TO SENTINEL-"

The minions joined in for respond. "LIKE A BAWSS"

"APPROVE PATROLS"

"Like a BAWSS"

"Lead a BATTLE!"

"Like a BAWSS"

"Remember CONSTRUCTION DATES"

"Like a BAWSS"

"Direct TEAMMATES"

"Like a BAWSS"

"My own BATHROOM"

"Like a BAWSS"

"MICROMANAGE!"

"Like a BAWSS"

"Promote SYNERGY!"

"Like a BAWSS"

"Hit on BLACK ARACHNIA!"

"Like a BAWSS"

"Get STUNG"

"Like a BAWSS?"

"Swallow SADNESS"

"Like a boss?"

"Send some COM SIGNALS"

"Like a BAWSS"

"Drink some OIL"

"Like a BAWSS"

"Get thrown into a BUILDING"

"Like a BAWSS"

"Crash in TRUCK FORM"

"Like a BAWSS?"

"Get some ENERGON"

"Like a BAWSS"

"Black out from an EMP GENERATOR"

"Like a BAWSS?"

"Turn into a TRUCK"

"Like a BAWSS"

"Attack the CONS!"

"Like a BAWSS"

"Crash into Megatron's SHIP"

"Like a BAWSS"

"Now I'm SLAGGED"

"Like a boss?"

Pen straightened her glasses. "…well…THIS is some new insight~! Thanks Prime, this has been eye-opening for me, and I think all the fans are rolling around on their floors laughing their tushies off."

"No Problem…wait, this is on the internet, isn't it?"

"Sho' is, hon."

"OH slag…"

"Like a BAWSS~!"

Thank you for reading our musical crap chapter.


	6. Chapter 6

Poof Chronicles 2: The Dorkcepticons

Chapter 6: In Which We Tie Up Loose Ends at Jurassic Frikkin' Park

* * *

><p>Joey looked over the script in his hands in disbelief. "Are you effin' kiddin' me! Why do <em>I<em> have to be Jeff Goldblum!" his laughable accent took an edge off the angered tone.

"Look," Wonkey sighed, checking something off on his clipboard. "I don't write this stuff. Just go with it."

* * *

><p>The red-and-black nightmaren floated his way through the cavern. His own light trail was the only illumination to make his way through. It'd been easy finding the place. Once he'd gotten a little TOO much "energon" or whatever they called it into that whining jet, the con had sung like a bird. Now, Reala was on his way to see someone with real power. Someone he could possibly have a harder time manipulating, but with FAR greater rewards to it. After all, they did have a common enemy in the way of whatever it was either of them wanted: the Autobots.<p>

As he entered the room, lo and behold, the giant metal warlord was sitting right there with his high-and-mighty rear. Reala would later have to remind himself to enjoy GREATLY Megatron's face when that huge cannon was absolutely useless to him.

"I've heard much about you, little cretin."

The nightmaren floated to the monstrosity's eye-level, and offered a gentleman's bow(though it pained him to pay respects to such a thing). "And I you, Megatron."

A purple-and-green, hulking mass lumbered its way between them, it's cannon staring Reala in the face. "You will address the glorious leader as LORD Megatron, you insect! He who can turn you into a smudge on the floor deserves greater RESPECT! You should be on your KNEES facing the all-powerful-"

"ENOUGH, Lugnut." The warlord snapped harshly. "This…is my _guest._" He said it as if he half was truly interested in the proposition this individual had to offer, half sickened in giving any respect in any form to a lower life form to himself. "We have much business to discuss."

* * *

><p>And so it all started a week or two ago.<p>

Pen sprawled out on the couch, bored out of her mind after their most recent giant monster/decepticon/pixy-fairy-elf-gnome battle. She'd also just come back from the parlor. She'd cut her hair to a short, spikey bob with bangs that hid her forehead. Kahmelion came by and sat down too- right on her legs.

"Kahmelion? Kinda flopped here. You're pinning me."

"Yeah, I know." She got out a book and some Dr. Pepper. "No ninja training today?"

"Not 'till later~!" the artist's mood immediately brightened. "I have time until this afternoon to spend with you~!"

BRRRRRING!

The two teenagers looked up. Thing's head was buzzing.

BRRRRRRRRING!

Pen got up, knocking Kahmleion off the couch, and opened the drawstrings and pulled out he ancient phone. "Hello, thank you for calling the Team PaperWyngz hotline. This is Pen speaking, how may we help you?"

There was a pause. Someone's unintelligible garble was heard to all the rest of them in the room, but Pen grew angrier with each passing beat as she listened to the voice on the other end. "Joey, LEAVE ME ALONE!" And so she slammed the receiver back on the hook and tossed the mess back into Thing's head. In a huff she sat back down just as Kahmelion was getting back up.

"Yeesh. Bumblebee looked up from the porable game console. "What's YOUR damage?"

"I don't wanna talk about it." She took a moon pie out of Thing's head and chowed down.

"Pen and her boyfriend had a little spatz, now she won't speak to him." Khamelion filled the yellow bot in, not even looking up from her book.

"STOP TALKIIIIIIIING!" Pen fumed, then grumbled off in some direction. "I dumped that looser…" And walked STRAIGHT into Bulkhead.

"Oh! Hey, Pen. Didn't see ya comin' and-" He read her face as he helped her up. "…still mad with that 'Joey' guy?"

"Yeah…a little." She sighed. "It's really putting down my usual chipper idiot-ness. Look, my ahoge's even drooping!" She held up the floppy piece of hair. Even IT looked sad. "See?"

Just then, the ninja bot himself snuck into the room. He did this weird spy tiptoe tiptoe HIDE look around, slip out the door thing. Pen and Bulkhead stared on.

"Ok…that was even weirder than ME." Pen raised an eyebrow.

* * *

><p>Prowl looked to make sure nobody was watching him, then transformed. Just before he pulled out cautiously into the streets-<p>

"WATCHU DOIN'!" A brunette, bespectacled nerd dropped out of the sky and landed right on the seat.

"YEAGH!" The motorcycle mech almost shot out into the lane. "Pen!" He fumed in a hushed tone. "What the slag are you DOING here?"

"I saw you actin' all funky and stuff, so I decided to come along and see what's down."

"No. Way." He tilted himself to the side, almost causing her to fall off, but she was a geek and she hung on TIGHT to a character. After several failed attempts and wearing himself out-as well as rattling his own processor-he sighed. There was no way he was getting rid of her. "Alright." He whispered. "But you have to stay quiet and do as I say. We're about to go somewhere far more dangerous than me or Optimus has ever taken you."

"Prowl, I've been fighting on a rope bridge over an active volcano against a hoard of zombie ninja dragons from mars. I THINK I can handle whatever you can dish." She boasted.

They took off.

* * *

><p>Only one of them came back.<p>

A few days later, Prowl was found washed-up on the beach of lake Superior. He'd tried to swim with one leg torn completely off and worn himself out. In addition to his leg, his chassis was slashed across with what appeared to be claw marks, and his vocalizer was shot so he couldn't even tell them what happened until urgent repairs were made.

Pen was gone. She was back there. Lost, alone, just barely able to defend herself, God-knows in what part of the crawling growth on what was the Dinobot's island.

* * *

><p>The wheeler kid snapped his head back up off of his desk as the end bell rang, ending his little nap. He ruffled his messy blonde hair and got his book bag, then headed out the door with his friends.<p>

"So you see, friendship is the most awesomest chocolate coated force in the universe and it's great for us to have friends because-"

"Yeah yeah, that's great Tea." A vertically challenged main character spoke up, then went back to internal monologueing with the Pharoah he was forced to share a spirit with.

"I like pudding~!" Tristan spoke up. Not really relating to the conversation at all.

"So, Joey, how's the situation with Pen? You know, that girlfriend of yours that you chose over Mai Valentine for some stupid whatever reason we don't really know and she's a bombastic American and the only brunette American we've ever met in our series and is totally crazy and you had that FIGHT with and who dumped your sorry-"

"AS I was saying-" Joey began, eager to change the subject. "I think Tristan's making a valid point for once! Was the cafeteria food really pudding or the FUDGE that comes from 'around the corner?'"

The group of teenagers walked on as they all went home one by one along their usual after-school trail. Joey was the one left. It was starting to get dark.

"Nyeh…remind me WHY my friggin' parents bought a house on the other side o' town from where I got to nap-I mean, scool?"

He heard an engine roar getting closer behind him. When he looked back, he saw a yellow and black sports car. Kinda small. He continued on his path and thought nothing of it… until the car slowed down and was now two feet behind his pace. When he looked back again, it stopped and idled. "nyeh! That's CREEPY!" He started walking again, pretending he didn't notice the vehicle and turned the corner where he usually did. He didn't think it would follow him-until it was this time RIGHT beside him.

He made a run for it.

This time, the vehicle pulled right in front of him on the SIDEWALK before he could even get anywhere, and transformed.

"Sorry, kid." The bot held out a hand for him. "Joey Wheeler, right?"

"Nyeh, who wants to know?" He refused the hand and got up on his own.

"I'm Bumblebee. Fastest thing on wheels, and member of the autobots."

"…what do I look like, Shia LeBouf to you?"

"This is serious, Wheeler!" a red-haired girl with shocking blue eyes wearing a yellow dress walked around the corner to them. Now he was surrounded.

"Nyeh…if I'm Shia LeBouf I hope you're Megan Fox…" He observed her, to get a big smack in the face. "NYEH-WHAT WAS THAT FOR!"

"My name is Sari." She straightened herself. "We have something urgent we need to tell you.

Bumblebee transformed as Sari stepped into the driver's seat. "Get in."

"Where are we goin'?"

"Someplace where we can discuss this without prying eyes." She replied. "Come on."

"And why should I get in an alien robot car with a mysterious Indian girl and go with them to who-knows-where?"

Two familiar plushies hopped up from the back seat. "Because it involves someone you DO know, idiot!" They said in unison. "We'll explain on the way."

* * *

><p>The group sped over the highway. "So…" Joey fumbled with the handle on his duffel bag. "You mind tellin' me what we stopped by my house so I could pack and leave a note for my parents for, Nyeh?"<p>

Sari kept her hands on the wheel and her eyes forward to make it look like she was driving. "Joey, you're Pen's boyfriend, right?"

"Nyeeeeeeh-Ex, more likely." He scratched the back of his head. "Why?"

Phantom, in the Passenger seat, turned his head and stared him dead in the eye. "She's missing and could be dead at any moment."

"WHAT!" The teenager nearly jumped through the car roof. "What happened!" He asked, shaking all over.

Sari took a breath. "She and Prowl went to the Dinobot's Island about two weeks ago. Last week we found Prowl severely damaged on the shore of Lake Superior."

"Alright…so where's Pen?"

"That…we're still trying to find out. She could be ANYWHERE on the island, or she could be strewn out in pieces EVERYWHERE on the-"

"Stop, STOP!" He shouted. He didn't want to hear that possibility. "What…what can I do? I appreciate that you let me know I might need a black tux and flowers, but why do you need me to come with you?"

"Because." Sari said. "Pen often talked about you being a black belt in 'Brooklyn Rage,' and you watched the cartoon just as much as she had. If there's any plotholes or dramatic irony where the 'audience' knew something we didn't, we need to know to help us get around the island, get around the dinobots, and find her."

"What about Prowl? He went there LOADS of times in the first place."

"yes, but dramatic Irony's still a turd to deal with."

Phantom poofed them all to future Detroit.

* * *

><p>MEANWHILE<p>

Pen, scraggly, starving, hair a wreck, clothes a HUGE wreck, sweaty and dirty made her way to the top of the tree.

"Audio tape diary, day 9. I've had nothing to eat but a few berries I found, and thank God they weren't poisonous. I'm incredibly lucky to have found that clean water source running through the island. How, I have NO idea, but nothing really makes sense in these fanfictions so I'm sure gonna roll with it. It's getting increasingly more difficult to hide from the dinobots. Note, very good senses of smell for a bunch of robots. I try to keep myself hydrated just so I can still make it but don't have to go to the bathroom that much for fear they find my 'territory' if you will. Still no signs of rescue. Note to self: make a BIGGER fire signal on the shore tonight….is this thing working?" Pen looked down at the pinecone she was holding. "…note to self." She spoke into it. "Find an actual tape recorder." And then she chucked it clear across the island. She flopped back against a sturdy tree branch and rested, panting.

A few hours after Prowl and her had gotten to the island, they'd come across the Dinobots Prowl had hoped to meet up with. Something had gone sour. The Dinobots weren't acting like themselves. They were-in fact- acting like they had under Black Arachnia's rule. They'd attacked not ten minutes later, and sent the both of them running. Pen-being the idiot she was- had ended up running in a different direction and losing not only her persuers but also her mentor. She hadn't seen him since. Now she was just trying to survive. She slept in a different tree each night-never going back to the same place-dug her own urinals, drank at a different spot of the lake(the one inside the island, not the one surrounding it) each time, and using some of the water to dilute the scent from her trail. She ate whatever she could find available. A few times she'd had to trap a bird or a rabbit and felt terrible about it. She LOVED rabbits, but in this case it was either them or her. These were wild animals anyway, not the cuddly captive-bred ones. One of them might have given her RABIES for pete's sake.

A rumble shook her from her mental reiteration- and almost knocked her out of the tree. She hung on tight and looked down. There, not three feet from where she was perched was the giant, the powerful, the guy you REALLY don't want to P.O.

Grimlock.

The dinobot snorted. "Me, Grimlock smell tiny person…but me, Grimlock not SEE tiny person…"

Snarl simply snorted and sat his rear down. Swoop…well, swooped from the sky and landed in the tree. The SAME tree Pen was trying to rest in. She froze. Sweat rolled off of her in beads like rain.

"You, Grimlock is big stupid head. Me, Swoop hear of SEE things… but not SMELL things."

Grimlock shot a firey breath at the pteradon that Pen could feel nearly singe her eyebrows off. She tried desperately to hold her breath. That's right. Slag just got serious.

"You, Swoop is BIGGER stupid head! Grimlock mean…me, Grimlock not stupid! Grimlock head not stupid! Me, Grimlock smell tiny person! Tiny person close! Him, tiny person, be SLAG when me, Grimlock find!"

They still didn't notice her. Pen figured if she could just shimmy down the trunk, and if their fight kept them occupied, then she could make it crawling on her belly through the thick undergrowth and make a break for it as soon as she could, all with the use of her ninja stealth-ness.

They were shouting and carrying on at each other, not even looking. Now was her chance! Ok, she made it down the trunk.

Ok, now she was in the undergrowth.

Ok, now she was-SNAP!...stepping on a branch.

Three pairs of cold, hard, optics turned to her. Pen, for the first time, was frozen. No paper to use in a fight, no hammer space minion full of weapons, no poofing minion to make a getaway, and no backup. They stared her into the ground for a good, long time. It was fight or flight.

She took FLIGHT.

Rushing through the undergrowth with a hoard of angry dinobots rampaging after her.

* * *

><p>Using whatever the heck she learned in that ninja class as well as the much-needed adrenaline boost, she thought and moved quickly. She ran in serpintine. Grimlock-big and bulky-was the first to get lost. She ducked under a thick web of tree branches. The T-Rex had tried to burn his way through, but that just gave him even MORE of a block. Snarl was able to duck under the branches(and plow thorugh some of the lower ones) and Swoop was able to sail above.<p>

Speaking of Snarl, he was the next to go. Pen, at the speed she was going, used the ninja technique she'd learned from Prowl as she approached a rocky cliff. Dead end? Not if you turn around. She used her momentum and traction as she ran up the side and flipped off of it, landing right behind Snarl, who was running so fast he crashed into the rock side. Pen had taken off once again. Now, the only one behind her was Swoop. She was CONSTANTLY dodging his claws that would pick her up and dash her to the ground. And now, she was REALLY running out of road.

The forest gave way to rock. How the HECK was she coming up on a cliff! She didn't have a choice. She ran right up to it until she WAS out of placed to run. She skidded to a halt on the edge.

Swoop didn't. His momentum dive-bombed him right for her, knocked her off the edge. Pen wasn't going down without a fight. Maybe screaming her lungs out, but not without a fight. She grabbed onto his wing. Her weight threw him off, and messed up his flight, making him careen out of control and sink with her. They were headed right for the water. Then, black.

* * *

><p>Pen got a rude awakakening when a giant foot stomped her in the chest, and water came gushing out of her mouth and nose. She coughed, gagged, sputtered, the whole deal. She looked up into the eyes of her savior…and screamed.<p>

It was trapped in her mouth halfway when the dinobot(transformed into bot mode) clamped a clawed hand over her mouth. Well, one finger or two really sufficed given the size difference.

Pen finally got it off of her. She waited to be disemboweled or squashed underfoot or some other gruesome death. It never came. She just stared into the blue optics of the mech in front of her. "UH…hi." She meakly raised a hand to wave at him.

Seeing this, he perked up…and imitated the movement. "Hi."

"uh…Pen." She said, pointing her thumb to herself. "My name is Pen. Do you understand me?"

"…me Swoop." Came the short reply.

She nodded, and stared at him. "So…you're not going to fly me over to your buddies and have them rip me apart or toast me or whatever?"

The bot was silent.

"right…" She paused. "Um…sit?"

He obliged, with a look that clearly said he did NOT know what the heck was going on either.

"…really, why don't you just fly away?" Then she saw it. His left wing was torn and leaking fluid. It was also so crumpled she doubted he could even have flown if the wing WASN'T torn. She stared, not knowing what to do. She remembered she was still wearing a hoodie jacket. It was getting torn up anyway. She took it up and tore it into a long bandage strip, and approached.

Seeing this, he snarled at her. She stopped for a minute, but then gulped and kept going.

"I'm not going to hurt you. I wanna help."

Gingerly, he lowered the wing for her. It was PRETTY jacked up, alright.

Slowly, carefully, and trying desperately not to freak him out, she tied the jacket bandage around it to stop the leak. They looked at eachother for some time.

"…thank you, for saving my life."

"Thanks, you, Pen."

"…why DID you save my life?"

No answer.

A rumble signaled the approach of feet. One pair, one on all fours. Swoop snatched the human up and dashed off on foot, just as the others were nearing their landing site.

* * *

><p>Swoop stood, back against a large tree, the human held close to him while he held her mouth shut. They hid from Grimlock and Snarl, holding their breath(or exhaust in one of their cases), a panicked look in both their eyes.<p>

The minutes seemed like a million years until the two concluded they 'weren't there' and lumbered off to look elsewhere.

The bot and the human relaxed.

Pen looked up at the Pterodon mech. "thanks, man. But really…why? I'm a human. I drive cars that run on gas made of fossil fuel. You and your friends would be tearing me to shreds. Not to look a gift horse in the mouth, but why?"

"…me Swoop not like him, Grimlock. Him Grimlock think him leader. Him boss us dinobots. You, Pen…" He looked down at his sorry little wing. "You, Pen, help me Swoop. Swoop help you, Pen."

"You don't owe me anything, man. You saved me from drowning. You don't have to do any of this."

He paused. Not knowing quite what to say. "You Pen need shut up and happy me Swoop your friend now….you Pen me Swoop's friend?"

The teenager paused, and straightened up her glasses(not sure HOW she'd been able to keep them on and not lose them by now)…and flopped right down into the dinobot's lap. "Well…this is FINE by me…and better than having to run from someone who flies faster than a jet…"

* * *

><p>MEANWHILE<p>

The boat finally left, with Joey, Kahmelion, Clive, Phantom, Thing Bulkhead, Bumblebee, and Ratchet on the shores of the island. Dare they go any furthur?

Joey stood in awe at the island, as did everyone else besides Bulkhead. None of them had been here before besides Optimus, Bulkhead, and Prowl(and Sentinel and the Jet Twins). None of them KNEW the Dinobots were even HERE besides those three(and Sentinel and the Jet Twins).

When they all reached the top of the cliff and overlooked the forest, there was even more awe to behold.

"So…Pen…is in THERE?" Joey pointed to the thick flora growth before them.

"Yes." Prowl spoke clearly from the com link in Thing's head so he could be on 'speaker phone' for everyone in the search party to hear. "Remember, don't draw too much attention to yourself, and don't disturb the natural surroundings. This will bring the Dinobots right to you. Even if they find you by the DUMBEST of luck, do NOT engage."

"Nyeh, and what if THEY engage US, huh?" Joey crossed his arms. "THEN what, smarty-pants ninja-bot?"

"They won't attack unless provoked."

"You sure? They did it SEVERAL times when I was watchin' this series. Seriously, your whole 'animal rights' stance is really backfiring. I mean, You're trying to to protect the dinobots from the people who might hurt them or something, but at the same time those dinobots are trying to hurt EVERYONE that you were protecting them from. Heck, they tried to kill YOU a handful of times. So…we're not supposed to take out the thing that's going to kill us?"

The ninja bot paused. "…just..when you find Pen, get her out of there right away…Prowl, out." And then the transmission cut off.

"Heh. The Brooklyn kid crossed his arms behind his head. "He knows I speak with infallible logic."

* * *

><p>The team reached the bottom of the slope, and were trekking through the forest.<p>

Bulkhead and Joey called out to the missing bat-crazy artist, but to no avail. Ratchet tried to block out the noise and scan the ground for any traces of her. Sari and Bumblebee drove through the growth to scout ahead for trouble. The minions stayed close to Kahmelion and Clive.

"Pen!" Joey cried for the umpteenth time. "PEEEEEEN! Nyeh, this is USELESS!" he threw his binoculars down in frustration. "She could be all the way across the island and we're wastin' our breath!"

"She might not even be ABLE to hear us" Clive checked his reference book on dinosaur behavior with Khamelion.

"…for more reason than one…" Ratchet sighed and shook his head.

"DON'T YOU DARE SAY THAT!" Five characters turned hotly on the medic bot.

Bulkhead, Joey, Kahmelion, and all the minions stared him into the ground with fire in their eyes.

"Pen is NOT dead! She CAN'T be! I don't care WHAT your med school and thousands of years of war experience says!" Joey kicked a tree…Brooklyn rage had no effect.

Bulkhead-in one of his rare moments- was truly fuming. "Pen is one of the best friends I've ever had! She's smart and brave and strong! She'd NEVER go down like this!"

"Yeah." Kahmelion put her hands on her hips. "I mean, she's battled lava pit snakes before. She can TAKE three dinobots. Those things are CREAM PUFFS compared to what she's faced." (Pen: THEN WHY THE HECK WOULD I BE RUNNING!)

"He has a point though." Clive scratched the back of his head. "She has NO paper with her, and neither of her minions to help her anyway."

Kahmelion slapped him across the face. He hit the ground with a shocked expression. NOW she was mad.

"Don't…you…ever…say…that…about…my…friend!" She seethed. He just stared at her. "Ok, so I actually DO care! Big woop!" She brushed her bangs out of her eyes.

"Besides." Phantom spoke up. "Mistress Pen created us. Our lives are linked. For us to be alive and talking to you right now, SHE needs to still be alive."

"Yeah." Thing pulled the drawstrings on his head extra tight. "She sure HASN'T gone down without a fight."

The medic bot sighed. "Well, we're not getting our hopes up…but we WILL keep looking, and bring her back…hopefully alive."

And thus the search continued.

* * *

><p>Night fell and Pen was hunkered down under the cliff with they'd abandoned earlier with her new 'friend.' Swoop had started the fire and she huddled around it, trying to fend off the cold night air without the help of her jacket. She wished she had a guitar with her…better yet, some PAPER. If she'd thought to bring it along, she wouldn't be IN this MESS.<p>

The dinobot sat next to her, staring at the strange little human. He did wonder why exactly he was helping this creature. The 'right' thing to do may have been to save her from drowning and protect her from the other dinobots, but the much 'smarter' thing to do would have been to leaver the little gas-user to choke and dry out on the beach and get to his friends for some real help with his wing.

"I can't thank you enough for getting me out of that jam." Pen finally spoke up. "You didn't have to stick your neck out for me, but you did. I'm grateful."

He just sat there silently.

"Well…um…" she continued. "If we both get out of this alive, just remember- you can always rely on me. For anything."

Still no answer. They just sat there in awkward silence for a while. The stars were starting to come out. The teenager stood up and looked to the sky. It was so beautiful when you got away from the city lights. You could see so much!

GRRRRRRRWwwwrrrlll

The dinobot jumped and stared at her, spooked by the noise that just erupted from the organic's abdomen.

"…Guess I'm a little hungry." She laughed. "It'll have to wait until I can find somethi-"

Swoop transformed, and with a small 'splash' he was in and out of the water with his beak of sorts, and in his maw he held a pretty good-sized fish.

"…thanks, man." She accepted the offer happily, found a stick of driftwood, and started roasting. "That's…what…three I owe ya?"

He just smiled.

As dinner cooked, she continued watching the skies. "Wow…Swoop, you ever take the time and just look at the stars? They're so beautiful, ya know?"

"Me swoop not have time for stars."

"We have time now, don't we? Come on, sit~!" She insisted, patting the rock surface next to her.

The dinobot lumbered over and sat down. Pen sneezed. Swoop put his good wing around her, to try and shield her from the wind blowing from across the water at least. He had to admit. Those little bright things floating in the sky he'd never known the name of before did have a certain air to them. "You Pen know names of stars?"

"Some of them." She shrugged. "The ones that make up pictures. Over there is Orion's belt, which is part of Orion, the warrior." she pointed somewhere above them. "And over THERE is signus. Then THERE'S the big dipper-also called the great bear- and if you follow the handle, there's the LITTLE dipper-or little bear."

He only half payed attention. He just liked the pretty lights.

Wait…why were some of them flashing? It was like a dark shape was flying over them. A dark, familiar shape…oh slag.

"GET DOWN!" Swoop tucked the organic teenager close to him, covering her with his good wing, and pressed themselves close to the rock wall. He kicked sand onto the fire to put it out. Pen's stomach grumbled even more looking at the ruined fish. Thinking it was her MOUTH growling, Swoop once again clamped his hand over her mouth. The waited, still as statues while the figure passed over. It became clear it wasn't going away any time soon. On the contrary, it turned on hi-beams to them. Swoop tucked the organic behind him. "Stay down." He whispered, as the character landed in front of him.

"Zzpider bot call meeting, beazztbot." The voice of a certain green maniac buzzed. "Why beazztbot not show up?"

"Me, Swoop wing damaged when pursuing her, organic."

"Did beazztbot DEzZTROY organic?" Waspinator crossed his arms.

"Me Swoop rip her organic into chunks and toss into lake."

Pen chewed on her own tongue to keep herself quiet. She was holding her breath.

"Beazztbot get to meeting. Zzpider bot awaitzz." And so the green techno-organic flew off.

When he was sure the other had gone, Swoop stood back up normally, but he kept Pen tucked under his good wing, and made his way around the cliff to the forest.

"What's going on?" Pen whispered to the dinobot.

"You Pen come along, but you Pen do as me, Swoop say. You Pen stay down and keep quiet."

She zipped her yap.

* * *

><p>MEANWHILE<p>

When the team was setting up THEIR camp.

Kahmelion roasted a s'more over the open flame. It was really quiet without Pen here to muck things up. Joey was playing cards(big surprise) with Bulkhead and the minions. Bumblebee and Sari were searching for more firewood, and Ratchet went over the scans he'd taken of the ground for the umpteenth time, trying to find ANY trace he'd missed before. There was only a few scraps of fabric from her clothes he'd randomly found, but they never were in any specific trail. They'd combed half of the island that day. They were starting to get discouraged…again.

Clive sat down next to Kahmelion. "Hey…you ok?"

She didn't look up from the fire. "Yeah. I'm fine. I'm just…"

"Starting to get a little worried?"

"Yeah. She's the main character, there's no DOUBT in my mind that she'll make it through to the end of the story, but we have no idea what she's going through right now. She could be being tortured or maimed. All we have to go on is Phantom and Thing to make sure she's not dead or whatever…or, she could be doing a 'How To Train Your Dragon' rip-off as we speak in this 'Jurassic Park' rip-off."

He sighed. "Yeah. Pass me the back of marshmallows?"

"Get them yourself." She got a book out. "By the way, I'm sorry for slapping you, 'k?"

"Sure…I guess." He got his marshmallow and blushed.

A rumbling was heard. Several thuds of footfall sounded, and were getting closer.

All of them stopped what they were doing and froze in defensive stance.

Phantom and Thing cowered behind Khamelion's legs as she got some paper and wielded it into a sword. Clive drew out his lance, and Sari her energon blades. Bulkhead's wrecking-ball, Ratchet's electro-magnets, and Bumblebee's stingers were at the ready. Joey…he picked up a large rock.

A loud roar shot through the night. Two sets of feet-one bipedal and one quadroped- trampled into their campsite.

"Hah! Me Grimlock head not stupid! Me Grimlock KNEW there was tiny people!"

Snarl just roared in their faces, hot exhaust blowing their hair back. Clive had to hang on to his hat.

The dinobots stared down the humans.

Sari whispered over her shoulder. "What…the SLAG…do we do now?"

"My suggestion?" Bumblebee transformed. "RUN!" and rolled out.

A new chase was on.

* * *

><p>Pen hung on tight as Swoop walked through the forest and reached the abandoned laboratory and went in. She couldn't believe her little fangirl eyes.<p>

She would be SO geeking out right now if she wasn't in TRUE mortal peril for the first time in her adventures. They made their way down the halls, and she recognized EVERYTHING. Everything, even-

The tall, dark, and very emo and bratty spider femme standing, waiting for them in the laboratory while a green, buzzing robotic wasp flew past them and landed by her, transforming into a tencho-organic mech that we all recognize.

"So." She smirked. "Finally decide to show up, have we? And WHERE are the OTHER ones?"

"Wazzpinator find otherzz. Beazztbotz zzay Beazzt botzz are on Beazztbotzz' way. Wazzpinator find THIZZ beazztbot by shore. Beazztbot zzaid beazztbot dezztroy organic."

"Organic?" She raised and optic ridge. "What organic?"

"Beazztbotzz tell Wazzpinator organic wazz on island with ninja bot. Ninja bot wazz gone, organic wazz not."

"Perfect…" She facepalmed. "Well, at least you're SURE she's gone NOW, whoever she was…what's that?" She pointed to the crippled wing, or rather, the thing wrapped around it.

"…Me Swoop use organic jacket wrap wing when damaged. Her not need it anymore."

Nice save. Black Arachnia seemed to buy it, and she went back to the machinery she was working on. Waspinator helped her fix some wires. "I'm THIS close to unlocking the secret to turning me back! I can just FEEL it!" She hissed through clenched teeth. I've spent a stellarcycle reverse-engineering the effects from the last turn…but there's ONE thing I'm missing." She went over a pile of schematics papers and threw them aside in a rage, clutching her head on the desk. "This is getting hopeless." She turned to Swoop, a sultry look in her eyes. "Oh, Swoop…would you be a dear and volunteer to be another test subject? It'd be REALLY great if I could study YOUR schematics."

_Great._ Thought Pen. _He's FALLIN' for the skankity skank-skank. _And she facepalmed. Screw keeping down! The dinobot was already stepping towards the machine. She was going to repay him like this. She grabbed onto his arm, swung out from under the wing, and kicked him in his own hand.

"Do NOT go in there! It'll be worse than going in a porta-john!" She yelled, getting onto his shoulders. He looked at her, wide-eyed like she was crazy(and she was.)

"What you Pen doing! GET DOWN!" He tried to hide her under his wing again.

"THE ORGANIC!" Waspinator lunged at them. Pen managed to jump off just as the two collided and hit the floor, wrestling in a heap of metal.

"SWOOP!" Pen called out. "Ok…I AM an idiot…" And dashed over to Black Arachnia with a kick to her scrawny, high-heeled leg, sending her toppling onto her huge spider butt. "YOU EVIL ENCHANTRESS! I will end your reign of terror over these gentle giants!"

"Who the slag ARE you, you little insect!"

"Look who's talkin' man!" Pen took defensive stance(thought she really had NO way to defend herself right now).

Just then, two characters who are really starting to tick us off came running into the room. Carried either in their maws or on their backs…were the very ones sent to rescue Pen in the first place. The teenager rushed to her friends as they were haphazardly dropped onto the cold floor. Thank the Lord they were still alive.

"Khamelion!" She knelt by her friend. "What happened?"

"We nearly got ourselves killed making sure YOU were still alive." She coughed. "Somebody wanna tell me how TWO dinobots totally trashed three bots, a techno-organic, three humans, and two super-powered plushies?"

"Wait…THREE humans?" Pen looked at the people pile-up. The only humans with her were Kahmelion and Clive, who was the third? "JOEY!" She rushed over to him, as he was laying on top of Bulkhead. The giant wrecking-ball autobot sat up and helped him down. "Thanks, Bulkster. Thank goodness you're both alright." She hugged The autobot's forearm, and then embraced the boy. "Joey, why did you come here?"

"I had ta help ya, babe. I was worried."

"Joey…even with your monster cards useless in this universe?"

"Hey, I had Brooklyn rage. You didn't have ANYTHING."

"Well, I wouldn't say that…"

Swoop was flung across the room and crashed into the same pile as the rest of Pen's friends. She got some paper out and wielded it into a hammer. They were all regrouping as they were surrounded by two very angry dinobots and two very angry bug bots. One of which had a very personal vendetta.

"HELLO Bumblebot…" he hissed, hate in his optics.

The team stood back to back. They were all ready to hit somebody(except Black Arachnia, she was apparently hot stuff or whatever.) It was all about to go down. Just when they were ready to fire(literally in the dinobots' case)-

"Wait!" Pen stopped. "What the heck are we doing?"

"What the heck are YOU doing?" Bumblebee looked over his shoulder at her, not taking his stingers off target. ""Cuz right now, I'm all for NOT GOING OFFLINE!"

"Is there NO reason we can't just talk this out?" She put down her weapon and raised her hands in the universal gesture of 'I'm not carrying anything deadly don't shoot me.' "Just think about it for a sec, how STUPID is this?"

"I think it's slagging stupid what you're doing right NOW!" Ratchet barked at her.

"Let me finish, please." Pen broke from the circle. "Look, the dinobots may be deadly killing machines, but the ONLY attack if provoked(or just peeved or confused). We know why they're attacking us. Skankitty Skank Skank over here has them wrapped around her little finger because she's HAWT or something."

"Hey!" She glared, drawing her spikes. "You wanna go, kid? Don't blame this whole thing on ME!"

"As I said, let me finish. Skankitty skank skank over HERE is only being a bratty emo evil enchantress-"

"Hold on!" Kahmelion cut in. "You're not quoting 'My Little Pony' again, are you?"

"But it makes sense! Wasabi Ed, bongos~!

She's an evil enchantress, she does evil dances

If you look into her eyes, she will put you in TRANCES.

So what'll she do? She'll mix up a BREW!

And she'll gobble you up in a big tasty stew-

So WATCH OUT!"

The group stared at here, waiting for the point.

"And," She continued. "She's only being that way because she's discussed with herself because of a circumstance she couldn't control. And she shouldn't be! Techno-organicism is TOTALLY acceptable. Just take a look at Sari, for instance. You see, she just fails to realize that this ISN'T the only option for her, and there are people that WILL accept her-coughOptimuscough- and you don't need to change. She's just confused." She shrugged, jumped up, and patted the femme on the head like little kidergartener.

The femme seethed in the corner…but had to admit the organic had a point. This realization just made her even MORE t'ed-off.

"And Wasp." She turned to one of her favorite characters in the entire continuity. "What can I say that hasn't already been said? Another victem of the 'evil enchantress's call for help(not to mention Shockwave jerky jerk face), and hopelessly maddened because he did time for a crime that he HIMSELF did not commit."

"WAZPINATOR NEVER FORGIVE! Never forget! Wazpinator do nothing wrong…"

"Well, that's not entirely true. Yes, the autobots were slagging 'tards because they somehow failed to realized that if information continued to be leaked AFTER the 'spy' was apprehended, then that bot, by just plain LOGIC, would therefore not be the spy. I mean, HOW in the HECK does a guy who's in jail even GET to info like that? Maybe you should have-OH, I dunno, checked up on the actual INTEL DEPARTMENT? Who had access to all the info that the cons were getting? Hel-LOOOO. Anybody home?"

"Wow…" Kahmelion looked up at Ratchet. "When someone like PEN calls your bullcrap on logic, you KNOW you've been a real 'tard."

"As I was saying," Pen continued. "So he was kept in a stockade against his will. You may say that he was mean to Bumblebee and Bulkhead, and a nasty lightle blighter, never WAS a good bot, but still. NOBODY deserves to have all their friends, their hopes and dreams, their life, and HUMANITY stripped from them because of a crime they didn't commit."

"Ok, we GOT that." Bumblebee snapped. "We've apologized SEVERAL times!"

"I'm not done makin' you feel bad, Bee, so shut it. He went stark, raving, MAD. He needs a BIT more than sorry. However…" She turned to the green thing. "The whole plot where you assaulted Bee and took over his persona wasn't entirely justified. JUST when they were trying to HELP you, man? NOT cool." She crossed her arms. Waspinator just glared. "Don't look at me like that." She said. "This isn't your fault entirely, but it isn't NOT your fault entirely"

"Your grammer is atrocious, Pen." Clive called from their little huddle.

The teenager surveyed the team. "That aside, follow me so far? Basically, it's not a question of 'point A person that led to point B that led to C screwing up D and the whole thing falling to crap', it's a circle of huge misunderstanding and 'tardedness. You guys just need to reach a closure, and let bygones be bygones. Turn over a new leaf, and forgive eachother for crap's sake, 'cuz all this mess is just plain self-destructive to BOTH sides."

The dinobots paused and looked at eachother. The autobots did the same.

"Well, even if we DID do all that namby-pamby forgive and forget scrap and be happy, smiling bots holding hands and singing our precious little vocalizers out in a field of flowers, what the HECK does it fix? Some things you just CAN'T do away. Time does NOT heal all wounds." Black Arachnia put her hands on her hips.

"I'm aware of that, thank you." Pen straightened her glasses. "And I'm sure our friend Wasp here shares that felling and wants to rip Bumblebee's circuitry out right now, am I right?"

"NOT HELPING!" Bee panicked, raising his stingers higher.

"Anyway, you have the machine. That turned him techno-organic, right?"

"yes." Black Arachnia sighed, and facepalmed. "But it's taking ages to reverse-engineer and figure out the schematics of –babble babble science bable bable science bable-"

"Alright, you're making it WAY too difficult. WAY More difficult than it needs to be. Just throw it in REVERSE, ok?"

"Ha!" Waspinator tossed his head back. "Machinezz izz not zzo zzimple! Organic cannot zzimply attach car tranzzmizzion to machinezz juzzt like THAT!...can she?"

They stared at eachother.

* * *

><p>OUT ON THE STREETS OF DETROIT<p>

"Yeah, I KNOW!" A man wearing a snazzy sweater vest walked out of the store, talking on his cell phone. "It's the best car I've ever bought! And SO cheap, too! I was able to get it FULLY insured. Even if someone just went in and stole the transmisson and stick shift out of it, I'd STILL be covered-not that I'd NEED it~!" The man laughed as he neered the red vehicle parked on the curb. He got in and started the engine…and started to drift back. "What the-!" He slammed the break. "what it the-" he went to put the car out of the reverse it seemed to be going in, but the stick was gone.

…not taking his foot off of the break, he once again took out his phone. "Hello, Allstate? Yeah, I'll hold…"

* * *

><p>BACK TO JURRASIC PARK-I mean, DINOBOT ISLAND<p>

"Alright, it's all hooked up." Ratchet finished the wiring, and the machines were now linked.

"Ok…" Pen paused, pulling down a pair of heavy-duty goggles. "Everyone, put on your goggles. We need a volunteer. Who's it gonna be?"

Black Arachnia stepped back. "Waspinator? Be a darling and-"

"Yezz, Zzpider lady!" And the poor sap was right into the chamber.

"Ok…" Pen went to the gear shifter. "It worked on Johnny Test…"

"PEN! You're using a cartoon to base serious science off of!" Khamelion bopped her in the back of the head.

"Well, this IS a cartoon itself, isn't it? Besides, It's Transformers. There's TONS of Deus-Ex-Machina bull-crappery."

"…continue." She said, putting on her goggles and sipping a Dr. Pepper.

"Alright. May I do the honors?" She put her hand on the shift, pulled it back to line up with the 'R', and stepped back, giving a signal to Sari, who pushed the proverbial 'big red button.'

There was a flash of light, and tortured screams from within. They could see the poor soul's hands clawing the glass window….then slowly stop squirming. The smoke released from the cracks with a pnumatic hiss, and filled the room.

* * *

><p>When the smoke cleared, the lot of them got up, coughing their lungs(or exhaust) out. Pen got up and walked to the machine. "Oh, geez! PLEASE don't be dead or horribly disfigured! Oh spoot…" She struggled with the hatch. "Bulkhead, give me a hand with this door!"<p>

"I can take care of it!" An accented voice 'nyeh'ed', then a kick precision-aimed for the edge of the door caused the chamber to pop RIGHT open.

"…Thanks, Joey…" Pen looked at her 'ex' admirably.

"Hey, there isn't ANYTHING I can't or won't do for you."

A scraping sound was heard as the figure inside got up. The bot rose, trying to wave away the smoke still lingering in the pod to see himself.

"How Wazzpinator look? Wazzpinator bot again!"

No answer. Everyone's jaw just dropped.

"What izz it? Wazzpinator ugly, izzn't Wazzpinator!" he looked down at his hands, and was so shocked he nearly fell back down. He stepped out of the pod. " Let Wazzpinator zzee!"

Pen slowly, not taking her eyes off of him, went to Thing, and undid his drawstring head, drawing out a long, large mirror. She held it out and up to him as she approached. "Well, I can't do anything about your brains, but…this you might like."

He looked into the mirror…and got the shock of his life.

He was WASP again.

"I don't BELIVE it!" Ratchet tossed his hands up in euphoria. "That slag actually WORKED!" he laughed, and friendly punched Bumblebee in the arm. "C'mere, you little nut and bolt case!" he said, grabbing Pen and noogying her.

"Black Arachnia, are you READEH~?" She jumped down in front of the spider lady.

"Are you seriously ASKING me that!" She pushed her aside and got into the chamber. "Pull that thing NOW."

"Yeesh…" Pen picked herself up. "Push-y! Nevertheless, let's resolve an unresolved plot point, people~!"

And so the whole mad science was repeated.

* * *

><p>That morning, the whole dang assortment stood on the beach, watching the waves crash and waiting for the boat to come.<p>

Pen and Swoop shared their last few hugs. "Dude…" she sighed. "It's been a heck of a time. Thank you for helping me back there."

"Me Swoop thank you Pen. You Pen Swoop REAL friend. Thank You Pen friend Him Ratchet also for wing." He raised the once-crumpled limb, now fully repaired. "you friend Pen visit sometime?"

The organic teenager hugged him once more. "Yes, me friend Pen visit sometime." She walked over to the shore.

"Hey, Jo-Jo?"

"Nyeh? Uh, yeah Pen?" He turned around to face her.

"I'm…I'm sorry I called you stupid bombastic weakling and said you acted like a ten-year-old and told you you needed a haircut…"

"Hey, baby, I'm sorry I cracked that joke about your weight and said your haircut looked scraggly…I like you just the way you are…and I LOVE your new haircut. It's sassy, just like you."

"Aw, shut up, Joey! You talk too much!" And so she gave him a big, spine-crushing hug.

"Alright, break it up you kids." Ratchet set a hand on Pen's shoulder. "Look, Pen, I wanna tell you something…something I didn't stop thinking of when we were all worried sick you could be dead…"

"Wait…ALL of you?" She raised an eyebrow at the medic.

"Look, Pen, you know I'm a grumpy old fart…but I'm only like that because I CARE about all my teammates. I don't want to see any of them hurt."

"Wait." She beamed. "…does this mean…"

"Yeah. What's the use, Pen? You and Team PaperWyngz…welcome to the Autobots."

"THANKYOUOLDFART~! And to think it only took 6 chapters~!" She hugged the medic-bot, only to have him peel her off of himself.

"Don't push it." He growled.

Kahmelion handed the binoculars to Clive. "The boat's here. We should be headed back to the plant in a bit."

"Remember how Pen chowed down like she had two hollow legs last night?" Clive remarked as he looked out over the water.

"She probably did after going two weeks on two or three berries a day." She replied.

Clive looked over to where Pen and Joey sat, arms around each other, on Bulkhead's shoulder. Next, he looked over and saw Sari and Bee enjoying each other's company as well. "Hey…Kahmleion?"

"No friggin' way, limey."

"Right, I'll be quiet…"

* * *

><p>The ship finally got to the beach, and Prowl and Optimus stepped off. Optimus had to help Prowl, since the ninja bot had to use a cane while he repairs got broken-in. (haha I'm SO ripping off Jurrasic Park stuff XD)<p>

Then, he saw HER.

The leader rushed off the boat to meet the femme. "Eileta-One? Is that…really you!"

The femme stepped forward. "Yes, Optimus." She smiled. "It's me…finally.

"How…how-!"

"The little brunette nuts and bolts case over on the big green one's shoulder." She pointed her thumb over at the group sitting on the shore. "She a friend of yours?"

"Y…yes…SHE fixed you?"

"It involved mad science, but yes." She sighed, and patted Snarl on the head. "I'm…ALMOST me again…"

"Wow…" the Autobot leader was taken aback, and completely overjoyed. He took her by the hands. "You HAVE to come back to the plant with us! You can stay with us, we can tell Sentinel you're alright- get you back through to Cybertron to get redrafted-"

"I don't THINK so." She took back her hands. "Optimus…I'm staying here."

"But…why?"

"I...I still have some things to work out. I may LOOK like the old Eileta-One," She looked down. "But I'm not sure how to BE Eileta-One again. And Dinobots have been taking care of me, and now I want to take care of them." She said, matter-of-factly.

"Wazzp izz almost better too~!" The green guy smiled. "Bumblebot…forgive Wazzp for real?"

"Only if you forgive me, dude."

"…zzweet."

"Wasp!" Optimus raised an optic ridge.

"It's complicated, I guess." Pen shrugged "Deal with it." She slid down some sunglasses over her regular glasses.

"Wazzp stay here to and help Zzpider..I mean…pretty Eileta lady.

Eileta-One blushed. "Thanks, 'Wasp.'"

"Thank BOTH of you." Prowl hobbled off of the boat with his cane. "This place needs to remain secret. The Dinobots need the ABSENCE of outsiders to survive, but I know I can't come here every day. Someone needs to keep an eye on them and make sure no one comes here to provoke more chaos. Someone who KNOWS and UNDERSTANDS them."

"Uh…what?" Kahmleion scratched her head. "Pen, stop ripping off Jurrasic Park ! You even included the stupid, illogical, unintelligible dramatic ending speech by the scientist with the cane!"

"LOL." The teenager shrugged. "We were never logical to begin with."

"You sure you'll be ok?" Optimus looked back at Eileta-One.

"Positive. Get outta here, you!" She smiled, and waved as they all boarded the boat.

Prowl smiled. "It's good to know you're alright, Pen."

"You too, man. Dude, you got MESSED. UP." She said, looking him up and down as she boarded. "I'm DEFINITELY taking paper next time I go…" She turned and leaned over the side of the boat. The foghorn sounded and the barge started to pull off. "BYE, SWOOP! I'LL NEVER FORGET YOU! WASP, GET SOME THERAPY and EILITA-ONE, GET A GRIP~!" She smiled as she and the rest of the team waved. The minions shortly glomped their mistress, still not over the fact that she'd been away from them for two weeks.

The dinobots and their new 'caretakers' waved from the shore. Both parties shared farewell until they could no longer see each other for the distance. It'd been once heck of a dramatic, mary-sue chapter. They'd done a lot, and now they were dog tired. Pen fell asleep on the boat ride home in Joey's arms, the adrenaline-fueled lack of sleep finally catching up to her. There was a smile on her face as her minions huddled up to her and they all floated back to the shore and transformed and rolled out back to Detroit.

DRAMATIC END CHAPTER 6!

* * *

><p>Get ready for the birthday of your life, Clive.<p>

Next, on an all-new chapter of Poof Chronicles 2: the Dorkcepticons:

It's Clive's birthday, and Team PaperWyngz and the Autbots are abuzz in preparations. However, they're not the only ones.

With Megatron and Reala working together, you just KNOW it's bad news. Soon, Pen finds herself alone and in true mortal peril once again, but she's proven she can take care of herself…right?

Can she work her mary-sue main character magic, or will she be offed-or worse, handed over to her evil ex!

Why the heck am I asking YOU all this?

Coming Soon:

Poof Chronciles 2: The Dorkcepticons: Grand Finale

Race for the Finish


	7. Chapter 7

Note: Due to my improper planning, the event aforementioned in the preview at the end of chapter six, the 'birthday boy' has changed.

* * *

><p>Poof Chronicles 2: The Dorkcepticons<p>

Chapter 7: Race for the Finish

* * *

><p>Twas morning is Detroit, and in a plant<p>

Four teens and two plushies got read to chant.

One bespectacled girl was eager long before for this day, that with a BANG BANG BANG,

The sleeping ninja bot was awakened from recharge with a start, and his processor rang, rang, RANG.

"AUGH!" Prowl sprang up into seated position on his berth, panting, and looked at the scene before him.

Pen was holding up a wok and a ladel with a HUGE smile on her face. This expression was matched by all those present besides perhaps Kahemelion, who was sipping some Dr. Pepper, and half-awake due to being woken so early by her nutcase friend.

"Get up, motorhead!" Sari shoved Prowl in the arm. "You don't wanna miss your own birthday!"

"Birthday?" Prowl raised an optic ridge. He'd just been revived a few months ago through time travel dues ex machina bull-crappery. He hadn't even EXPECTED to have another construction date!

"Is there an echo in here?" Pen pushed up her glasses. "Come on, get your bumper up! WHOO~!" She ran off with Phantom and Thing, the three of them shouting and carrying on while she banged on the wok. "EVERYBODY UP! LET'S GET READY FOR SOME CAKE~! WHOO!"

Clive ran after here. "YOU OUTTA YOU'RE BLOOMIN' MIND! KEEP QUIET!" …ironic, no?

Sari took Prowl by the hand and got him out of berth, and soon they were both headed out the door into the living room. Kahmelion dragged her feet behind.

* * *

><p>"WHAT'S ALL THE COMMOTION ABOUT IN HERE!" Ratchet groggily yelled as he entered the room. The other autobots soon followed. The teens must've been up all night preparing!<p>

The plant was decked-out. ALL the stops were pulled out. Balloons, streamers, party hats, the works-not to mention all bought at Hogsmead and Diagon Alley- and heck, there were even fireworks in the TOILET.

Pen went into the little kitchenette the minions had installed somewhere between chapters 3 and 4. "Who wants breakfast~!" The nerd sang out all chipper and crap. "Ok, so we've got pancakes for the organics-techno or otherwise- and some hi-grade for the awesome-bots."

"Pancakes we spent hours slaving over and hi-grade we had to mortgage a small part of Glow Forest to afford enough of." Kahmelion added.

"KAHMELION!" Clive hissed. "It's not polite to say that!"

Sari dodged a wayward firecracker. "Let's just eat already! I'm starving!" she laughed.

"Let's get this party START-ED~!" And so Pen rushed to get all the plates. Less than a second later,

a CAGE dropped down from the ceiling, right on top of where she'd been standing. Everyone in the room jumped. Pen emerged from the kitchenette soon after, plates and barrels piled high on either her arms or being floated around by paper. "So, who all's hungry?"

"…Pen…" Bumblebee pointed at the metal cage. "…is…THAT part of the decorations?"

The girl paused and stared at the object, her eyes drifting up to the ceiling, and back. "Hm…no, the dungeon theme wasn't supposed to be until the Halloween Haunted House Party…and we didn't really plan to stay that long. Ah, well, my bad~!" And so she went to set the table.

* * *

><p>They all laughed and joked and carried on nearing the end of the day. "And so I told him…I told him: THIS is the punchline, for ya!" Pen broke out, banging her fist on the table and everything.<p>

They all erupted in more laughter.

"Ok, ok, I think the birthday chap should tell one!" Clive raised his glass.

"Um…" Prowl pulled down his pointy, colorful hat. "I don't really know any good jokes…"

"Come on, man!" Pen and Sari pulled their seats up to the ninja bot and stood up. "You gotta know at least ONE. JOKE, JOKE, JOKE, JOKE!"

"Ok, fine…" the ninja-bot paused. "Did you hear about the samurai who got his left arm and left leg cut off?"

…

"Don't worry, he's all right now."

They all chuckled. Bumblebee brushed some of the confetti constantly bursting everywhere off his shoulder. "Hey, that was actually pretty good. Maybe next time you can step up to a knock-knock funny!"

Sari bonked him in the back of the head.

"OW! HEY! What was that for?"

Prowl chuckled. "You know, this has been a pretty nice day."

"_Pretty nice_?" Pen rolled her eyes. "P-SHAW! We went to the zoo/amusement park/history museum/ Japanese themed NIGHT CLUB."

"And then YOU let all the animals out." Kahmelion reminded her.

"You KNOW it was fun to ride a rhinocerous."

"I admit, it was some of the most fun I've had in ages." Prowl once again lowered his hat.

"Oh, come on~!" Sari poked him in the face. "You loved it~!"

"It was…very nice…" the ghost of a smile crept on his face.

Pen joined in with Sari, not letting up. "yaloved yalovedit yalovedit yalovedit yalovedit-"

"Come on, give me some space!"

"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOH~! You LOOOOOOOVED it~!" They both stood up again.

"Alright, alright!" He shouted over their voices. "It WAS a pretty awesome construction date." He couldn't hide the smile anymore. "You know, I don't really like people making a huge fuss over it…but it was very nice of you to throw this for me. Oh, and thanks for all the gifts." He held up a wakizashi tied with a big, orange bow, and a new set of shuriken, all among other things.

"Hey, GUYS!" Bulkhead called from over by the garage door. The all looked out to see it was night once again. "It's finally dark enough for the surprise~!"

"Well, don't give it away, Bulkster!" Bumblebee ran out onto the streets. "C'mon! It's time!"

"Yea-uh!" Pen grabbed Thing and bolted for the door as well. "Kahmelion, get the cakes! Sari, get the birthday bot! Phantom, help me get this junk set up!" She dashed out just as one of those weighted rope things shot out from somewhere off-screen and missed her by a mile.

"...is it just me, or is something weird going on lately?" Optimus surveyed the room. Everywhere where Pen had been at any time during the day, there was some sort of anvil, net, cage, or other general type of trap set off with no quarry inside it as if it had BARELY missed.

"hm…" Pen popped her head back in for a second. "…nope~!" Then went right back to the 'surprise.'

In a few seconds, Prowl found himself blindfolded and being led through the room by his techno-organic friend.

"What the slag is-"

"HEY! Don't you DARE take that off!" He could hear Sari's voice. "Kahmleion, you got the two cakes?"

"As you might say in THIS universe, 'go to the scrapheap.'"

"Good~! Come on, mister fuss-pants."

Prowl stumbled blindly after her. As soon as he was outside, all of them hushed, whispering. Prowl caught a few repeated words: "He's gonna be so PSYCHED."

"Alright, you can take it off." Sari said.

The ninja bot removed the covering, and came face-to-face with a smiling bunch of all his friends and a large cube of energon, decked with oil 'icing' written out to spell "Happy Slaggin' Construction Date, Ninja-Bot!" topped with a candle in each corner.

"We didn't have ANY idea how old you were." Kahmleion shrugged. "But we were SURE it was WAAAAAY too much than would fit. I just put them on symmetrically before Pen torched 'em with the flamethrower."

"Well…this is…really nice…Thank you."

"Alright, you ready for the 'surprise?'" Bumblebee called to Sari, who was standing at the base of the plant. "FIRE IN THE HOLE!"

Sari called up to the roof, where Bulkhead was. "FIRE IN THE HOLE!"

Bulkhead held of a particularly large firecracker, a familiar idiot strapping on her helmet and flight goggles as she and minions sat on it, like they were about to ride it like a rocket. "Pen, you ready?"

"Trio ready for takeoff, dude!" She gave him the thumbs-up, then hung on tight.

"FIRE IN THE HOLE!" And so he pulled back, letting the fuse touch the fire he'd lit temporarily up there, and then released the explosive as she and her minions launched into the night sky.

* * *

><p>Pen looked back over her shoulder. "WHOO! Pass me a few of those pyrotechnics!" She shouted over her shoulder at Phantom as she steered the firecracker through the air.<p>

"We're gonna need about 18 Screamin' Petes and 5 Boom-Shaka-Laka Bobs." The gothic rabbit-lookin' plushie called back to the plushie with the drawstring head. His partner obliged and dispensed the materials, then they passed them back up to their mistress.

"Alright, get ready for a bumpy ride!" She took a few fireworks and threw them out over the buildings, manipulating the paper in them to make sure they stayed in certain formations and didn't drop onto the buildings or the ground. "Flamethrower!" The item was passed up to her. She pulled the trigger and FWOOOOSH!

The sky was lit up.

Everyone below- including the birthday bot- watched the skies with awe. Even RATCHET was fairly impressed by the display. Pen was an artist in more ways than one.

"Yep…" Kahmelion took a sip of Dr. Pepper with her cake. "You never cease to amaze me, my friend…" She shook her head.

Clive turned to Optimus. "Are you sure it's ok to shoot off pyrotechnics in this area?"

"They seem to be taking care of the debris, and keeping it high enough so it doesn't harm any buildings or people…" He remarked. "Also, we told Fanzone he could come over and have some cake if he let us."

The police chief waved over from where he was eating some of the goods with Professor Sumdak. "Good cake, too. What's you girls' secret?"

"Souls." Kahmelion flipped a page in her book.

He spit out his cake in surprise.

"Kidding~!" she cracked. "or AM I?"

The watched the fireworks display. Pen sure knew how to get creative with the pyrotechnics. There were blooming flowers, dancing bugs, swirls, and they even used the lights to display scenes of sword play or shuriken as they spun and flew across the sky. The show was a huge spectacle as it wore on for hours. It ended with a flashing Autobot symbol and a crane flying through, the symbol disapating as they all 'oohed' and 'aaaahed.'

* * *

><p>"HAHAHA!" Pen laughed heartily as she threw her hands up in the air.<p>

"Uh, mistress?" Phantom clung to her waist.

Thing held onto Phantom's waist. "How do we get down from here safely?"

"We don't~!" She replied, smiling as all get-out. Just then, the fuse stopped sparking. It had RUN OUT.

KABOOM!

Ok, THAT was the finale. With that huge burst of sky-filling color, for a moment that night it was as bright as day. Pen and her minions, soot-covered, hurtled towards the earth, screaming their lungs out. Two out of fear, one out of joy.

* * *

><p>"WOW!" Sari looked on. "That was the best fireworks display EVER!" She pumped her fist in the air, and then started clapping, starting everyone else in the uproar.<p>

Prowl smiled probably the widest he'd ever in his entire life. "That…that WAS amazing! I LOVED it!" he clapped. "…where are Pen and the minions?"

"whoooooo-"

"You hear that?" Bumblebee looked up

"ooooooo-"

"I GOT HER!" Bulkhead jumped down from the roof and held out his hand ready to catch the falling crazies.

"OOOOOOOOO-OOF!" Pen landed, right in Prowl's arms. Phantom and Thing soon fell on top of her. They were ALL covered in soot and smelled like sulfur and gunpowder. The teenager took off her goggles and wiped them off. "Well… was that great, REALLY great, or really REALLY super-great~?"

"It was amazing." The Ninja-bot set her and her plushies down. "Best construction date ever."

"BOOM, SHAKA-LAKA~!" She gave him a fistbump. "You know…I may not have known you for that long, but this has seriously been a GREAT time knowing you. You're a great ninja sensei, and you're an even better guy. I know if I ever needed help in a fight, you'd be one of the first people I'd call. If I ever wanted to have a great time…you'd still be on that list. That's why we all pulled together to throw you this party."

"Yeah." Sari spoke up next. "We all appreciate you a lot. Right guys?"

"Whoot~!" Kahmelion and Clive called half-heartedly from their canned drinks….eh, they meant well.

Prowl was touched. "Well…that's very kind…I'm…glad to have such friends."

"Hey, I know I'M glad to have people to put up with me and save my sorry butt in a fight." Pen finished putting the rest of her smelly, dirty flight gear into Thing's head, revealing her fresh, clean clothes.

"…Well-put, Pen." He laughed, rumpling her hair

* * *

><p>The group filed back in after it was all over, getting ready for sleep-or sleep MODE in some cases- and Pen and her minions were the last left outside, still cleaning up the fallen firework debris.<p>

"Pen!" Kahmelion called back over her shoulder as she was walking into the garage door. "Don't stay out too long, there's all KINDS of wierdos out at this hour."

"Well, here's THREE wierdos right here~!" She picked up another firework and high-fived Phantom and Thing.

"Not YOUR kind of weirdo." Kahmelion finally went in.

Pen picked up the last three charred bits of soot-covered sulfur-and-gunpoweder-smelling junk. "Well, I think that's everything." She wiped the sweat from her brow, unintentionally smearing a bunch of soot on her forehead.

"Here, let me, mistress." Phantom took his long ear and wiped it off. "Also, it looks like there's still some left over there across the street."

Pen sighed. "Do we HAVE to? Like Kahmelion said, there's all KINDS of wierdos, and I wanna go get some shut-eye already."

"We have to clean up after ourselves, mistress." Thing said. "Besides, if we wait until morning, you'll just forget." He and Phantom left her to clean as they went inside to help clean up the stuff inside.

The teenager trudged across the street, watching for whatever the heck kind of car would be out at this hour, and got the bits that had fallen from the fireworks display.

As she got up to go back across to the plant, a pair of high-beams shone RIGHT in here eyes from down the street a ways. The car was too close, and going to fast for her to beat it, and she didn't want to take her chances across the road anyway HALF-BLIND, so she just waited at the sidewalk for it to pass.

However, that never happened. Just when she thought it was going to pass, it slowed to a halt. She stepped back. Something was familiar about that car…spikes…green and black paint job…uh-oh. The driver's side door opened.

She ran for her friggin' LIFE.

He feet hit the ground rapidly, adrenaline kicking in and telling her to get the heck outta there. The muscle car followed close behind, and she wondered how in the world she was able to run faster than it. She sucked at running, but gee, must've forgotten that being CHASED.

* * *

><p>She kept cutting sharp corners, hoping to throw it off, but the vehicle turned on a dime. Turning and running back the way she'd come didn't help either. It was just as good driving backwards until it was able to turn around. There was only one option left. She didn't want to risk running into a store. She'd be trapped-for one thing- and she doubted a glass storefront would stop the individual after her.<p>

Pen was coming up on a narrow opening between two buildings. It was JUST big enough for her to get through, and WAY too small for a muscle car-let alone a giant robot.

She took her chance, and darted through it. Glancing back over her shoulder, she saw the vehicle slow down and stop, as if it was looking into the alleyway, but passed.

She'd lost him. Pen stopped for a second to rest. Panting, she caught her breath.

"Man…that was TOO close…" she walked through the maze of alleys for a while. After a while, she found a place she recognized as being close to the plant.

Walking out, she felt a sense of dread. It was probably due to the high-beams behind her. She turned slowly as she came face-to-face with doom.

The muscle car sped towards her. She held up her hands and screamed as it passed, temporarily untransforming as arm and yanking her inside, the door slamming shut and speeding away.

* * *

><p>"OOF!" She hit the back seat. "Aw…man…alright, what the HECK are you doing! WHERE are we going! WHY are you kidnapping me!"<p>

"You forgot ONE cliché, darlin'." A cold, husky voice buzzed in the inside of the car. "'WHO are you!'" He cried in mock fear.

"I already KNOW who YOU are!"

"Hm…looks like my reputation preceeds my name…"

"You got THAT right~!" Pen grinned. "By the way, when we're done with this cliché damsel in distress thing, do you think I could get an autograph, Lockdown?"

"…you are one SERIOUSLY messed-up quarry…"

"Oh!" She snapped out of her daze, remembering she was supposed to be scared/angry. "Right, what the HECK is up with this!"

"Oh, you'll see, darlin'. Just sit back and enjoy the ride."

"How the heck am I supposed to ENJOY being kid-"

BONK! A large metal object dropped down from the roof and hit her square in the back of her noggin.

"….Wenn Sie mochten, um einen Anruf zu machen, bitte liegen Sie auf und versuchen Sie es erneut…" and she fell back onto the seat and was out like a light.

* * *

><p>When Pen woke up, she observed a few things.<p>

One: her face was starting to get serious burn from being dragged across the floor- very filthy dirt floor she might add.

Two: she was tied up with those crushy bandage things and was being dragged at the end of that very rope.

Three: she couldn't even scream because her mouth was covered by the stuff as well.

She tried to get out of her bonds, only to feel them tighten. Crap. She should've remembered that mod. The bounty hunter felt to motion at the end of his lead and looked over his shoulder.

"You're up? Sorry about the lump on your head."

True, Pen could feel quite a throbbing in the back of her head. "MRPH m-m MRPH m-MRPH!"

"You talk too much. Figured I'd fix that situation."

They neared the heart of the abandoned mines. Pen tried to look and see what was going on. Computers everywhere, and a familiar hoard of giant robots staring at her as she was being dragged. It was Decepticon base. The place where an evil warlord colossus plotted with his evil henchmen and had-as of late- received many prank calls from her and her friends. Her eyes widened, and then she was whipped out in front, thrown across the room and landed with a sickening crack of possibly every bone in her body at the foot of a large, makeshift throne. Pen found herself looking up into the optics of Megatron. The red optics bore holes into her skull, and a red-and-black figure floated up next to the Decepticon leader's shoulder. Pen stared at the nightmaren with fire in her eyes.

"Well, when he delivers, he really DELIVERS." Reala said to Megatron.

"Yes." The titan replied. "You've done well to bring me a single, defenseless, helpless human, Lockdown. Take your pay from Thundercracker and get the slag out of my sight."

The bounty hunter grumbled something as he walked out, leaving Pen to try and sit herself upright, but the movement causing the bonds to tighten even more. It was getting hard to breath.

Reala laughed. "May I remove that horrid 'duct tape' for something a bit more comfortable for our 'guest,' Megatron?"

"She'll be of little use to us with her squishy, organic insides spewed all over the place." Megatron replied, waving him forward. Ok, that was pretty graphic… Pen just looked at the warlord in a sort of sad disbelief. Not 'sad' as in SHE was sad, 'sad' as in: 'man, that is just SAD.'

The nightmaren floated down and used his claw-like fingers to cut the material. Immediately after he had, she jumped up and punched him in his sparkly little FACE, sending him careening back past Megatron so that he hit the back wall, clutching his nose.

She made a break for it, shooting for the door, but was stopped by a huge metal foot stomping down right in front of her. A large hand picked her up by the back of her shirt, and she was kicking as she was being picked up off the floor.

"Ah~! Hallo, little madchen~!" Random Blitzwing examined the little human in his hand. "Leaving so soon? You'll miss the fun~!"

"Look, dude." She paused, still kicking. "lassen Sie mich gehen, und es gibt eine Gruppe von cupcakes in das fur dich."

"Sprechst du Deutch?" The decepticon changed back to icy mode.

"Ja~! Tanzen du gern~?" She smilled, hands on her hips.

"Ist eine Decepticon violet?"

He set her down and they kicked up their heels.

"Seine ...

super caja fraga listic expi ali docious!

Auch wenn der Klang ist etwas ganz grauenhaft

Wenn Sie es sagen, laut genug, Sie klingen immer frühreifer

super caja fraga listic epi ali docious!"

"ENOUGH!" Megatron called from his seat, and the two snapped out of it. Blitzwing from random back to icy mode, Pen to….Pen.

"Oh! Sorry 'bout that." Pen nudged Blitzwing in the leg. He picked her up again.

"Blitzwing, throw the prisoner in the holding block. Make sure she doesn't get out until it's time."

"Time for what?" Pen raised an eyebrow as she hung by her shirt and was escorted into another tunnel of the mine.

"Oh, you'll see, dear." Reala chuckled. Well THAT didn't sound creepy at all.

* * *

><p>Blitzwing tossed her into the cell, and then activated that really cool plasma wall that you see in sci-fi all the time.<p>

"Cooooooool…" so naturally, Pen had to try and touch it. "This is a pretty sweet cell…"

Blitzwing switched back to icy mode and set the code. 'Zis iz an anti-organic shield. Anyzing vith technological makeup can pass in and out vith ease. Anything vith biologicall makeup is ztuck on vhatever zide they vere on to begin vith. And, even of szomevone tried to rescue you from ze outside, ze code is changed daily. Ze valls on either zide of you and behind you are over a mile thick. Don't try tunneling."

"A'ight." She sat down and kicked back, leaning against the back wall. She checked her watch. "Midnight, huh? Mind if I get a snack?"

He switched to rage mode. "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND, PATHETIC ORGANIC!"

"Yeesh, hurtful…and LOUD." She held her fingers in here ears.

"YOU ARE ALONE IN HERE! NOBODY CAN ZAVE YOU!"

"Say it, don't spray it…and save me from WHAT exactly?"

He switched back to random. "I can't spoil ze zuprise~! HAHAHAHA~!" And he walked away.

* * *

><p>When he got in the main room, Megatron was recharging, and Reala sat on the computers, appearing to be asleep as well.<p>

Blitzwing tip-toed up to the others. Lugnut was standing at Megatron's side, like some sort of colossal watchdog, the Seekers were playing cards, Shockwave was trying to do something on the computers and was getting irritated at Reala's butt blocking things, and Swindle and Lockdown were shooting the breeze.

"Hey…fellas?"

"What is it, you insect!" Thundercracker looked up from his hand. "I was winning this game when you showed up!"

"Zhere's zomezing ztrange about zis prisoner. You vant to check it out?"

"S-strange?" Skywarp spoke up. "L-like…h-how strange is it? Does it bite?"

Blitzwing switched to rage mode. "Ach, NEIN! It's like she'z not even zcared in ze zlightest! Ze brat even asked me for a ZNACK lie zome zort of butler!"

"HA! That's a good title for you, insect!" Thundercracker just didn't know when to shut up. Blitzwing punched him in the face, knocking him to the ground.

"Oh, NO! You deserve much MORE respect than that, mighty Blitzwing!" Sunstorm oozed false airs. "Mighty and Strong, yet cold and calculating."

Blitzwing changed back to icy mode and facepalmed. "Vill you just shut up already and follow me?"

* * *

><p>Pen had crashed out on the dirt floor. After all, it was incredibly late and the adrenaline had worn off. At the sound of crashing footfall, she snapped out of her sleep. "Dude, tryin' to get some shut-eye, here."<p>

"You have visitors, little organic." The seekers all stared at her.

She stood up and bowed to her 'guests.' "Well, hello there~!" She walked to the front of the cell and leaned on the wall. "So, you bring me that midnight snack or what?"

"You will address me with RESPECT, SCUM!" Thundercracker squatted down and yelled in her face.

She kept a straight face, not even flinching as her hair was blown back. "…so, I'm guessing that's a 'no?'"

"You zee?" (random)Blitzwing did the whole finger swirl thing by his head. "Zomevun's not all zhere~!"

"she's freakin' me out…" Skywarp hid behind Slipstream. She glared, but then got a miscevious look in her eye.

"Here, Skywarp. Why don't you go say HI!" And so she shoved him through the sci-fi anti-organic wall.

"YEAUGH!" he fell flat on his face, and found himself face-to-face with the teenager.

"Yo, wazzup?" She smiled warmly.

He yelped and shot up, pressed against the wall. "D…don't come any closer!" He held his trembling pulsar cannon in front. "D-d-don't make me use this!"

"MAAAaaaaaayn, what's the problem?" She approached him, putting a reassuring hand on his leg. This only caused him to shoot up to the roof.

"DON'T SPIT ACID ON ME OR WHATEVER YOU ORGANICS DO!"

She paused for a bit. "…YOU…a humongous robot with deadly pulsar canons…are afraid of ME, a human about as big as maybe your FOREARM with NO means to defend herself right now…" She burst out laughing. The other decepticons soon followed. She was rolling on the floor and banging her fists on it.

"S…stop laughing!" poor Skywarp turned bright red and trudged out of the cell, head hung low and ashamed.

"Don't worry." Ramjet gave him a pat on the shoulder. "I still think you're cool."

This only darkened his mood.

Pen got up and composed herself, wiping her eyes. "Ok, ok, sorry for laughing…but that's just adorable!" She was still snickering. "Sorry, Skywarp."

"Oh, brilliant joke, organic!" Sunstorm looked down at here with interested optics.

Blitzwing switched back to random. "Oh, VERY amusing~!" He clapped. "Do you have any MORE entertaining qualities?"

"Oh, you bring me here to amuse you?" She put her hands on her hips. "A'ight…here's something:

Watermelon watermelon watermelon

SPIT!

We think your team's full of-

SHIFT to the left, SHIFT to the right!

Stand up, sit down, FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!"

The all chuckled.

"Do you do impressions?"

"Yeah, a few. Who do you want to hear?"

"That slaghead Optimus Prime." Slipstream put her hands on her hips. "Your leader, little miss."

"Hm…that's a tough one…and I don't really wanna dis him, but I can try" Pen scratchet her head, then put on a stern face. " I am OPTIMUS PRIME! Can I AXE you a question?" They all laughed. "Decepticons will fear me and my girly lipstick! Transform and Roll Out!"

"Now that OTHER guy…uh…he's blue, I think?" One of the seekers called.

"BLAH BLAH BLAH Bombastic blah blah blah I'm awesome, decepticons beware blah blah blah my chin is MIGHTY! SPOOOOOON!" Pen stuck out her jaw.

The decepticons collapsed in laughter.

"Hold on, I can do a Wasp impression DEAD-ON!" She turned her eyes all angsty and stuff. "Wazzp FIND Bumblebooot….Wazzp hunt down and KILL!"

"Oh slag…" Lockdown doubled over. "That sounded JUST like the little slagger…"

"Oh! Wait!" Pen smiled.

They were actually starting to like this organic. "What is it?" Icy Blitzwing faced her.

Pen put on her darkest face ever and puffed her chest out, speaking in a low, gravely voice. "All hail to me. I will destroy everything! ALL shall fear me, Lord Megatron!"

They all fell over themselves. She was KILLIN' this crowd.

"Huh? Am I right?"

All went silent immediately. Standing right behind them was the warlord himself, and he was FAR from amused. Reala floated above his shoulder.

Pen started singing the Darth Vader theme. "Dumb Dumb dumb,

Dumb du-dumb, dumb du-dumb~

Meg-a-tron is dumb, dumb du-dumb~!"

"I see we have a nice little 'party' going on here." Megatron glared at here, optics full of hate. It had little effect on her. "I see you think you can manipulate my mechs?"

"Dunno about that." Pen rolled her eyes. "We were just having a good laugh and tall, dark, and ugly showed up" She scratched the back of her head. "Hey, you wanna tell me exactly why you and my evil ex had me brought here? I'm getting bored and sleepy."

"Do you not realize you are surrounded by superior beings that could end you in a split-click by STEPPING on you?"

"Yeah, kinda gathered it." She studied her nails. "Hey, where's the bathroom around here?"

"She's a bit…difficult." Reala spoke reassuringly to the Decepticon leader.

"Hello! I said where's the loo?" She spoke a bit louder.

"All of you, back to your posts!" Megatron snapped. "Someone care to volunteer to guard our most amusing 'pet'!"

Lockdown left the room. "I already brought her here."

"I put her in ze CAGE~!" Bliztwing ducked out.

"Not it." Slisptream followed.

"I'll do it~!" Ramjet slipped out.

"I am FAR above lowly criminal guarding!" goodbye Thundercracker.

"Oh, yes, YES you most certainly deserve more, Thundercracker~!" Sunstorm left.

"Ah! W-wait! You're not going to leave me in here with-"

"That's EXACTLY what I intend to do" the decepticon leader just shoved him back and left. "Make SURE she stays put."

* * *

><p>Pen yawned and rolled over, back to the front of the cell. "Man, there's so much DIRT." She stared at the back wall. "Might as well find SOME way out of here…" She thought over her options. Tunneling was not an option. She couldn't run out of the anti-orgnaic shield. She could try faking sick or dead, but then they might just burn the body…<p>

"Hey!" She yelled at her 'guard.'

"Yeep!" He jumped. "W-what is it?" he timidly looked into the cells.

"I STILL have to go to the bathroom."

"J…just dig a hole or something in there!"

"Dude, I can't do my business in a CAVE with you guys around! Plus, I'll die without fresh air or something."

"I…I'm under strict orders to keep you in here….j-just go to sleep!"

"Can't. Got a full bladder. Just take me on a leash or something."

"….alright, just for a little while. You pets like to mark your territory on trees, right?"

"Uh…sure…" She rolled her eyes. "Just get me out to use the can or I'll spit acid on your or something."

Skywarp had snuck her past the recharging decepticons on, yes, a leash, and out of the mine. It was pitch black outside. They went into the trees and he tied on end of her rope to a high branch.

"a…aright. I'll wait over there…j-just call me when you're done." And he got the heck out of her sight.

Pen checked her jeans pockets. "Let's see….cell phone…cell phone…cell phone…AHA!" She took out the device. "Thank Goodness decepticons don't know anything about pockets or checking thereof….wow, four bars out here!" She dialed a number. "Come on…pick UP…"

"Keroro Platoon Base, Gero. Sgt. Keroro speaking."

"Keroro?" She whipered. "You there?"

"Yes. Pen, is that you? What's wrong? You sound like you're plotting."

"Ok, dude, I'm in Detroit fifty years in the future."

"Transformers Animated demension, Gero?"

"Yeah…look, I'm at the decepticon's hideout. How fast can you get here?"

A little saucer appeared right behind her.

"….man…now THAT'S fast!" She shook hands with the Keronian. "Never been so glad to have connections. Thanks, dude. I gotta get out of here. Those idiots took me captive for some reason they won't say. You got room on that ufo flyer?"

"You betcha…shouldn't we cut that leash though, first?"

"Yeah, sure. Idiots think I'm some sort of pet."

"Alright." He held up the Kero-ball. "Lazer cutter~!"

A beam of light shot out past them and cut the rope.

"Man, that's some powerful stuff…" Pen remarked.

"uh…not me, gero."

The two looked up at one angry Slipstream.

"Holy crap!"

"YOU MANIPULATIVE LITTLE SNEAK! PRISON BREAK!" She shot her pulsar cannons at them more rapidly.

"HOP ON! Quick!" Keroro and Pen took off, but Slipstream only transformed into jet form and rush forward, cutting them off. They crashed into her fell to the ground.

The femme seeker picked them up in her hand, almost crushing them.

"So…out for a little excursion, are we? Who's your friend?" She spat.

"Eat my shorts, villainess!" Pen turned her head hautily. Keroro just trembled in fear.

* * *

><p>The human and the Keronian hit the floor of the cell HARD.<p>

"Hey, easy!" Pen got up. Keroro shuddered in the corner. They'd destroyed both Pen's cell phone and the Kero-ball.

"Where are we!"

"Decepticon base."

"What do they want with us!"

"Dunno. They still won't tell me."

Megatron walked in, carrying a purple seeker kicking and screaming by the wing. "You little weakling!" He barked.

"Please, Lord Megatron!" Poor guy was at the point of tears. "Not in there! Not with her! PLEASE!"

"You allowed yourself to be tricked by and organic and let our prisoner free! For that, this seems suitable punishment!"

"NOOO!"

Pen and Keroro stood to the side as Skywarp was thrown in with them. He immediately tried to get out again, but was shocked painfully by the wall, causing him to yelp and fall back.

"What! W-what happened!" this just really wasn't Skywarp's day.

"Ve had to set a few more security precautions." Blitzwing glared at them. Funny. Just a few minutes ago she had them in riotous laughter. Now they all looked at Pen like the one organic scum they hated the MOST in the entire universe!

Megatron glared into the enclosure. "I'll have Schockwave discipline the pet tommorow."

"Get zome zleep, organic. You need to look good for your performance tomorrow." And the decepticons walked away.

Skywarp got on his knees and begged. "PLEASE! Get me OUT of here! I'll do anything! I'm SORRY! It won't happen again! PLEASE!"

"Dude, you're giving us BOTH headaches." Pen walked over to him. "And I wish they would stop being so foggy…" she walked to the back of the cell. "I don't supposed YOU could blast your way through all this dirt and rock?"

"B-but that would infuriate Lord Megatron!" He quivered.

"Right, dumb question to ask a patsy, gero." Keroro sat in his corner. "They'll NEVER break the great Sgt. Keroro!"

"Come on, guys, let's get some sleep. It's 3 am." Pen rolled over on her side. "I guess we have to wait and see 'till morning, since I have no paper to break us out of here, and I'm really tired anyway."

"…are you sure you're not going to hurt me?"

"Skywarp, go to recharge or whatever." Pen started to fall asleep, wondering just what the heck would happen next. "Oh, by the way, I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"For humiliating you in front of all them and scaring the crap outta you and getting you into this mess."

* * *

><p>The next morning, the autobots all gathered around the living room.<p>

"So, Prowl? How'd you like your construction date?" Bulkhead lumbered in with some oil.

"It was fantastic. Have you seen Pen anywhere?" The ninja-bot already had Clive and the Minions ready. "We're supposed to have training this morning, but she's not in the plant."

"She may have gone to get the paper." Phantom suggested. "She wasn't there when we woke up…kinda worries me…"

Kahmelion walked in with the mail. "Ok…we got junk mail…magazines…some stuff for Sari…"

The techno-organic collected her correspondance. "Why didn't they just send it to Sumdak towers?" Something fell out from between the envelopes. "Hello…what's this?" She picked it up. It was a movie disk, with a decepticon symbol scribbled hastily over the cover. "…oh slag…"

"The decepticons!" Optimus took the disk. "What do they want!"

"I guess we gotta play the DISK, Sherlock?" Kahmelion popped it into the player.

An image flashed onto the screen. It was Pen. She was behind some sort of…wall? To her left was a familiar frog-like alien, and behind her was a cowering character that looked like a recolored Starscream. Everyone in the room gathered around and gasped. Pen was filthy, with dark bags under her eyes, bruises, and a bleeding nose and lip. She spoke.

"…is it on? A-are we recording? …Hey, guys~! Alright…I've been kidnapped by the Decepticons or whatever. Here's what's going down: alright, so they want to race you guys or something. It'll go from the northernmost point of Michican to the Southernmost point, and the winner takes all. If the decepticons win, then they get complete control over Earth and you guys have to leave. Also, I have to go live with Reala-say hi, dude~!"

The nightmaren floated onscreen for a minute to greet them. "Autobot scum, TeamPaperWyngz scum, nice to see you."

"Alright….and uh…Man, could you guys have written these cue cards a bit CLEARER! She called off-screen. "…oh…ok, man. Geez. Point that canon elsewhere-ah, YEAH! If you win-and they're not banking on it- they will leave forever and let me go. The race is in three days. Today is your first day, the race is on the third. Later~!" And the image clicked off.

They all stood speechless.

It clicked on again. "Oh, and I'm supposed to say 'don't bother looking for me.' They have their signals scrambled…which makes me wonder how I was able to get the call to Keroro out…ah well. See ya in three days~!" She finished, waving a hand that looked oddly like it was burned by electric shock…

To be continued~!


	8. Chapter 8

Poof Chronicles: The Dorkcepticons

Chapter 8: Race for the Finish Part 2

* * *

><p>"Yo!" the teenager called from in her cage. "Is it too much to ask for some Chinese takeout or something!" She punched the shockwall with her left hand(carefull not to damage her right hand) and got quite the painful shock. She was getting numb to it. "WE'RE STARVING IN HERE!"<p>

"WHAT is it!" Slipstream yelled as she entered. "Can't you stay quiet for TEN CLICKS?"

"Nope~!" She smiled. "Look, can you get us something to eat? I mean, even ALKATRAZ gave their prisoners food."

"Alka-what now?"

"Nevermind. Look, can you just get us something to eat?" Pen scratched her nose. "Oh, and I think Skywarp's a little fragged. He's been sitting there in the corner rocking back and forth in fetal position all morning."

Skywarp stormed out of the room. The NERVE of that little squishy flesh-bag!

"…so that's a NO to any breakfast, then? Can we at least get some clean water?"

The NERVE!

* * *

><p>Pen drew with her finger in the dirt on the walls. "So…three days of this…starting today…unless the autobots come and save us. Gosh, I don't know what's worse. Being alone on Dinobot island in mortal peril without means to defend myself, or being with a frog and a squirrely robot in a cell in the Decepticons' base without means to defend myself…" She slumped back. "hey Kero?"<p>

"Hm?"

"You wanna try faking sick, so when they let up the shield we make a run for it?"

"That sick prisoner routine still works here? 'Cuz back on Keron it's getting up to DEAD prisoner routine being hard to pull off."

"…how would you know that?" Skywarp looked at the little green thing with the regular terrified look. Then, he glanced over to Pen's wall-art. "What are you drawing?"

"Just doodling…I think they're rabbits."

"…when the Autobots get there, you're not going to…t-turn me IN are you!"

"Depends."

"Meep!"

Blitzwing walked in with a small box and a plastic bottle. "I believe you have requested zis?" he glared into the cell.

"Ah! Hey, thanks man." Pen caught the items as they were thrown carelessly in. "You got any soy sauce?"

"ZTOP BEING ZO COCKY, YOU LEETLE ORGANIC PROTOFORM!" He shouted into Pen's face.

"Yeesh…no soy sauce, alright. Hey, you ever try Lo-Mein before?"

"I'm a giant cybertronian robot. I don't eat."

"Yeah, well, technically you don't sweat either, but you STILL manage to put off some SERIOUS B-O, mister." She held her nose. "Seriously, when was the last time you went through the car wash?"

"Oh, only eight hundred yearz~! AHAHAHAHAHAHA~!" he switched back to icy mode. "If I'm SO filthy, vhy don't you vipe ze dirt from my bootz yourzelf?"

"Sure, why not?"

"…excuze me?"

"Just give me some soapy water, a mop or two, some rags, some sponges….MAYBE a scrub brush, and heck, you'll be shining like new." She wolfed down some noodles and half the water in the bottle, and then handed it to Keroro.

"…o..k…excuze me for a zec." (random) Blitzwing cracked up and left the room.

"…weirdo." Pen continued drawing on the wall.

* * *

><p>Kahmelion, Clive, and the minions rode inside Bulkhead's carriage. Optimus and the other autobots raced with them to Sentinel's ship. They'd already had Fanzone put out an APB for Pen. They had also met Wreck-Gar on the street to tell him the bad news. Now they had to inform Sentinel.<p>

"MAYBE he'll give a slag." Sari rode inside Bumblebee. "He doesn't like any of US very much. No promises he'll even LISTEN to us about your friend."

"It's not Sentinel so much we're worried about!" Optimus and Kahmleion called to her in unison.

The Autobot leader spoke first. "Jazz and the Jet twins are still our allies."

"AND friends of Pen" Kahmelion added. "So, if we can tell them-"

"-We at least have ¾ of the team on our side."

"Wow…"Clive remarked. "I still can't believe you're doing all this for one of US."

"You guys aren't just our allies!" Bulkhead responded. "You guys are our friends. Besides, it's not like we're actually going to race the Decepticons in ANY of their schemes."

"What!" Bumblebee snapped. "NO RACE!" Everyone glared at him. "Oh…uh…right. NO race. Mary-Sue's more important.

"I can only imagine what kind of torture she's going through…" Prowl reflected.

"WE DON'T WANNA HEAR IT!" Bulkhead and ALL his passengers shouted.

"You SAW how she looked on the video!" Ratchet said. Could it be he was actually WORRIED about her? TWICE in the same fanfiction?

"DON'T WANNA HEAR IT!" They called again.

Sari leaned out the window. "You know…with Pen, I'm honestly almost sorry for the decepticons…"

* * *

><p>"THERE GOES JOHN JACOB DINGLEHEIMERSCHIDT, DA DA DA DA DA DA DA!"<p>

The three sang out, Skywarp timidly clapping his hands in time, trying to get comfortable with a loud organic in the same cell. He wasn't even supposed to BE here!

Reala floated in. "Be a dear and SHUT UP!" He stepped aside as Megatron entered.

"Everyone. All together now~!" Pen and Keroro linked arms. "DUMB DUMB DUMB DUMB Du-DUMB, DUMB DU-DUMB~!

MEG-A-TRONG is DUMB, DUMB, DU-DUMB~!"

"SILENCE!" It was only a night and a morning, and he was already getting fed up with these cretins. Skywarp was edged into the corner with a pitiful look that said 'I'm not with them!' "It has come to my attention that you are displeased with the cleanliness of my troops?" His optic twitched.

"Pft." Pen sat down. "Spoot YEAH. You guys are completely FILTHY. Your joints are rusty, your faces and guns are smudged with soot from firing at Autobots, and you have sludge all down the fronts of you from not wiping after drinking oil! While I'm at it, this place is pretty messy as well. WHEN exactly was the last time you dusted your computers or cleaned that throne?"

Ignoring the fact it was a death wish to be seated in front of him, not standing or bowing or anything, Megatron smirked at her.

"Well, if it's such a FILTHY abode, and if we're such FILTHY hosts, why don't YOU do the cleaning, little slave?"

"…On second though, I think I can live with it…"

"No, I INSIST." Megatron stood back as Shockwave deactivated the wall and snatched Pen and Keroro up, attaching leashes to them. He didn't have to do anything about Skywarp. He just cowered in the corner.

"THIS will be your punishment." The warlord exited the room into the tunnels, his friggin' lapdog Shockwave leading two t'ed-off organics behind him on a leash, IF you could call it that. Pen simply crossed her arms and was dragged back on her bum through the dirt. Keroro was dragged on his face.

* * *

><p>The teenager surveyed the lineup. Megatron sat on his throne with Reala, looking quite smug. Pen mentally noted to herself to restrain herself if she got her hands on a blowtorch.<p>

"Ok…which of you has gone the LONGEST since your last bath?"

The cons all looked at eachother.

"I just had one yesterday~!" Ramjet declared.

"I don't think we've had one at all…" Slipstream checked over her fellow clones. "The idiot just sort of made us and…well, we haven't really had TIME for a wash…"

"Ok." Pen checked over their feet until she found the dullest, dingiest one. "What about you, Lugnut?"

"I spend far too much precious time aiding the glorious Lord Megatron in-"

"Ok, Ok, heard enough." She cut him off right there. "Blitzy's gone 800 years…I'm NOT going to clean Shockwave even if you PAID me…well, warmonger?" She snapped at the 'mighty, glorious leader.'

He glared daggers at her. "I'm not letting you little scums NEAR my person."

"Alright, BE grossly disgusting and disgustingly gross. Where are the cleaning supplies and who goes first?"

Blitzwing set down a large bucket of soapy water(seriously it was the size of a small pool), a pair of pushbrooms, a pair of mops, and a pair of sponges.

"Ok, good…." She looked around. "Who wants to get squeaky clean first~?" She beamed.

Nobody stepped forward. They all looked at the organics with cocked optic ridges like they were wondering just what the heck she was talking about.

Megatron sighed. "If nobody steps forward…_cowards…"_he hissed. "I'll have to volunteer somebody myself."

* * *

><p>And so, Pen found herself on Skywarp's shaking shoulders.<p>

"Alright, man, would you PLEASE try to relax?"

"wh…what are you going to do!"

"Give you a good cleaning….AUGH!" Pen held her nose, dropping the bush-broom. "What is that SMELL!

Keroro caught on. "It's like rancid yak butter, gero!"

"Smell?" Skywarp spoke to them, spraying him with his rank breath.

"Blegh…well, looks like we know our first order of buisnes~!" Pen picked up her push broom/scrub brush, dunked it in the soapy water, and shoved it RIGHT in his mouth.

"whahelu dehlng?" he squeaked thorugh a mouthful of suds.

"Don't talk, it'll mess us up." The girl scrubbed like a thorough toothbrushing. She started at the back of the throat, causing him to gag a little, then worked her way up through the sides and on the 'tongue.' "Lift your tongue, please?"

The decepticon squirmed in his seat. There was an ORGANIC scrubbing in his MOUTH. He never thought he'd ever have to come NEAR an organic! Much less have one craw on him and wash him over. When she was done he spat.

"Eew…." He shuddered. "GROSS!"

"Don't be such a protoform~!" Pen offered a friendly smile-something nobody else ever had to HIM before. "I'll be done quickly and efficiently. Any other problem areas?"

"Well…there's that spot between my wings that I can't reach when I have an itch…"

"Taken care of~!" She hopped up with her froggy friend and started scrubbing.

"You know… I never thought I'd be a slave to the Decepticons…it sucks…" Keroro pouted.

"I never thought I'd be getting a wash from organics…let along anyone talking TO me instead of DOWN at me." Skywarp's face fell.

"Oh, I know. Other guys bully you?" Pen went to the shoulders to continue scrubbing there so she could talk to him. "Been there, done that."

"Yeah…but I…I just…" He got into fetal position.

"I know how you feel." Pen continued washing. "Lift your arm please? Thank you. Anyway-I got scared sometimes at school because…well, I was bullied a lot up until…late middle school."

"Why? You're…nice." The con looked at her, raising an optic ridge.

"It's not that simple for people to like you. I'm the WEIRD, CRAZY one. I was also 'the fat kid' a lot. People made fun of my looks."

"People make fun of my…well…you know…"

"Flight over fight?" She slid down his arm. "Well, the bullies sometimes made me so angry I got sad or so sad I got angry. I wanted to either fight OR flight…either take down the problem or run away from it…something inside me stopped me. I figured- hey, this is how I am. If you don't like it, that's YOUR problem and you can just walk away like I'll walk away from you. Even if I only have ONE friend that outweighs a MILLION people that may make themselves me enemies. I found other ways of venting my emotions and focused on being good on the inside…not just being acceptable to the outside…I'm sorry, I'm rambling~!" She went to the other arm.

"that…that's nice." Skywarp twitched a little. The little green keronian wasn't even paying attention to the conversation. "You…you're really brave, you know?"

"Eh?" She turned around and faced him while she continued scrubbing. "What do you mean?"

"Well, you went through a lot of people bullying you…and you're sorta being bullied right now. You're completely surrounded by a hord of deadly, terrifying…TERRYfying…" he snapped out of his own trembling fit. "Decepticons! You haven't so much as flinched for as long as you've been here. At first I thought you were CRAZY but…"

"You were probably right~!" She danced down and started scrubbing his legs.

"But you're actually…brave…brave like I wish _I_ could be…"

The teenager paused for a minute, goofy smile on her face. "…well, thanks Skywarp~!" She went back to cleaning. "You know…I don't think you're a huge chicken…I think you're adorable and sweet~!"

"Well…thanks…"

"You know…you don't have to be a superhero or something to stand up for yourself." Pen continued. "Why DO you stay here and let Megatron beat you around?"

"He…he…" The decepticon shook once again, causing Keroro to slip and slide off, falling and hitting the floor.

"g…gero…" He rubbed his injured bum.

Pen held her broom out in his face. "LOOK man. This is the life lesson part of the fanfiction. You don't HAVE to do this if you realy don't want to. Do you WANT to live in fear and stay a coward and a whipping boy?"

"It….it's all I know." He shrugged lamely.

She just shoved her push broom-already outstretched- in his face and scrubbed it extra hard.

"Spoot head."

"So much for 'adorable and sweet,' gero?" Keroro smirked at her.

* * *

><p>Pen and Keroro stepped out first.<p>

"Now, presenting to y-!" Pen gagged a little as she tried to go farther than her leash would reach. Looking around the corner, she tugged it. "Oh, come on, man! Get out here!"

Skywarp timidly peeked out from the tunnel.

"LITTLE more. You look GREAT." She said. "Now, I present to you: SKYWARP, femmes and mechs~!"

The seeker stepped into the dim light. Even THAT reflected off of him brighter than a 300-watt.

"He's been scrubbed completely and thoroughly inside AND out, as well as double-waxed." Pen patted his leg.

"I did that last part, Gero~!" Keroro spoke up. The two beamed at their work.

"Well…that certainly is a great difference…" Shockwave looked up.

"You NEXT, Rudolph the two-faced reindeer?" Pen regarded with acid dripping from her voice. Forgetting the fact he attempted to murder one of her favorite characters, she snapped back to her doofus expression. "Seriously, though. Are those antlers?"

"Clearly MY cleanliness is of higher priority." Thundercracker stepped forward. "I'M next."

"But I'M the one who's gone a good 800 stellar cycles~!" Blitzwing raised his hand.

"Oh, and that proves you care about higiene SO much." Slipstream rolled her optics.

"ALL of you! Stop your prattling and bickering at once!" Megatron's voice boomed over them. "You will go in the order I decide. Lugnut, you may go first so I don't have to put up with your offensive stench for so long-"

"YES brilliant Megatron!"

"The seekers will go next in REVERSE ALPHABETICAL order, THEN Blitzwing, Lockdown, Swindle, Shockwave, and lastly myself."

The decepticons all grumbled a bit, but didn't dare argue with him.

"Good…" the warlord looked over to the new pets/slaves "you two get after it. Shockwave, get Skywarp back into the cell."

"Yes, my liege."

"Yes mai leej…" Pen stuck out her lip and mocked him.

* * *

><p>"So." Pen started scrubbing on his head. "You're pretty much the big boss man's dog?"<p>

"It is an HONOR to work closely with the glorious leader!" Lugnut responded with a huff. "YOU ought to be more respectful when regarding Lord Megatron! Are you not OVERJOYED you get the duty of cleaning even the glorious Megatron's feet!"

"Megatron, megatron, megatron…BLARDY blardy BLARG." She flapped her hand in the 'blah blah blah' motion. "He ALL you ever think about? OH! Lift your arm, please."

"Lord Megatron is the most amazing-"

"overgrown, bombastic tin-can I've ever seen." Pen cut him off. "Seriously, man, you have a friggin' FALCON PAWNCH! You could even beat HIM hands-down."

"Are…" He looked at her with that shocked, flabbergasted expression. "Are you suggesting I would BETRAY our glorious leader!"

"I ain't sayin' that. I'm just saying you're a bit of a bumper-kissing patsy and with your skills you have a MUCH wider choice of careers….well, obviously not in THIS dimension, because you're a Decepticon, but other dimensions should be wide-open."

He almost picked her up and threw her against the wall right then and there. "I LIVE to serve Lord Megatron! He is all that we could ever desire!"

"Alright, alright." The teenager rolled her eyes and continued scrubbing. "Can you just use some other word than 'desire?' It makes it sound weird, big guy."

* * *

><p>"Be sure to scrub THOROUGHLY, but don't scratch the paint job!" Thundercracker sat down on the unofficially designated 'salon chair.'<p>

Pen sighed and dunked her push-broom in the bucket, getting started.

"Geeeerooooo….." Keroro seethed, his knuckles turning white as he gripped the broom handle.

"Ich weiss, ich mag ihn auch nicht." Pen continued scrubbing, but you could tell it was hard for her to keep her cool.

"Der kerl ist ein bombasticher Schwein."

"Hey!" She snapped at the Keronian. "Das ist eine Möglichkeit mehr schwere Beleidigung in dieser Sprache, als es in Englisch ist."

"WHAT are you saying?" Thundercracker picked the teenager up by her collar. "WHAT did you two low-lives just call me!"

"Uh…" Pen looked over her shoulder with shifty eyes. "Um…Schwein…he called you Schwein."

"WHAT does that mean?"

"Um…" She bit her own tongue for lying. "It…it means 'great, valiant, powerful warrior.'" She smiled nervously.

"Oh…well then…I must truly be the greatest 'schwein' in the universe." Thundercracker set her back down to continue scrubbing. "Finally, a little repect." He crossed his arms behind his head and leaned back. "Like I said, make sure you insects don't scratch the paint."

"…Sollten wir ihm sagen, wir sind mit dem gleichen Pinsel wir nir auf Lugnut verwendet?" Keroro whispered to her.

"…er ist besser auf wissen nicht."

Blitzwing fell over himself laughing, standing outside the door.

"What?" Thundercracker demanded.

* * *

><p>And here is the time ellapse because the writer was too lazy to do a scene for Sunstreaker. PS: There's not going to be one for Ramjet either.<p>

* * *

><p>"Alright, Slipstream~! Any specific problem areas?"<p>

"Not really." She sighed. "Just get this sludge off." She waved the organic forward.

Pen wasn't sure she liked her. She was acting like some cross between a punk and a valley girl. Either way, she seemed to have a bad attitude every time she saw her. Nevertheless, she needed a good wash.

"So…um…Starscream's clone?" The teenager got to scrubbing. "…what part exactly-"

"I don't want to talk about it." The femme snapped.

"Someone's got a short temper…" Keroro mumbled.

"You wanna go, you little insect!" Slipstream almost got up and slagged the little slagger right there.

Pen dropped her broom. "Wait! Don't mind him!"

Slipstream raised and optic ridge.

"He's…he's just a BOY." Pen rolled her eyes. "They don't understand anything." Nice save.

"Ugh. TELL me about it." Slipstream rolled her optics. "Everyday it's the same thing. Earth Football is on tv, they sit on their afts and chug oil nonstop and leave ME to do all the work."

"I KNOW…by the way, you actually don't have much filth…" Pen remarked.

"That's because I'M the only one who takes care of herself around here. The others just let themselves go to the scraps."

"Well, that's because they just don't see the importance of cleanliness as much…among OTHER things." The teenager reflected back to the piles of dirty laundry in Clive's room back home.

"Yeah, I mean…" Slipstream scoffed. "It's like I'm the only COMPETENT one here! I mean, HOW hard is it to THINK about your attack? You ever wonder who has make most of the calls so they can get their scrap together and do something useful during a battle?" She pointed both thumbs at herself.

"Well, it WAS a scientific study that female brains develope and mature faster than male brains. I guess the same holds true for processors."

"Mature?" Slipstream reflected. "That's one word that's definitely NOT in their vocabulary. Last week, do you know what I caught Swindle with?"

"Oh my gawsh…" Pen stopped scrubbing for a sec and leaned in closer. "What was it?" She giggled.

"Some weird anime slag full of all these high-school femmes."

"…no way…" Pen tried to hold in her laughter.

"WAY."

"Oh my GAWD, you're kidding!"

"Seriously! And THEN he tried to tell me they were for a client!" Slipstream burst out laughing.

"Wait! You know Bumblebee, the guy on my team?"

"Yeah, what about that little scrap?"

"Well…" Pen made sure no one was looking and listening. "A few weeks ago, he SAID he was out for a drive around the town…"

"What?" Slipstream leaned in, interested.

"Sari found out he was going to see this Ferari downtown. She was SO ticked."

The girls broke out again in laughter. Keroro seemed to be the only one still cleaning.

"Yeesh…" The keronian mumbled again under his breath. "It's like a salon. Super over-estrogenized crap. There's a woman talking in a language you don't understand-reference Thundercracker- but keeps making conversation with you anyway, a 'makeover' with all cleaning junk, and these jerks are sitting back in a chair while we wait on them hand and foot. The only thing left is to actually-"

"Oh my gawsh, Slipstream!" Pen looked at the femme's hand. "You have GOT to let me do your nails~! I'm a MEAN artist, I can give you some great decal art."

"…and THERE we go, Gero."

* * *

><p>"Blitzwing~!" Pen jumped up and glomped the decepticon. "How's my favorite D-con?"<p>

He switched to random mode. "Filthy, sludge-covered, and a very pretty pony~!"

"Alirghty then~! Grab a seat, and we'll begin." Pen got her push broom. "So, any place particularly mucked up?"

"My processor~!"

The two laughed. "Alright, man….SHOOOOO-WEEEE!" She exclaimed. "You sure weren't kidding…" She laughed. "At least I can keep track of where I have and haven't scrubbed better."

"Hey, there ARE upsides to being incredibly filthy!" Blitzwing realized. "Hey, would you sing me a song while the scrubbing goes on?"

"Well, if you'll sing with me~!" Pen thought. "Ah…what's a good one…Here we go!" She snapped. "You know Tutti Frutti?"

"Vunabar!" Blitzwing cleared his vocalizer. "Bebobalubabalabamboo-

I gotta girl named Daisy~!" They sang.

"She almost drives me crazy~!

I gotta girl named Daisy~! She almost drives me crazy.

She knows how to love me, yes indeed~!

Boy, ya don't know what she do to me-"

"I'm a GIRL." Pen cut in.

"And I'm a Blitzwing~!"

The two laughed.

"Dude, you have GOT to join me and my friends for video games next weekend!"

"Ah, vill do…hey, you're an artist, right?"

"Heck YEAH she is." Keroro scrubbed the Decepticon's foot.

"You don't zuppoze you could do zome flame decalz?"

"Fire? More like bunny-rabbit snowmen ON fire."

"…Hold on a click…" Blitzwing paused. "Favorite pony:" He prompted

"Pinky Pie."

"Favorite kind of unconventional sandwich?"

"Cheese and jelly."

"Favorite time?"

"Tea time without actually drinking tea."

The two paused.

"Did we just become best friends?" Pen stood there, incredulous.

"You know vhat zis meanz~!" Blitzwing took the organic's hands in his, then they both threw them up.

"GERMAN SPARKLE PARTY~!"

* * *

><p>"Alright, Lockdown, are you ready?" Pen shook a little. Something about this guy was seriously off-putting. Was it the fact he was a ruthless bounty hunter that took anyone dead or alive for a quick buck? Was it the fact he'd killed Yoketron, one of the greatest cyber ninja senseis? Maybe it was the fact that he was the one who'd dragged her here into the Decepticon base full of characters that should either be in the stockade or DEAD.<p>

"Yeah…Hey, be sure to polish the hook when you're done. Also, would you mind retouching this scratch on my face? I like to look good for the lady quarries."

Pen rolled her eyes and got to scrubbing. "You want fries with that?"

"I'd like some fries with that shake." He remarked. She smacked him in the face, only ending up hurting her hand.

"Aw, spoot!" She clutched her righty. "Man, I need this hand to draw with!"

"Should've thoughta that, then." He remarked coolly, getting out a newspaper and started reading it.

"Can we see the funnies when you're done with that, Gero?" Keroro looked over the top of the page at him.

"It's not the Sunday times. This is the bounty roster."

"So…like a bulletin as to who's got what on their head and why?" Pen scrubbed his shoulder. "Can you lift your arm, please?"

"You catch on fast." He grinned.

"Uh…yeah." She continued scrubbing, trying not to look him in the optics.

Keroro hummed his own theme song while he continued with the boots. "…why are you two different shoe sizes, gero?"

"Keroro!" Pen hissed, indicating she did NOT want to go into this discussion. Lockdown, however, wouldn't miss an opportunity to brag.

"Well, if you must know." He started. "You know I'm a top bounty hunter, right?"

"Yes, Pen told me."

"Well, here's the deal. I have to upgrade myself for new quarry so I can STAY the top bounty hunter. I take the best mods from the bots I capture and graft them onto myself." He held up his hook.

"…so why the hook? If you're supposed to be bettering yourself, isn't that a bit counter-intuitive?"

"Oh, would you look at that!" Pen interrupted. "We're low on suds! Keroro, would you mind going and asking for some more soap for the water?"

"Why can't you-"

Her stare indicated it was time for him to shut up and go.

"…I'll get right on that, gero." And so he flopped out of the room.

Lockdown looked over his shoulder at the organic teen now scrubbing his back. "Well, if you wanted to be alone you could've just asked."

"…I'm going to ignore that because I don't want to risk breaking my hand." She glared daggers at him. The Decepticon just laughed.

"I'm just messin' with ya." He chuckled. "I must say, you're one of the feistiest quarries I've ever had."

"Do you really mean that, or are you just flirting?"

"Can't I do both?"

She sighed. "Shut up and read your paper." She scrubbed him hard in the face….gosh, that sounded so weak…

He laughed. "Don't forget the hook and the scratch."

* * *

><p>"Swindle~!" Pen shook the decepticon's hand. "You know, we have GOT to stop meeting under these kind of circumstances."<p>

He sat down in the chair. "Pen, one of my best connections! Don't know how I'd get across dimensions for the kind of business you and your acquaintances give me otherwise."

"Oh, stop." She blushed. "So, any specific areas you want me to get? I also do paint job touch-ups and decals."

"OOoooh." The arms dealer thought a bit. "Nah, I'll just go with a regular cleaning. I can't have a specific decal to point me out to the cops."

"Alright." She soaked her push broom/ scrub brush. "So, looks like my small debt on my last shipment of moon pies can be waved?"

"What? Sorry, can't hear you." He turned up the radio station he had playing on his com link.

"…spoothead."

"Am not."

"So you CAN hear me?"

"What?"

…

* * *

><p>Pen gritted her teeth and clutched the handle of her broom so tightly her knuckles turned white. Through a twisted half-smile half-grimace, voice desperately trying to put forth the usual enthusiasm and happy crap, she spoke up. "Shockwave...so NICE to see you…"<p>

"yes…quite." He acted as if he hardly noticed the two of them in the room. His voice sounded as if he was saying 'oh, were you talking?' and his eye looked as if he was bored out of his mind.

Pen dropped her broom and rushed him, only to be caught in the back of her shirt by Keroro.

"m…maybe I should do the greeting, gero."

Pen stopped, took a deep breath, and counted to ten. "Ok…no, I'm fine…I can do this…So~!" She turned once again to Shockwave. Her voice said sunshine and lollipops, but her twitching eyes said 'I'm gonna tear your face off.' "What can I do for you? Problem areas? Paint jobs touch-ups, paint decals?" Gosh…look at her FACE. This is the scariest she's ever been…thinking back to it, I'd never seen myself like this before…

"Just make sure to watch the prongs." He pointed at his antlers. Pen made a mental note to scratch and ding those things as much as humanly possible.

"…this isn't going to end well, gero…" Keroro got to scrubbing.

* * *

><p>Pen wiped the sweat from her brow. "Well, that took a bit longer than expected, but it looks like everyone's finally clean~!" She put her broom back into the basin of soapy water and dusted off her hands, now covered in calluses. "The double-wax did wonders too. Y'all look great, if I do say so myself."<p>

Truth be told, they did. For one thing, you could actually see what color their paint jobs was supposed to be. For two, the dim light bounced off of them and made it a whole lot brighter in the mines.

"I personally like the new flames~!" Blitzwing showed them all his new 'tattoo.' It was on his upper arms, and when he transformed it would be either on the sides of his tank form or the wings of his jet form.

"I must say…" Lockdown studied his hook. "Not one nick or scrape or anything. You did a good job, little missy." He eyed her cheekily.

Shockwave sat in the corner, reading the paper-more so hiding his face. "…you lot don't WANT to see it…"

Megatron eyed his men -and Slipstream- and was actually quite pleased. Apart from Shockwave, she and her little green friend had done an excellent job quickly and efficiently. The day was starting to wear into the evening, and he was –frankly- tired of smelling his OWN offensive odors.

"You! Human!" he boomed.

Pen didn't turn around to look at the warlord. She didn't even flinch. "NOT MY NAME~!" She sang, scratching her nose. "Address me properly, please."

"Get your bumper over here and get you and your idiotic friend with your cleaning supplies and maybe I won't destroy you." He sang in return. "How was THAT for addressing you, insect?"

Pen shook her head and sighed. "I suppose we'll work on that." She turned and got her broom. "Alright, get your bumper into the chair so we can clean, I guess."

Megatron's patience was wearing incredibly thin with this organic. She never addressed him with even the LEAST bit of respect, let alone showing the slightest amount of fear. Worst of all, he hated how she made him look in front of his mechs. As he was walking, leading her and the Keronian on the leashes back to the room, he could hear them all trying desperately to repress their laughter. Of all the organics on this miserable planet, this one teenager was the one he wanted to waste the most.

* * *

><p>"Alright, Megatron-"<p>

"LORD Megatron." He corrected her.

"Out of your GOURD(if you think I'm going to call you that) Megatron." She began again. "So, anywhere you need me to get specifically? I can also give you a pretty mean decal on your canon…OH! Some purple flame that gradually transformed into a dragon's head would look KILLER on you…"

"Just…clean…the armor…" He glared daggers at her, signally her to shut up. Naturally, Pen failed to take the hint.

"Man, what is WRONG with you." She started scrubbing. "I mean, you're always so death and despair and skulls and killy and junk. Lighten up, losen up, man. Oh, lift your arm, please. Anyway, why do you have to be so uptight? I mean, you're not a freedom fighter at all, you're a friggin' gloom and doom dictator."

"You know nothing of our glorious cause."

"I know enough. Now, y'all have your own right to break away from the Cybertronian government if you don't agree with it and form your OWN government, but that DOESN'T excuse cold-blooded killings and just plain evil. I mean, is this even ABOUT politics?"

"What do YOU understand about politics, young femme?"

"…ok, sexism aside, I'm just sayin'." She continued scrubbing. "It just seems a little…you know…what's the word?...ah, I'll think of it later. Seriously, though, man. What's the problem?"

"Will you SHUT UP! WORTHLESS piece of organic scrap…"

"…is there something you want to talk about?"

"Shut up."

"No, seriously, I'm askin' this." The organic continued. "Sometimes someone to talk to is all ya need."

"SHUT UP. For Primus sake, SHUT UP!"

"The doc is in~!" She sang. Just when the great, evil Decepticon leader seemed he was ready to blow every single fuse he had….

"…when I was 16 I had braces…"

"Good!" Pen patted him on the shoulder. "Just let it ALL out. You're in good hands."

* * *

><p>The Decepticons just shot crap in the main room. Reala sat on the arm of Megatron's colossal throne, waiting for it to be over.<p>

He sighed. He seriously hoped Pen didn't annoy the warlord TOO much. After all, if they were to win the race, he was to win her. That wouldn't have much of a point if she ended up a greasy scorch mark on the ground. Once again he thought to the girl's gothic phase, which had lead into a villainess phase which had eventually lead to HIM. Ah, memories. A shame she had to be Christian…but honestly it made her all the better to him. He couldn't wait to collect his prize after the events FINALLY were over with and 'slag' that idiot Megatron and ALL of those Autobots.

Loud, booming footfalls came from down the tunnel, shaking him from his thoughts. Pen's own footfalls spooked him-being a Nightmaren and therefore living in a realm where people's feel didn't HAVE to touch the ground, but these giant robots just irritated him to no end. Sutpid 'LORD.' He was a PRINCE, thank you very much.

The warlord said nothing. He just…stared, blankly, as if he wasn't looking at anything…just…himself, at a distance. He held the leashes of the organics out, to no one in particular, not saying anything. The Decepticons fell silent.

"Well, how did I do with the cleaning?" She said, not getting the tension in the air. "I even got that dent out in his kneecap, and retouched that nasty scratch on his left butt cheek~!"

The all turned their gaze from Megatron and stared at her….um, yeah. Ya just made it MORE awkward. But, in truth, she was just diverting the attention from the Warlord. She didn't like evil guys, but she wasn't heartless and she could tell he needed some time and some space.

Swindle took the leashes and lead the organics back to the holding block.

* * *

><p>The organic looked over her shoulder to make sure nobody else was in the room.<p>

"Hey, Swindle?"

"Hm?"

"How'd you like a 'salad' with thousand-island dressing?"

"Eh, no thanks."

"Make that TWO thousand-island dressing?"

"…getting warmer."

"ok, I'll double that. Just get me outta here!"

"4 thousand-island?...make it 5 thousand and you've got a deal. What do you need?"

"I need an escape, if you didn't pick that up!" She whispered.

"Aw, and just when we were all getting so comfortable with eachother…honestly, I've never seen any organic have a different effect than repulsion with these guys…"

"Joking aside, how do you think we can bust me and my friends out of here!"

"Well, I could always just hide you inside in SUV mode, and say I'm going to meet a client. They wouldn't suspect a thing."

"Until they look in my cell while you're out and see that me and my friends aren't there, and put two and two together. I already did that to Skywarp, and I don't want to do it again."

"Alright…I could always sell you this new number I got:" he looked into his storage unit and pulled out what looked like a rifle.

"…ok, what does it do, gero?" Keroro asked, studying the weapon. Even Skywarp was leaning in, getting interested.

"This, my dear frog, has a long, science-babbly name and description that none of you will understand or care to try and remember. Basically, you fire it, and it blasts a hole into whatever's in your way."

"How far?" Pen asked, remembering the walls were a mile thick of dirt and rock.

"It can burn through about 300 feet of matter in one shot." He winked. "That should put a sizable dent in what you need to do."

Skywarp did the math quickly. "…you'd have to fire about 18 times. How many shots does it have?"

"This baby can hold about 30 before needing a reload. I just reloaded it this morning. I had a feeling you'd be ready to make a business proposition like this…however, I'm afraid the hole isn't that big…"

"What do you mean?"

"It was meant to waste bots, not clear paths." Swindle clarified. The hole it blasts would be big enough for you and the frog no sweat…but Skywarp here is up a creek."

Pen looked over her shoulder at her new friend. "I…I can't do that to you…"

"Yes, you can." Skywarp gulped. "I…I-I'll be fine. Y…you just get out. You don't belong here."

"I haven't been here that long, but I can tell YOU don't either!"

"j…just go! You won't get another opportunity like this!" He snapped.

The teenager stared into his optics. "…I'll come back for you. I promise." She turned back to Swindle. "I'll pay you full price when I can contact you again, and I'll mortgage part of Glow Forest if I have to to pay off the rest of my debts to you."

"It's a deal." They shook on it. "If anyone catches you, I had no part in this."

"I found it on the floor in the tunnel randomly." She nodded. "Got it."

The Decepticon lead her back into her cell and shut the shock wall behind her.

Pen took one long, last look at her Decepticon friend, took Keroro by the hand and cocked the rifle…blasty…thingy…

Then, she aimed for the back wall and open fired.

* * *

><p>The alarm went off in the main room.<p>

"ALERT. ALERT. PERIMETER BREACH. PEREMITER BREACH!" The voice repeated.

"Are we being attacked!" Slipstream jumped to action.

"Those SLAGGING Autobots found us!" Rage Blitzwing also sprang into action.

Shockwave checked the monitors. "No, it's not THAT. The breach isn't coming in, it's going out!"

"What!" Megatron stomped over to the monitors. "What's happening?"

Then he saw the surveillance video of the holding block.

Swindle came in the room at that moment. "What's going on? I heard the alarm."

"The prisoner's escaping, THAT'S what's going on!" Slipstream cursed herself for trusting the organic, then ran for the holding block with the others.

* * *

><p>Pen had blasted twice through the walls already. She spent most of the time running, the blaring alarm pumping adrenaline through her veins. The only time she stopped was to blast again, and she waited until the very end to save shots.<p>

Now was the third. If she and Keroro could just get out of there alive, they may be able to hide in the forest and make it back to the city by morning. She was so glad that the hole was too small for the undesirable Decepticons, but she was worried at the same time since they could STILL fire their cannons through there, and Reala was DEFINITELY able to fly right through and reach her in no time. Also, who KNOWS what they might do to Skywarp.

Keroro kept tripping, his shorter, stubbier legs not being able to keep up with her longer strides. She stopped for a sec and hefted him onto her back. He wasn't that heavy at all, only being a little over a foot tall.

They could no longer hear the alarm and the shouting, they were getting so far away. She fired the fourth blast, and kept running, not wanting to risk stopping for ANY reason. They were a four point fifth of the way there, so they knew they'd better make some serious tracks. The adrenaline was starting to wear off as she reached her fifth blast, though. By the 9th, she was running on near-empty. She came to a halt, finally, and collapsed. She couldn't believe she'd run all that distance. She was a TERRIBLE runner(and not the kind of body for running anyway, either.)

"Are…are you ok, Gero?" Keroro nudged his human friend.

Pen, panting, still feeling the hurt, struggled to get up and kept on going in a staggering walk, blasting as she slowly reached the tenth wall.

"I'm…" She panted. "tipping the halfway point…we can…make it…" She kept on walking.

A red and black flash shot out in front of them.

Reala was right on top of them. He knocked Keroro to the floor and grabbed Pen in a flash around her waist and clamped a hand over her mouth.

"Well, out for a little night air, are we?"

Her eyes burned like an animals. She grabbed onto the arm over her mouth and wrestled with him, the other hand lifted the blaster, shoving the barrel into his face. With an energy blast, it was also knocked from her hand. She struggled with him, and another, more concentrated blast knocked her out.

Keroro jumped at the Nightmaren, only to be blasted himself and knocked unconscious.

Smiling, icy blue eyes glowing like a demon's, Reala grabbed both of the unconscious forms by the arms and took off back into the direction they'd just come.

* * *

><p>Pen woke up to red glittery crap in her face. She was bound at the wrists with both hands behind her back and her ankles together. When she looked, Keroro and Skywarp were bound in similar fashion. Skywarp just had chains instead of rope(stronger hold for a stronger life form.)<p>

Megatron barked at the Decepticon. "YOU IMCOMPETENT FOOL! Even when she's RIGHT THERE you can't stop her! WHY didn't you even call for US to stop her at the very least?"

"m-master, I'm sorry, please, I-"

"You've grown SOFTER than I thought possible for YOU! SLAG, you HELPED her! You wouldn't move out of the SLAGGING WAY!" He boomed, then he saw Pen's stirring out of the corner of his optic.

"Ah, and so the little princess finally wakes up." He spat. "Enjoy our little excursion!"

"Yeah. You should come with sometimes." She retorted. "Then again, you don't need the exercise. Your femme hips are nicely toned enough." (author's note: if you've seen G1 Megatron walking, you'll know what I mean XD dude's hips don't lie)

He turned red as the Decepticons behind him laughed. It was the first time they weren't looking at Pen with pity since she just woke up. Now it was like 'and THAT is one slagging idiot, and THAT's why I'm likin' her.'

"You….you…I have BETTER matters to deal with right now than YOU." He spat. "My team needs to get ready for the race…and our only COMPETENT member REALA here needs to get ready for when he takes YOU home." He smiled. "I hope you enjoy the new arrangements, annoying pest."

"If I'm so annoying, why don't you do the smart thing and just bound my mouth?" She recalled Lockdown's 'escorting' her here.

"I want to hear you scream out in agony as you fester here."

"Don't hold your breath. You should have caught on by now, I'm not afraid of you. The friggin' CARE BEARS are scarier than you."

He slapped her, which -the size difference being what it was- ended up knocking her across the cell and hitting the wall, bouncing off it and hitting the floor. If Skywarp wasn't already close to tears, he was really welling up now. The oil leaks made it hard for him to see, and he wasn't sure he could watch anyway as the only being who'd shown ANY kindness to him was brutally tossed around like a rag doll and all HE could do was sit there and watch. Not making a stand for himself. Not even making a stand for HER. "I'll have Shockwave deal a suitable punishment for you all tomorrow."

Pen, herself, looked up into Reala's eyes as all the robots left.

"You…"

He laughed. "Sorry, my dear. I can't have you running away. It's a shame you have to keep getting yourself damaged like this. Don't you want to look good for our wedding?"

"Ok…one: you already tried that in Poof Chronicles 1, it DIDN'T work. Two: do you ENJOY seeing me suffer!"

He paused, taken aback by her question.

"Do you get your kicks out of me being miserable?"

Still no answer.

"If so…you don't really care about me. Don't even PRETEND that you ever did. You only ever cared about yourself."

The Nightmaren growled at her and stormed out in a huff.

All was silent. Skywarp and Keroro looked over to where Pen was laying in the dirt. With a blank expression, she turned herself so that she was facing the wall, and lay still.

Keroro turned himself to the other wall in similar fashion. Skywarp turned to face the fall and leaned forward, head resting against it. "P-Pen?"

"Yeah, Skywarp?"

"A….a-aren't you scared?"

"…no. I'm not afraid of that overgrown tuna can." She snapped.

"I…I wish I could be brave like you….I…I'm sorry I couldn't hold them off longer… Reala dashed right past me…"

"You did that….for me?" She tried to look over her shoulder at him.

"And…I-I'm sorry for not standing up for you back there….when…h-he…he HIT you…"

The human smiled. "You did your best, Skywarp."

"That's just it! I DIDN'T do my best! I-I…I'm a weakling…a gutless coward…"

"That's not true." She said. "That's not what I see, at least."

The paused, Keroro already fallen asleep.

"P-p-pen?"

"Yeah, Skywarp?"

"I really AM scared…d-do you organics have any way to calm down before going into recharge?"

"Well…sometimes we listen to music-younger ones having their mothers sing to them…and there are bedtime stories."

"I…I think I'd like to hear a story."

Pen layed back down, thinking of the ones she knew. "How's 'The Frog Prince' sound to you?"

"Fine…i-it sounds…nice."

She began. "Ok, so you've got to give me some artistic liscence here…

Once upon a time, there was a regal prince. He lived lavishly, surrounded by luxury. There was only one thing missing from his life. He had nobody to love. No friends, just servants. Nobody every approached him. He was a pathetic man and nobody ever looked at him without laughing.

He became so desperate he saught out the help of a powerful witch. She had nothing to help him, though, but a few words of advice. She said "You don't MAKE friends, friends just happen. They can come at any time from the most unexpected places, under the strangest of circumstances." The Prince was outraged. He had no idea what to make of her ramblings.

So, the witch became furious with him. She cursed him, turning into a frog. Only a kiss from a Princess could break the spell, and she tossed him out of the window.

Many years passed. The Prince was even more disheartened. What kind of Princess could bring herself to stoop and kiss a slimy, sickly little frog?

One day, a ramshackle coach stopped by the pond. The horses and the people inside were in need of water. At that moment, who should the frog see step out but a lovely princess. He could tell she was not from a wealthy country, dressed in rags, and only her golden heart giving her away.

The princess stooped down on the water's edge to drink, when the frog prince hopped over to the lilly pad closest to her, and croaked loudly for her to hear. The princess was startled at first, but she smiled, and picked up he little creature, warts and all. "Well, aren't you the cutest thing I've ever seen?" she said.

Now was his chance. "Oh, please, kind maiden! Please, kiss me and break the witch's horrid spell!" he pleaded with her. "I'll give your kingdom handsome wealth and make sure you never have to wear such rags or travel so cheaply!"

The princess was taken aback for a moment. But, nevertheless, she took pity for him. "You poor, poor man. Of course I'll break the spell for you. Free of charge."

"You want nothing in return?" He asked, puzzled.

"No." She smiled. "I just want to help a friend in need." And so, she leaned forward, puckered, and kissed that slimy little frog.

Then, the marvelous thing happened. The spell was broken, and the Prince stood before her. He knelt down, taking the Princess's hand and thanking her a thousand times for her kindness and selflessness. He insisted that she marry him, and that her and her family live with him comfortably for the rest of their days.

And so, his greatest friend HAD come at the strangest time in the strangest place, and under the strangest circumstances. The Prince and the Princess lived happily ever after, and all was well. The…end…" Pen yawned and dozed off.

Skywarp stared at the ceiling. After a while, he used his finger to etch the image of a frog into the dirt wall. It was hard to draw from memory, considering he'd only seen a frog once before. The Decepticon looked over at the sleeping organic. He got himself closer to her, shielding her from the terrible draft in the mines. Soon, he too fell asleep, forgetting the danger awaiting him in the morning.

TO BE CONTINUED

END CHAPTER 8

* * *

><p>Crap just got real.<p> 


	9. Chapter 9

Poof Chronicles 2: The Dorkcepticons

Chapter 9: Race for the Finish part 3

* * *

><p>Optimus surveyed the team standing before him. He'd gathered his own team and team PaperWyngz, Jazz and the Jet twins, the Dinobots, Elita-1, Wasp, Blurr and Wreck-Gar. It was the very day before the race was set, and tensions were high –well, not counting Wreck-Gar.<p>

They'd searched all day yesterday for Pen, with no sign of the Deception's signal or her own phone signal. They figured Megatron was probably using some sort of signal scrambler. It was still blowing them all away that the Decepticons somehow got out of the stockade. If they didn't find a clue soon, the race would begin tomorrow for the fate of the Earth…Oh, and Pen's life, of course.

Kahmelion sighed. "Ugh. Pen, WHY did you have to be kidnapped…AGAIN?"

Phantom and Thing went over the Inter-Dimensional Atlas(as seen in PC1) once again for any hint of her on the map. There was nothing. Usually if one of them disappeared from the map, it meant they were dead…thank goodness they were still alive, indicating otherwise. Phantom spoke up. "Do you think we've searched EVERYWHERE? I mean, there's always that mine that they used before as a hideout..."

"The Decepticons aren't dumb enough to choose the SAME location." Thing retorted. "We have to think of where they've been and where they HAVEN'T been." (LOL irony)

"That's what we were DOING all day yesterday, and still no results on your friend." Ratchet cut in. "I mean, Heck, who's to say they're even ON EARTH."

"True." Jazz concurred. "They could even be on the MOON by now. Ain't that where their ship crashed?"

"We could search the moon, couldn't we?" Sari stood up at this glimmer of hope.

"Yeah." Bumblebee agreed. "We can get Jetfire and Jetstorm to fly us up, then look around to see where they're hiding her!"

Optimus raised an optic ridge at the twins. "Do you think you two would be capable of carrying one each to the moon?"

"You are seriously asking us this?" Jetfire cocked an optic ridge right back.

"Me and Brother are being MORE than able to be caped!" Jetstorm finished. "We will be getting you there in ten minutes tops!"

"I'm going too!" Bulkhead raised his hand.

Everyone turned to fix their eyes on him. The mech had been completely silent this whole time.

"er…Bulkhead, why don't you stay here." Optimus scratched the back of his head. "Sari and Bumblebee will go with Jetfire and Jetstorm for search and possible rescue."

"And why can't I go?"

Prowl answered For Optimus. "I'm sure Kahmelion, Clive, Phantom, and thing would be more than eager to go as well, but you all have limitations. I realize your close attatchment to Pen could affect your judgement."

"Bull-slag!" He retorted.

"…alright. Would it help to tell you that Kahmelion and Clive can't breath on the moon and you're bigger than the both of the twins combined?"

"…oh…r-right…" He sat back down. Here he was complaining about not going on this trip when the four very people who were closest to her couldn't even go themselves.

"Do not be worrying, big guy." Jetfire grinned. "If Pen is truly to be being there, we will be bringing her back in construction-date condition."

* * *

><p>Meanwhile the very goofball in question was waking up. She was laying on a dirt floor and her hands and ankles were tied and she felt like crap, just as she had been left the night before. She tried to recall the events. Her second escape attempt had come THIS close, yet ended in complete failure due to her "sweetheart."<p>

She'd realized the race was just a cover. She was really being used as bait. Bait and a distraction for whatever the heck the Decepticons planned to do. Not to mention her recent pet/cleaning duties. It had only been two days, and she was already bored of this cycle of being fairly on their good side to being the one organic they wanted to blast to bits the most. She tried to squirm herself so that she was sitting upright, leaning against the wall. Slowly, she tucked in her legs and moved her arms-tied at the wrists- under and back in front of her. She got the binding on her legs undone, so at least she could stand up and walk around. Her legs had been falling asleep and she needed to stretch them. It was getting SERIOUSLY boring around here. She'd expected to be rescued by now. Pen wasn't sure if she expected the Autobots to just bust through the wall, guns a-blazin', but at least something. Thena gain, they might not even have a clue where she was. She walked over to the giant hole in the wall she'd made yesterday. When she'd been knocked unconscious and dragged back into this cell, she hadn't seen any trace of the blaster she'd used with Reala. It seemed like he would try and take every measure to ensure that she KNEW her situation was hopeless. Well, getting married to him like he tried to do LAST Poof Chronicles was hopeless. Pen made her way over to Keroro and nudged him awake.

"Kero?...hey…KERO!" She whispered.

"W…what, gero?" he yawned, blinking his eyes open.

"Kero, I need you to untie my hands, then I'll untie you and Skywarp."

"h-huh?" The decepticon sat up, out of recharge mode. "What's going on?"

"I'm gonna walk down the tunnel." Pen undid the knot in the chain. "I'll be right back. I don't think they got the blaster."

Keroro hopped up on her back and she started through the darkness. How had she seen where she was going last time? Then again, she hadn't really needed to go any other direction than straight ahead.

She was about halfway through the tunnel, when she was stopped dead in her tracks-

"What the spoo-"

-and a familiar being grabbed them both by the necks and dashed them right back out and dropped their bodies on the ground, cackling with laughter.

"You really are slow, aren't you? I took the blaster while you were out cold and destroyed it." Reala snickered as he temporarily created a hole in the electric wall and exited the cell. "Good morning, dear. I see you got out of your bindings."

"Spoot you, clown face!" Pen retorted, turning away from him.

The nightmaren scowed, tossed a McDonald's bag down at her feet through the hole, closing it and leaving the room in a huff.

"…well this sucks…" Pen rummaged through the bag. A few McMuffins…two orange juices, "…half a tank of gas with a fuel siphoner?" She handed those last two to items to Skywarp. "Wish he'd given us something other than high-calorie crap…meh. Beats dirt." She dug in. Mouth full, she walked up to the electric wall. "MHY! Mnywn n hr gt sm frt?"

Blitzwing stumbled it, groaning. "Ach…you humanz are ZO dizguzting…" He switched from icy to random as he approached the cell. She soon saw why he was stumbling and walking funny.

"Zo, Pen? Briefz oder BOX-erz~!" he showed off the crate he's somehow gotten up around his bumper. She laughed out loud, slapping her knee and everything.

"SHOOT, man…" She wiped a tear. "Good one. You certainly have good timing. I needed a laugh." She sat down at the front of the cell, and he did the same. "So, everyone hates me to a subatomic level now, right?"

"Nah, zey juzt know zat Megatron hatez you, zus zey must act like zey hate you~! Vhy do you zeem to TRY and annoy him?"

"Cuz it's FUN and he needs to lighten up." She took another chomp out her breakfast. "Hey, any chance you wanna take the pet for a walk? It gets majorly boring in here."

It was a quick change to rage face. "VE ARE ALL UNDER ZTRICT ORDAZ TO KEEP YOU IN ZERE!" he changed to random again. "Alzough ve could just bring everyvun in here to guard ze doorz vhile ve let you out in ze room for a bit…"

"Sounds sweet, man." She slurped her orange juice.

"Gosh, gero…" Keroro shook his head. "I wonder what our 'heroes' are doing?"

* * *

><p>"KSHT! This is one small step for a girl, one giant leap for Pen's sorry rear." Sari stepped off of Jetstorm and walked along the barren, dead surface of the moon. The wreckage of the Decepticon ship was still there-or at least, what was left of it since Cybertron command had salvaged what parts they could from it.<p>

"Isn't this to be business of seriousness?" Jetstorm raised an optic ridge.

Bumblebee got his stingers at the ready. "Hey Sari?"

She turned to him.

"In space, no one can hear you SCREAM~!"

The two laughed as they got battle-ready in case of confrontation. The four of them snuck along the side wall, tumbled, made those weird hand-signals to eachother…basically just imagine a spy movie.

"I am RIGHT HERE!" Sari whispered. "Just TALK to me!"

Bumblebee rolled past them to the other side of the door. He signaled for Jetfire and Jetstorm to go in front.

With another quick signal, the two used their team attack and busted down the metal door.

The team of four rushed in-

And found the place completely empty.

"Uh….that was…anti-climatic…" Jetfire scratched the back of his head.

"Perhaps they are…hiding?" his brother raised an optic ridge.

"Come on, we'd better search." Sari walked ahead of them. Ah, if only they new it was a fruitless effort.

* * *

><p>Pen sat, head in her hands, staring at the con before her and drawing a blank. "Um…uuuuh…Captain Kirk! A Jedi…teenage mutant ninja turtles?"<p>

"No! You're getting colder, sugar." Lockdown kept repeating the motion. Yep, her friends were up on the moon worried sick while she was playing charades with Decepticons. Go figure.

"Um…dangit, I KNOW this one…" Pen tugged her hair.

"An Arquazonianese Lazer Beast!" Keroro snapped.

Lockdown placed a finger on his nose. "Ding ding! That's frog thing 20, Earth girl 8, Skywarp 10."

"DAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaang…" Pen drawled out. "I'm really not that good at this game."

"Ve could play a board game~!" Random blitzwing suggested.

"…excellent suggestion, but we HAVE no board games, you incompetent boob." Shockwave quipped.

"Zat's alright, I could draw something up quick on ze schematics paper in ze front room~!"

Slipstream smacked him on the head. "Are you out of your MIND!" She hissed. "She's not supposed to get to any paper OR ink!"

It was too late. Wondering why the heck she hadn't thought of that before, Pen had drawn all the paper and ink into the room with her.

"HA HA HA~!" She guffawed with GREAT gusto. "Keroro, hop on my back and hang on tight! Skywarp, set thrusters on full blast and let's blow this pop stand~!" She laughed as she formed the paper into a set of wings and two blasters for each arm. "Anyone wanna stand in the way between me and that door, prepare for a face full of ink and some mean uppercuts!"

Thundercracker scoffed, "What are you gonna do? Paint our nails and fold origami for us?" and then was tackled to the ground by an onslaught of paper cranes.

Pen laughed heartily and zipped through the room, blasting ink grapeshots into all of the Decepticons –save her friend Skywarp….and maybe Blitzwing- as she made for the door. She flew out into the tunnel, headed for whatever route of escape she could find.

Skywarp stumbled hastily behind her before transforming. "W-wait for meeeee!" He cried as she shot forward and she untransformed her paper wings and laded on top of the Jet.

"Oh my primus….oh my primus, OH MY PRIMUS!" He was hyper-ventalating. "We're all going to die! Lord Megatron's going to catch us and we'll all be slagged and-"

Pen slapped the top of the seeker. "Snap out of it! Now, we're only getting out of here if you mech up and grow some back bone! Now, you fly and I'll man the artillery. Got it?"

...he was shocked. "b…b-b…but-"

"Dude," Pen sighed. "Are you a warty, wimpy little frog, or are you a strong, brave Prince?"

"Um…a frog?" he answered timidly.

"NO! Dude, not an option!" If she could see his face right now, she would slap it. "You gotta pull through! Big, strong, brave prince!"

"ok…big, strong, brave prince….I can do this…I'm a big strong brave prince…"

"Heck yeah, you are! Now fly us outta here!" She shouted.

"I'm A BIG STRONG BRAVE PRINCE!" He shouted, and turned on the turbo.

They rushed into the room, passing Megatron and Reala and disrupting their card tower project…wait, did I just see that? …yup…eh. Guess they were bored. Anyway~!

Pen formed her paper into a machine gun and fired ink shots at the two royal jerks. The immediately sprang to try and stop them, Megatron transforming and the both of them flying after them through the tunnels. Seeing the regular shots were doing next to nothing but chip the paint, Pen re-formed the paper into a rocket launcher. "Brace yourselves!" She fired at the ceiling, causing tons of rock and dirt to fall upon their tormentors. "That should buy us some time."

Keroro sat at the front to the Jet. "Skywarp, you know the way out of here, right, gero?"

"Y-yeah! I can get out of here with my eyes closed…oh, what a rush~!" He gushed. He'd never done so good as a con, but now he was doing great as a hero~!

The sound of a huge, roaring engine, and the whooshing through the air by a jester snapped them all back to reality. Pen facepalmed as the warlord and the nightmaren were once again hot on their tails. "You're spooting KIDDING me!" She formed a bigger gun with the paper and ink. "Again, brace yourselves!"

"We're almost to the exit!" Skywarp shouted to them as he saw the light growing ahead. Pen turned around and looked ahead. They could see the trees and the bright afternoon sun setting in the sky! They could hear birds! They could-

-feel the pain as they crashed into a wall of metal, falling backwards over each other.

Standing over the rag-tag group of would-be-escapees was Lockdown, looking rather smug and pleased with himself. "Goin' somewhere, sug'?"

Pen's eyes filled with rage. She bended the paper and threw it in a full attack at the Decepticon. He fell away, and they all dashed off again. "Third time's a charm, turds! Head for the city, Skywarp!"

As they shot over the trees, Blitzwing took action. Using perfect precision, he aimed and hit Skywarp's engines, freezing them and sending him flummetting. Pen turned, enraged once more, and fired ink shots at him, slicing the ice cannon off. She re-formed another pair of wings around them and tried to lift them all over the trees and at into the city limits to make a run for it, but it was too much weight and they were falling fast.

Blitzwing used his remaining fire cannon and blasted the paper into charred bits of ash fluttering down to earth as the trio crashed back into it.

* * *

><p>Pen got up and brushed herself off and picked up Kero on her back. "Skywarp!"<p>

The con untransformed, breaking the ice over his thrusters.

"Can you move your feet?"

He nodded. "U-huh. S-still a b-b-bit ch-chilly though. I can m-make it!" He assured in his new-found enthusiasm, shivering.

"Alright, run for it!" She hopped into his waiting hands and they crashed through the forest on foot.

And, of course, just as they reached the edge, all of their effort was worthless.

The other seekers landed, surrounding them, cannons at the ready and aimed right at them. Skywarp was once again reduced to a cowering weakling and Pen stood, ready fight tooth and nail like a beast at bay. Keroro just peed himself.

"Aw, dude, you wizzed on my hoodie!" Pen took off the now soaking-wet garment. "NOT coo-" She was hit on the back of the head once again by a seeker's kick, knocking her unconscious. Kero was soon to faint, and Skywarp just sat there while all three of them were dragged back.

* * *

><p>Pen woke up to a painful electric shock at the hands of her least favorite Deceptiocon at the feet of their leader. They hadn't even bothered tying her. They weren't in the main room, and her friends were nowhere to be found. She got to her feet, but she was quickly knocked back down onto the dirt floor.<p>

"Holy Poptarts in a pencil sharpner!" She spat.

"I suggest you remain on your knees, pathetic flesh bag." Shockwave answered with a cold air of boredom.

Megatron studied the organic before him. "I say, we've never had such feisty captives before. Just WHY do you continue your escape attempts when each time you land yourself in a world of pain more intense than the last?"

"Because I never give up, old fart! She shouted through clenched teeth. "I'll keep fighting evil crap until I die!"

"That can be arranged quite easily if you wish." The warlord leaned down to face the human. "I didn't bring you here to listen to you ramble on about your pathetic, childish ideals. I brought you here for a proposition."

"What do I have to deal with a psycho who walks like a femme swishing his hips around?" (a/n: seriously, just watch a clip of him walking in G1. XD)

He snarled. "Annoying quips aside, I admire your spirit. I've spent all this time trying to break it, but it only adds to your power. Tell me, how is a mere organic scum able to possess these abilities?"

"Shucks, I just do, ok!" She blushed. "Yeesh, you're making me sound more and more like a Mary-Sue…there's just ONE thing that could tip that scale and put me on the most hated sue's list-"

"I am asking you to join my ranks."

"-and THERE it is." She kissed her originality goodbye.

"I assure you, I am quite serious." Megatron folded his hands.

"And I assure YOU that you probably had some bad oil last night or something." The teenager snapped back.

"If you join us, you will have all the power and resources you could ever dream of. Anything you want, just take it. I've also been informed of your love of explosion and pyrotechnics by your fiancé-"

"He's NOT my fiancé!" She flushed with anger.

"-and, as you know, as an ally of the Decepticons, you would be able to destroy to your heart's deepest, darkest desire. Do whatever you want whenever you want. Show those Autobot slag that you ARE capable."

"Never." She checked her nails, bored out of her mind. As she suspected, dirt-caked and torn up.

"Isn't it true, though?" The warlord picked again. "Havn't I been the first person of importance to acknowledge your skills? That dunderprocessor Sentinel regards you as an unpleasant odor. Anyone higher than him doesn't even know you exist, despite your countless efforts of aid to the earth-bound Autobots. Now, there will be no WAY they can ignore you. There will be no way ANYONE can ignore you. Slag, among Decepticons you will be revered as a hero…or, at the very least, the ONE tolerable organic in the universe…"

"I don't operate for thanks or fame or glory. It may be a welcome side-effect, but mostly I do it because I'm either cleaning up my own mess or I just want to do the right thing to the fullest extent of my abilities. That's what the Autobots did, isn't it? That's what any hero does."

He scoffed. "Listen to you, going on about how righteous and heroic you are. You speak so highly of the very ones who should be fearing YOU. These Autobots, they've oppressed Decepticons far too long, just because we won't abide by THEIR rule. They offline us in the streets if they find us, just because of what we are. Do you even know who your 'heroes' really are OR the agenda they serve?"

"You're just sayin' poop that jacks with my brain! I don't need any more info to know your junk is un-called for and just plain evil!"

"Enough chatter!" The warlord spat at her. "Join me, Pen, and the universe is yours. Keep to your pathetic, flimsy code of ignorance and you'll only end up slagged."

The teenager drew herself up, even after Shockwave tried to beat her back down. "Listen, destroying my own race and the races of everyone else…not interested, Ok? I could make a huge, long, chocolate-coated heroic speech right now, but I just have one thing to say.

Screw.

You."

And then she promptly spat in his face like a lady.

* * *

><p>The wall of the cell zapped up behind her after she was unceremoniously tossed in, landing on her face. All the paper in the place had been burned, and the ink with it. She was completely powerless, but she didn't care. The Deceptiocons stared at her in her small enclosure as she got up and sat by her shaking friend -their full-on traitor at this point- and tried to calm him as he went on in his pitiful ramblings.<p>

"I…I screwed up…I'm just a slimey little frog…"

"No." Pen placed a hand on his arm. "You did great. I just should have thought a better plan through. You did your best, and…I'm so grateful you did all that for me."

"I screwed it all up…It's all my fault…if only I hadn't been dumb enough to get shot in the engine…I could have gotten you both out of there, but I-"

"STOP!" She shouted. "It's NOT your fault. I was the idiot who got you into this mess in the first place."

"You're just saying that to make me feel better…" Oil welled up in his optics. "You must really hate me now…"

"Snap out of it!" She handed him the part of her hoodie by the part that was still dry and un-pee-soiled to wipe his optics. "Don't you start that crying crap." Tears started to well up in her own eyes as she said this. "You can't let them see you cry. I DON'T hate you, man. If anything, I'm darned proud of you! You stood up not only for yourself when everyone was against you, but you stood up for two organic life forms when everyone was against you! Don't beat yourself up." She wiped his eyes.

"Y…your hoodie…"

Her hoodie was completely and utterly an unsalvageable wreck, but "That can be replaced. What can't be replaced is your selflessness and sacrifice for me and my friend. What can't be replaced is your friendship. The fact that you care even a rat's butt about us."

"I…I care about you a lot." Skywarp stammered. "You…you're still my friend?"

"Always." She assured him.

A cold, sarcastic clap sounded off outside of the cell. Pen was thankful Keroro was still unconscious and unable to freak out any further. Lockdown squatted down in front of the cell and laughed in their faces, along with the other Decepticons.

"Touching." He rolled his optics. "What's next, Christian storytelling?"

"Maybe. I don't see anything wrong with that." Pen huffed, offended by the affront on her faith.

"Yeah…anyway, why don't you just give it up? Your friends obviously don't give a slag about you enough to come and save you-"

"You're just trying to say poop to jack with my head, just like Robo-Hitler in there." She crossed her arms and turned her back to him. "They probably just haven't been able to find the place."

"Wow…you should really get more reliable help, then."

"You're a fine one to talk, turncoat bounty hunter." She held her head high, but there was a definite crack in her voice.

"I still can't believe you turned down Megs's offer! You'd have been set for the rest of your natural-born life. Slag, you could have EXTENDED your life through cybernetics! You'd be the ONE organic safe from extermination. Why did you turn THAT down?"

"Because I already HAVE a sweet gig -not to mention morals- and I'm not afraid of any of you."

"You really should stop saying that. I just may have to hook you through your squishy, fleshy belly…" He mused, pushing his hook so that it was almost zapped by the electric wall.

"I have a question." She turned to them all. All the Decepticons in that room. "Why do YOU TAKE that warmonger's offer? He's only lead you to misery, despair, and inevitable defeat. He's not a freedom fighter. He's a DICTATOR. What has he done to improve your prosperity? Anything? Or has it all been to benefit himself? Don't you have anything better to do that to serve a Nazi-like regime?"

The group paused, murmuring to one another.

"What's it to you!" Lockdown demanded. He clicked in the security code to let the teenager out, and made sure two of the seekers were ready by the door if she made a break for it. Suprisingly, she showed no signs of wanting to run.

"I'm just sayin'." She scratched her head. "You guys could have loads more opportunities and potential if you weren't under BORE machine's thumb. Don't any of you have dreams? Something you strive for? I keep trying to escape from you guys who MIGHT be chums because I can't achieve that as a prisoner." She looked right into Lockdown's red optics. "Didn't YOU ever have a dream?"

There was a pause as his eyes filled with hate. He advanced on her. She backed away from him to the wall. Ok, NOW she was a little afraid of him. She hit the wall, nowhere else to go. The bounty hunter leaned down in her face, raised his hook…and got a faraway look hi his optics.

"I…had a dream, once."

Wait, where did Wasabi Ed come from and where did he get that accordion?

Slipstream facepalmed. "Ugh. He's not going to…is he?" She groaned.

"Yes." Pen answered cheerily. "Yes he is. This is still fanfiction, sweety."

And so he began his song.

"I'm malicious, mean, and scary.

My sneer could curdle dairy.

And violence-wise…my hands are not the cleanest…" he turned once again to Pen as he stalked to some corner of the room. "But despite my evil look

And my temper

And my hook…" A light came on, revealing a piano that they…somehow…never…noticed before…

"I've always yearned to be a concert Pianist~!" Pen, excited, jumped up onto the bench beside him as he played a great riff.

"Can't you see me on the stage performin' Mozart?

Ticklein' the ivories 'till the gleam~!

Yes, I'd rather be called deadly

For my killer show tune medley~!" He played a long scale.

"Thank you! 'Caus way down deep inside I've got a dream!"

The deceptions-minus Slipstream and Swindle- joined in the musical idiocy. "He's got a dream~!

He's got a dream~!"

"See? I ain't as cruel and vicious as I seem!" Lockdown continued.

"Though I do love breaking femurs, you can count me with the dreamers!

Skywarp timidly took the stage. "I've got-recently- scratches, dings, and bruises

Plus an oil tank that sometimes oozes…

And let's not even mention my complection!" he added, earning a few glares from his fellow seekers. "But despite pointy toes,

My neck ding, and lack of a nose

I really wanna make a love connection~!" He mused, handing a flower to Pen. She gushed at the adorable idea.

"Oh, can't you see me with a special little lady?" He knelt before Slipstream, who slapped him silly, causing him to stumble back. "Rowing in a rowboat down the stream?

Thought I'm one disgusting blighter

I'm a lover, not a fighter!

'Caus like everybody else I've got a dream~!"

"he's got a dream!

He's got a dream!"

"And I know one day romance will reign supreme!" Skywarp dreamed.

"Though my face leaves people screaming,

there's a protoform behind it dreaming~

like everybody else, I've got a dream!" he swept Pen and-still unconscious- Keroro up into a big group hug(careful not to crush them).

One by one, the deceptions recounted each other's own quirks.

"Thundercracker would like to quit and be a florist."

"Shockwave does interior design."

"Soundwave is into mime."

"Starscream's cupcakes are sublime!"

"Wasp, he knits.

Ramjet sews.

Blitzwing does his puppet shows-"

Lockdown put his arm around on of the larger cons present. "And Lugnut collects 'My Little Pony' dolls~!"

The oaf smiled, blushing, and presented the toys.

"What about you?" The bounty hunter nudged Swindle in the arm.

"I'm sorry, me?" the arms dealer looked at this with a certain air of "are you serious?"

"What's YOUR dream?" Skywarp asked.

"No, I'm sorry, boys." Swindle crossed his arms. "I don't sing." Immediately, the oh-so-innocent Slipstream shoved him out into the spotlight. They were WAITING.

"I have dreams like you, no really!

Mine are just less…touchy-feeley

And usually only happen someplace sunny!

On an planet that I own-

Tended, rested, and ALONE

Surrounded by enormous piles of money!"

Pen jumped in front, saving him furthur embarrassment. Instead she directed them to her own mediocre singing voice. "I've got a dream~!

I've got a dream!

I just want to make people laugh to the extremes!

Although with every passing hour, I'm so glad I could empower

All you lovely folks' dragging self-esteem~!" She beamed.

The chorus joined in "She's got a dream

He's got a dream

They've got a dream

We've got a dream

So our differences ain't really that extreme,

We're all one big team~!"

The formed a kickline of all things. Pen never thought she'd see the day, and she was geeking out.

"So call us brutal-"

"sick"

"sadistic"

"And grotesquely otpimistic~!

'cuz way down deep inside I've got a dream~!"

"I've got a dream"

"I've got a dream"

"I've got a dream"

"I've got a dream"

"I've got a dream"

"I've got a dream~!" Pen rang out.

"'Cuz way down deep inside I've got a dream~!" They all sang. "Yeah!"

They all cheered, but soon it all got quiet, as if their voices were turned off by a switch.

Lord Megatron himself stood in the doorway. "Enjoying our little party, are we?" He growled. "All of you, BACK TO YOU POSTS! WHY are the prisoners out of their cells! SHOCKWAVE! DISCIPLINE!"

The mechs-and Slipstream- all hesitated. Could it be…

"NOW! ALL OF YOU!" His voice boomed, and they all scattered like rats. So much for that. Pen and co. were hustled right back into their small quarters, and the electric wall went up right behind them. Megatron knelt down to face the pitiful insects. One was just waking up with a start. Two were standing right there, glaring right back into his optics, unfazed. "I swear, if you ever try your filthy organic ways to corrupt my mechs again, if you so much as bat an optic, I will personally blast you until there's not even a scorch mark on the ground!" He finished, and went off in a huff as he exited.

"Femme hips." Pen taunted.

"Blitzwing, get the organic ready for filming!"

* * *

><p>The heroes elsewhere flopped down on the couch. The whole day had turned up NOTHING. Not even a SINGLE CLUE. It was looking hopeless. The "race" was scheduled for tomorrow, and they still hadn't found Pen.<p>

Sari sighed. "I…I'll go get the mail." She stalked out of the room, not able to look at the faces of Team PaperWyngz.

"So, what? We're still no closer to finding her than day one?" Kahmelion kept poring over the atlas, hoping for ANY chance of Pen's blip showing up.

"Are we going to have to race like they said?" Clive asked, pacing the floor.

"I'm all for it." Bumblebee raised his hand. "It looks like the only way we're even going to get CLOSE to getting her back."

"Naw, dog!" Jazz shot the idea down. "That'd just be playin' RIGHT into their servoes! We can't risk Pen's life-not to mention the entire EARTH on that."

"Um…guys?" Sari re-entered the room. She looked fairly shell-shocked. "We…we got another disk from them…"

Phantom and Thing quickly took it and popped it into the player. Team PaperWyngz-along with Bulkhead- leaned forward, intently listening. Pen's image flashed upon the screen. She was even more messed-up than the first video a few days ago. She smiled, however, putting on a brave face. She would never let someone know openly that she was scared.

"Hey, guys~!" She addressed them, all sing-songey. It drove them crazy how she could be so slagging jolly in this situation. She continued. "Alright, so, as you know, the race is tomorrow. Norhternmost to southernmost Michigan, blah blah blah, fate of the world. I hope y'all are ready. Be sure to bring your game faces, and I'll see you there~! I'm going to be the announcer…commentator…person. Usually I don't like that kind of stuff. Nascar's BORING." She sighed. "In fact," Her disposition changed. "I wouldn't come here at all! It's a whole mess of a trap, and I'm not worth it! The world? They can't do anything you can't handle. It's probably a HUGE blu-AUGH!" She looked surprised at something offscreen. "Alright, put that cannon away! SHEESH!" She snapped. "I guess you'd better come then. You're supposed to be there by 7:30 am." She crossed her arms and tried to sound bored. "Oh, by the way, I'm in the-" There were bullets loosed just INCHES away from her head. "Alright, alright!" She backed down. The video ended there."

The decision was unanimous.

No matter what…they had to race tomorrow…

TO BE CONTINUED!


	10. Chapter 10

"The Winner ain't the one with the fastest car. It's the one who refuses to lose."

–Dale Earnheardt

"To achieve anything in this game, you must be prepared to dabble in the boundary of disaster."

-Sterling Moss

Poof Chronicles 2: The Dorkcepticons

Chapter 10: Race for the Finish part4

* * *

><p>The autobots came out of recharge that morning, still feeling half-dead. Or, for a better choice of words, completely grave. Everyone moved through that morning in silence. Kahmelion didn't care about being woken up early, as she'd never gone to sleep in the first place. Team PaperWyngz and Sari ate breakfast and checked the atlas for the umpteenth time while the autobots and dinobots prepared for what was to come.<p>

The mechs and femmes geared up, Ratchet checking everyone's suspension, fuel, and other vehicle jargon. After everyone had gotten prepared, they still felt like they could never be ready to go and do what they were about to do.

"I can't believe we're doin' this, man." Jazz shook his head, sitting on the cement couch while he waiting for his allies to finish tune-ups.

Jetfire and Jetstorm popped up from behind the couch. "Mr. Jazz sir, is everything to be being ok ?"

"Ah, hey jet dawgs. I'm a'ight, it's just…thinkin' about how much is at stake here…The whole planet's in jeopardy, and the only the we able to do is go and play THEIR game…"

"And they had to make it personal." Bulkhead lumbered in, with an expression far too dark to EVER need to be present on his face. "The picked the wrong organic to mess with…"

"Mr. Bulkhead sir," Jetfire and his brother walked over to the mech over twice their size. "Your are being ok to, especially?"

"Only if you count having one of your best friends kidnapped where you can't find a trace of them for THREE DAYS and getting ready to slag the cons who did it is ok." He snapped back, flexing the fingers on his wrecking-ball arm.

"Maybe you should be calming down and getting some oil." Jetstorm voiced, concerned. "We are all caring for safe return of Pen."

"He Megatron make big mistake for taking me Swoop's friend Pen." The dinobot walked in, an oil can in hand.

Wreck-gar entered. "Hang on, Neddy, we're goin' to war!"

Prowl, who had been trying to meditate in the corner, finally gave up. "Although, I do almost feel sorry for the Decepticons…almost…"

"What the slag are YOU talkin' about, dawg?" Jazz sprang up.

"Because they've had to deal with PEN for three days." Ratchet lumbered in. "If I know Pen, she's given them pit every minute of it. When we rip her out of the hands of whatever creep's got her, I say she deserves a slagging medal." He crossed his arms. "So are YOU mechs ready to go and do just that?" he barked.

The entire group gathered in the living room. Standing before them was Optimus Prime, and Team PaperWyngz were front-row. It was time for one of his trademark speeches. You could almost hear the patriotic music playing in the background…oh wait, that's Wasabi Ed.

"Look, I'm going to say this now. Today looks pretty slagging bleak. Today," he continued, "The Earth is at stake. Thousands of lives are being held hostage, as well as the life of our own friend being used as bait for us to whatever twisted, sick trap the Decepticons want to lure us into. However, though this may all just be a trap, we HAVE to go out there and win this. We are AUTOBOTS. We can get around whatever their plans are, and make our own plan to conquer this threat on the field. Pen has been half-living in whatever pit-hole they have her hidden in. You all saw the videos. We can't keep her waiting and rotting there any longer. Today, we rush into danger and laugh in it's face. Today, we race Decepticons that could spring something to offline us at any moment. Today, we DO seem like complete morons for doing so. But, today we are going to take back a world from these villains to peace not only for the fate of the world, but for our personal motivation as well. Today, we bring Pen home. Today, she walks free to rejoin her friends and not have to spend the rest of her days wondering if she lives or dies at any moment. Autobots, Dinobots, and Team Paper-Wyngz, transform and roll out!"

Kahmelion and Phantom hopped into Bulkhead's carriage, and Clive and Thing did the same with Wreck-gar as they all sped to almost certain offlinement. But, they had a resolve. A resolve that would hopefully save the lives of billions as well as the life of their friend…hopefully.

* * *

><p>In the meantime, Pen woke up, stretching, yawning, and overall re-aligning her spine. She looked over to her inmates, who were still slumbering. It had been hard to get some sleep last night. Not only had they been up super-late, but it was still hard to fall asleep knowing what was all going down today. The sleep deprivation from the past three days was starting to get to her, but she wouldn't let it. She sat up and drew with her finger in the dirt. First her friends. She could only manage stick-figures given her current medium and lack of energy. Next, she stood up, made sure she was on the wall facing the security camera, and with big, sweeping marks formed a raggedy autobot symbol, a smack in the face of her captor, letting Megatron know that she would never give up. Shortly after, large footfalls were heard as Lockdown and Shockwave entered the room. Shockwave carried a pair of stasis cuffs, and Lockdown operated the touch pad and tied lead ropes to both Pen and Keroro's hands. The human teenager held herself high and slipped her hands right out of them.<p>

"I can walk MYSELF, thank you." She snarled, and kept right at their side as they walked down the tunnel, her arms crossed.

They reached the main room, where Robo-Hitler and the goth clown were waiting.

"Well, fleshy, I'm glad to see you've decided to cooperate. I see you've realized a losing battle." The warlord smirked.

"Honey, do you think red and black or pink and black would look better in the bathrooms?" the nightmaren held up the color swatches, cackling.

Pen didn't respond. She simply stood and waited for whatever was next. Seeing they weren't provoking any kind of reaction, the two of them stopped.

"Swindle, transport the organics. Shockwave, you will make sure the traitor is secured on a lead behind."

Skywarp didn't shake one bit. Following Pen's lead, he just kept his calm and let himself be attatched to the lead as Pen and Keroro were hustled inside the Swindle SUV like criminals into a police car.

The decepticons sped off, Swindle carrying the priosoners and dragging the traitor behind on his bumper.

* * *

><p>He hung back a little, and switched off his com-link.<p>

"So…" he vocalized to his passengers. "What do you think of your ride so far?"

"It sucks." Pen snapped back.

"Well, how about-"

"Megatron sucks."

"…well how abo-"

"_YOOOOOU_ suck." She cut him off again. There was a pause in the carriage.

"Well, Pen, perhaps there's something you can do for me so I can do something for you and you can depart to wherever your little spark desires?"

"I see…" She glared. "You know, it _would_ be _very_ good if there was something you could do. I would be in _serious_ debt. Like, _huge _debt."

"Keep talking my language." The arms dealer swerved around the corner.

"Something…like…I don't know." She smirked. "Double what my offer was on the blaster. But, alas, you're under strict orders."

Swindle unlocked the backseat doors. "_what_ orders?"

"Sweet, gero." Keroro went to the door to open it, but it was quickly locked again in his face.

"Whoh, _WHOAH_, froggy." Swindle practically shouted inside of him. "We've got to make this look good. Look, you see that compartment under the passenger's seat?"

Keroro opened the small door her found. Inside was his kero-ball of all things! "How…how did you-?"

"I convinced them to let me study it for possible duplication. I thought it might come in handy for myself, though. Now, when I say 'go,' you're going to fire a blast at my door. I'll fling my door open to make it LOOK like you blasted it open yourself, you guys cut Skywarp loose, and everyone goes home happy. Ok?"

"Gotcha." Pen nodded. "Ready, Swindle? Keroro? SKywarp?"

The other three assured her.

The SUV kept driving. "When we hit this next turn….GO!"

And it was set into place. He was hanging so far back the other Decepticons didn't even notice. He sped off as Pena and Keroro jumped from the vehicle, cut Skywarp loose, tuck and rolled, and were finally…after four tries and _much_ pain,

Free.

Pen stood up first and dusted herself off. "If you're not dead, raise your hand."

Keroro and Skywarp, faces in the dirt on the side of the highway, held up their hands.

"Good…holy crap, we're FREE! FINALLY!" She danced around and shouted to the sky. "THANK GOD! We're not being zapped or punched or fed slop~!" She put her hands on her hips. "Good golly miss Molly…" She took in the first fresh air for days. "This is awesome…We cheated their game, boys~!" She hopped over and gave Keroro a big bear-hug. "Come on, let's get to the city and find the auto-hello, what's this impossibly random and convenient debris I see blowing towards me in the wind?" She snatched the paper…it was a flyer…

"Bots vs. Cons. Race to end All Races. From Hancock to Menominee. Michigan is the track, the World is the stakes." She let it sink in. "Skywarp, transform and rise up! We got ourselves a race to stop!"

* * *

><p>The roads were cleared by the police, and on either side thousands of screaming fans piled against the barricades, threatening to overflow and spill out onto the track. There were several Autobot fan signs and anti Decepticon slogans everywhere. However, all the fangirls wearing tight, tiny shirts and fanboys with spray-painted bodies screaming their lungs out had no effect on either side. The Autobots had a sort of home field advantage, having been all around Michigan many times. However, the Decepticons had the air advantage, and would be able to fly faster than a lot of the Autobots could drive. Their best bet would be Jetfire and Jetstorm being able to hold their own in the skies. It shouldn't be much of a problem. However, they still had no idea what they were getting into. Megatron had never agreed not to use weapons, and Optimus was hardly in a position to make demands. The two team leaders glanced at eachother sideways.<p>

"Where is Pen?" The autobot demanded to know.

"Don't worry about her. We have her nice and safe." Reala floated over and replied. "Although, she won't be that way for long."

"We WILL win today." Prowl stepped forward. "For the life of our friend and the billions of lives on this planet.

"Alright, kids." Ratchet walked over to Team PaperWyngz's vehicles. "Out. We can't risk you getting harmed."

"Bullcrap." Kahemlion locked Bulkhead's doors. "We have out own abilities, we can take care of ourselves."

"And what about blondie?" Ratchet pointed to Joey, sitting with Kahmelion in Bulkhead. "Wait, how did _he_ even get here!"

The Nightmaren Prince floated out above the center of the highway. "Alright," he got everyone's attention. "This race will be from here to Menominee. The first mech or femme to reach the finish line entering the city's side wins. No weapons, no transforming, you get knocked off the track and you're out. I would say I want a clean race, but where's the fun in that?" He smirked, and held up his hand, glowing as if it here charging. "Winner takes all. GO!" He fired an energy ball, and they all instantly shot off, speeding over the road or taking off into the skies. Just as they all left the starting line, Swindle pulled in, his tires screeching on the pavement.

"SWINDLE!" Megatron com-linked back to his subordinate on the ground. "What happened? Where are the prisoners!"

"They Escaped, sir!" Swindle let his door hand as if it really was injured. "The tiny one found a weapon in my secret compartment and nearly blasted my door off!"

"You let them get AWAY!"

* * *

><p>Sari sat inside Bumblebee at the driver's wheel. "Ok, <em>when<em> did this monkey get in here!"

"Speed, come in, Spee- er…I am meaning, Sari." Jetstorm's voice came loud and clear over the com link. "You need to be seeing this!"

Overhead, another Jet flew near the track.

"Skywarp!" Sari and Bumblebee exclaimed, shocked, in unison. "SLAG!" Sari gazed at the jet, noticing it was never joining the lineup. "What the pit is he doing here!"

"Be closer a bit in your looking." This time Jetstorm responded.

* * *

><p>Optimus drove at the lead of the Autobots, Prowl following closely on the left wing. Suddenly, his com-link was filled with static, which changed to jargon, which morphed somewhere into words. Words spoken in a familiar voice.<p>

"Optimus! Come in. Come in, Optimus!" Pen's voice rang loud and clear. Why was it showing up as a Decepticon frequency!

"Pen!" the Prime almost but on his breaks. "What…where are you!"

"Um…look to your left and up in the skies." She said.

He followed her instructions. All he saw was another seeker. "PEN! Are you being held on that seeker jet!"

"Hold on! DON'T. SHOOT. It's a long story, but now's not the best time for me to explain. Don't worry, I know what I'm doi-AUGH!"

"Pen! Pen, what was that!" he shouted into his com-link. "What happened!" he looked up and saw Skywarp's left wing smoking, debris falling off of it. "Pen, hold on! I'm sending someone to get you!" He switched frequencies. "Bulkhead! Swoop! Follow that jet! Try and get it before they hit the ground! Take the humans and minions with you!"

"What happened!" A thick Brooklyn accent grated his audio receptors. "Is Pen ok!"

"Just get over there!" The Prime sped up as the dinobot glided down from the skies and one of his own mechs sped off the road in the direction of the falling metal mass.

"Optimus!" The Prowl-cycle pulled up next to him. "Was Pen ON that flight!"

"No slagging DUH, Prowl!" Bumblebee shot ahead, to be passed by Blurr.

* * *

><p>Pen stumbled out of the smoking jet, carrying Keroro out on her back, who was still screaming like a lady. Skywarp transformed back into bot mode and stood up.<p>

"Ugh. Man, That idiot Thundercracker shot at us!" Pen dusted her jeans off. "Skywarp, do you think we can still make it on foot?"

"I…I think I can." The seeker gingerly felt his injured wing, but stood up. He held out his hand for them to climb in, and took off running.

"Let's get to the nearest city! We're gonna need a copter and a camera crew...also a mechanic…"

* * *

><p>In some town in some place somewhere in Michigan, a family was just sitting in their living room, minding their own business. A teenage girl, not even paying attention to the TV as she listened to her ipod and read seventeen magazine refused to let her little brother change the channel from Degrasi to Spongebob. Just as such and such girl was about to slap such and such boy for dumping her, the screen flashed, and changed to the image of a brunette with scratched glasses, dark circles under her eyes, raggedy clothes, and dirt all over her. In all honesty, she looked a bit like Harry Potter after part two of the seventh movie. "Hello, Michigan! Good midday, and we here at chanel 5 news are preempting your broadcasts to bring you live covereage of the race that just could end the world as we know it. Ladies and Gentlemen, this is Autobots vs. Decepticons for the fate of our planet."<p>

"Say WHAT!" The teenage girl tried to click off of the ugly girl's image. It was on every channel. "MOM! Something's wrong with the TV!"

"Your mother's the one at the news station, Samantha." A man with graying hair walked in, the girl's dad. "…Holy cow, is that… is that the Autobot and Decepticon race going on today! Riley, get us all some popcorn and sodas from the fridge!"

"UGH!" The teenager groaned.

* * *

><p>"Yes, this is Dian Sommers, reporting to you live from our news copter over what could be the most exciting race of our time or any time on earth. The Evil Decepticons have once again challenged the heroes of our Earth, the heroic Autobots. This time, however, to a race. It has been announced that the winners of this race will decide the fate of the world, as well as the fate of this interesting little girl. Coming up next, how will this effect your holiday traffic?"<p>

Pen pushed the lady out of the way. "Uh, yeah, this 'little girl' has a name, ok? This is Pen Fandango, and me and my friend Kero were held hostage for three days, beaten to a pulp each day and deprived of sleep, fresh air, and sometimes food." She sat by the open side of the helicoptor, so that the cameraman would focus on the race below. "We're flying right next to the action, doing the stupidest of stupid as we're hovering just a little far off from the Decepticon's flight formation. The only two Autobots in the skies are Jetfire and Jetstorm, as it appears moments ago Swoop broke formation in the racing lineup as well as Bulkhead in the motorcade below to chase after a falling seeker. I just want to clarify to all the fans in the audience that that particular seeker was Skywarp. He was trying to fly me and Keroro to reach the Autobots again safely, but was shot down with the both of us inside. I'm thankful to be alive. He's not offline, but following closely on foot with Keroro. I'm not going to say which angle or side he's following just in case a Decepticon is tapping this transmission." She pointed down at the formation. "Enough about my sob story! As you can see, the Autobots are so far in the lead with Blurr and Bumblebee neck-and-neck on ground and Jetfire and Jetstorm forming the Safeguard jet in the skies. They're nearing the next turn, and it seems like Bulkhead and Wreck-Gar are pulling back onto the track-man they must have some good traction on their tires...- and trying to regain the ground they've lost to Swindle and Blitzwing….Hello, what's this?"

* * *

><p>Kahmelion cursed. "Man, Pan, what the heck? You had <em>better<em> not be dead!" She rubbed her temples as she steamed. It was a wild goose chase, and was now probably for a body. Joey was huddled up, panicking and rambling on in some nonsense.

Phantom slapped the blonde with his ear. "Pull it _together_ man! If she was _dead_, then _I'd_ be dead!"

Optimus com-linked in. "Bulkhead! Swoop! Status report!"

Bulkhead panted as he replied, through gritted teeth. "We couldn't find them, Prime. The only thing there was a scorched clearing and Skywarp's wing. I swear, if he does ANYTHING to her-"

"Calm down, soldier. If they weren't still there, they're probably still alive."

"Wait…" Kahmleion spoke into the com link. "Pen made some allusion to Skywarp being ok…so if Pen's free, shouldn't we all just stop racing and go find her?"

There was a pause. All eyes and ears-or auditory sensors- were on her.

"Seriously, though. You guys can totally stop these Decepticons. Heroes always win. EVERY…EPISODE…or…at least every story arc…anyway, it just seems like you spent all these chapters building up to a HUGE race and making it SO important and life or death, making a HUGE dramatic speech about it, and then it turns out that the whole thing is totally pointless."

Nobody said anything for a while, they just sped over the highway.

"Because _that_" Phantom _and_ Joey chopped her in the back of the head. "Would be too anti-climactic."

She sighed. "Fine. Just shut up and drive….I said SHUT UP AND DRIVE."

"We heard you the first time!" Clive plugged his ears. "Blimey, what the rot are you shouting about?"

"Sorry. I'm just used to Pen being here for a musical number."…hold, on, what are those guys in front of us doing!"

Blitzwing was transforming out of vehicle mode, and kneeling so that his tank treads on his shins to continue to roll him forward while he turned and aimed backwards. His fire cannon was locked on them.

"Hey!" Bulkhead called. "I thought we said no transforming and no weapons!"

"Ve _alzo_ zaid no going off of ze track."

* * *

><p>Pen watched the explosion from above and Bulkhead just managed to swerve out of the way and dodge the blast. If she knew anything, some of her friends were on that carrier. "UN-SLAGGING-BELIVEABLE!" She faced the camera. "Viewers, both sides have now broken what were apparently mentioned before as the racing rules. Sorry, I was too busy escaping death notice." She held up her hands. "Anyway-OH MAH GAWD it is getting rough down there! Everyone's trashing eachother, man! The Autobots are getting friggin' <em>WASTED<em> out there! There's spare parts and fire and crap flyin' all over the place! Oh, the HUMANITY! Bulkhead and Bumblebee just got knocked off of the track, and Ratchet's barely escaping fire to provide aid!"

…

"Ah, screw this. Reporter lady, I leave you to the job you were paid to do." She finished, grabbing a script from some bit on a kid who was buried up to his waist in a sandbox and peed his pants to get out. Then, she jumped. The crew rushed to the window, the cameraman catching every moment as she unfurled two new paper wyngz.

* * *

><p>A full-on brawl had started down below. Shots were exchanged, as well as blows. How in the heck they were all staying on the road was <em>beyond<em> Kahmelion as she stood on top of Bulkhead and held of what she could with her own powers, while Clive backed her up and the minions caused mayhem with a seemingly endless supply of bullets courtesy Thing's head and Phantom poofing in and out of everyone's faces. The Autobots and Decepticons duked it out, shooting each other off of the road and out of the skies, or at least trying to. The Decepticons had bigger soldiers, more firepower, dirty tactics, and more of an air advantage. The Autobots had numbers, strength, loyalty, courage, all sorts of valor crap, some teenagers and a few living plushies.

"ALL THE LADIES IN THE HOUSE SAY _YEAH_~!" A familiar, albeit autotuned voice came from above, and it sounded like it was getting closer. Both sides risked a look to the skies. Falling from eight thousand feet in the air, wings out behind her so she would friggin' _survive_, and two sections of script in her hands, arms crossed like she was trying to fire like Death the Kid in the Soul Eater opening theme was Pen. She managed to land on top of Wreck-Gar's shoulder, the one opposite of Clive and Thing, and held up her "guns," reverting her wings to more fire power. "EAT PAPER, SUCKFACES!"

"PEN!" Bulkhead called, blocking more Decepticon fire. "You're alive!"

"Well naw DUH, slaggaz~!" She added her abilities to the fight. "I ain't gonna sit and watch while y'all have all the fun~! Besides, this is my first 'fate of the world' deal~!"

"Pen, HOW are you getting your voice to sound like that?" Prowl glanced back at his returned student after throwing a shuriken, which made it's mark right in Lockdown's left optic. She sounded like Perceptor, but more musical.

"She has built-in autotune. She swallowed a tiny computer this one time. That's a story for somewhere and some-WHEN else." Kahmelion answered, climbing onto Bulkhead's wrecking-ball. She motioned for Pen to jump over, and she did.

"Alright, let's frikkin' DO THIS~!"

"…can you turn the autotune off? It's kind of annoying."

Pen sighed. "Ugh, alright. Just let me adjust my pancreas." She concentrated for a while…then pooted. "A'ight, it's off. LET'S DO THIS!" And Bulkhead shot them out into the Decepticons for compelte and utter mayhem, as well as just blowing stuff up. "LEROOOOOOOOOOOOY JEEEEEEEENKIIIIIIIIIIINS~!"

* * *

><p>The crowd watched. Not just in Michigan anymore, this was being broadcast all across the country, and eventually they cleared for world-wide. Lucky fans by the streets even got to catch some spare parts while they watched their heroes battle for the fate of their planet.<p>

Optimus made his way through the fire of several 'cons before he found himself face-to-face with a foe that the even the pit would spit out. "Megatron!"

"Oh, save the dramatic prattling for that little organic glitch busy tearing Shockwave a new tailpipe." He spat, drawing his blade.

"Hey, man! I wouldn't do THAT! That's GROSS!" Pen called from where she kicked Shockwave in the face.

Optimus pulled out his axes. That's right, y'all. Fate of the world? Check. Dramatic Optimus Prime speech? Check. Huge battle? Check. Dramatic finishing battle between OP and Megatron? Checka-lecka-ding-dong.

The two went right after it, rushing eachother with their blades. Sparks flew as the metal clashed, and millions of people gazed on speechless in pure awe.

* * *

><p>"YEAH-YO!" Pen had finished annoying Shockwave and had shaped herself some wings, taking to the skies with Sari to help beat Jetfire, Jetstorm, and Swoop beat the crap out of the air support. Kahmelion formed her own wings, backed them up with a katana and covered them with a paper shield.<p>

The weaponry wasn't a problem. Between Pen and Kahmelion's paper shots and blade, Sari's energon blades, the twins' and swoop's guns, they were making good headway, however outgunned they were. But, the real problem they were facing in the skies was keeping their guard. The paper could be made rock-hard, but the blasts often exploded, so they would have to pull down the paper shield to avoid it burning and therefore becoming useless. A few times while Kahmelion had to take down the shield to set it back up again, a pulsar blast grazed the tip of her left wing.

"You guys, are defenses aren't really good enough!" Kahmelion shouted over the racket going on below.

"I know!" Pen said. "But we haven't gotten shot down YET!" She laughed, firing more paper to have it make it's mark, slicing off Ramjet's right wing.

Sari and Safeguard focused on the rest of the seekers and flying Autobots, while Slipstream soared _right_ up to Pen.

"You little glitch…"

"Sorry, girlfriend." Pen cocked the portion of the script she was holding.

"You're still coming to my construction-date party, right?"

"Bet your sweet bippy." Pen fired, and the femme jet went down. Ah, frenemies.

"…uh-"

"I'll tell later." Pen answered Kahmelion. Come on, we've got everything taken care of up here, we need to regroup down-"

Sari screamed. "PEN! LOOK OUT!" right before the girl had the wind knocked out of her.

Pen was punched right in the gut, with a force so strong it ripped away the paper that was holding her wings and causing her to drop the paper she had been using as gun power. Whoever or whatever delivered the blow then grabbed her around the waist and held something long and sharp to her throat. "Reala…"

"Pen…"

The Nightmaren held her up in the air for a while, until some of her teammates on the ground noticed. Optimus even glanced up to see why the fighting had stopped, and was tackled and pinned down by Megatron, who kept a colossal foot pressed into the mech's chassis.

The prince surveyed the scene. Many Decepticons and even some autobots were down. Jazz was actually in the process of kicking Lugnut in the face. In fact, he'd stopped mid-air…feh. Ninjas.

"Everybody, drop your weapons."

There was a pause. I think one fan from the sidelines tossed down a cheese grater. The autobot side looked up with shock. The decepticons with smirks and disbelief.

"NOW!" Reala barked.

"Guys, I don't think he's joking!" Clive tossed down his lance. Bumblebee put away his stingers, and all of them put away any guns or armament they had. Megatron was furious. He called in a rage, "How DARE you give orders, scum!"

"That means YOU TOO, glitchhead." The nightmaren spat. Now, I would suggest you all stand still and don't try anything while I go and take my prize.

"…ok, what's goin' on here?" Wreck-gar stared up, oblivious.

Reala laughed that icy chuckle of his. "You're standing on a mine field, suckers~!"

Everybody froze instantly…well, except for people in the sky.

"Vait…" Jetfire began. "How iz zat to be affecting us who are up here?"

"Ve could be eazily ztopping you." Jetstorm finished.

"Also, how the heck did they drive onto the minefield and stay on there, fighting for so long without being blown to bits already?" Kahmelion added. Sari bonked her on the head. "STOP MAKING SENSE YOU GUYS!"

It was then he reached in his hat and pulled out a small remote control. "Well, they weren't _armed_ before, DUH. And you're supposed to be the _smart_ one." The nightmaren rolled his eyes. Kahmelion wanted SO badly to punch him in the face right now.

"You slagging little scum of a traitor!" Megatron aimed his other arm, carrying his gun upwards to him, but it was blasted out of his hand.

"Oh, you'll break my heart. Besides, it wouldn't be the first time for you, now would it?" Reala shook his head, and held up the remote. "So, Let me tell you right now. I'm going to fly out of your weapons' range with my fiancé. Next, I'll get out of here and we live a happy life together."

"Uh, NO FRIKKIN' WAY!" Pen snarled. "You really think they're going to fall for that?"

"They will if they want you alive." He smirked.

"…are you kidding me?" She asked in all seriousness. "In all of your plot twists in the history of the time I've known you, this has got to be the cheesiest, most predictable-"

He hit her in the face. "Any other quips, or can we get this over with. Like I said, try to move, and the mines will destroy you all."

"Riiiiight…" Pen shifted her eyes. "Look over there! A supermodel!"

No reaction but an cold gaze.

"Look, a hoverboard!...LOOK THE APOCALYPSE!...uh…SOMEONE GOT HIT IN THE BOINGLOINGS!"

He just rolled his eyes and shook his head-as did most of everyone below and in the skies if they weren't facepalming.

"Hit in the boingloings. Boingloings…boingloings…someone got hit in them…" Pen looked for SOME sign of something she could do. Then, she saw a rustling in the trees. A familiar purple form emerged, quick as lightning, flying towards her.

"PEACE OUT!" She raised her knees to her chest and kicked back, causing him to double over in pain and drop her. She caught the remote and landed on the hood of Skywarp. "Phew. Thanks for the lift, buddy."

"N…n-no problem." He spoke, and then transformed back into bot-mode, holding her in his hands as they hovered safely to the ground. "Y-you deactivated it right?"

"Yup~!" and she smashed the control over he knee for good measure. "Wait…you got your wing blasted! HOW did you fly up and get me?"

Skywarp laughed. "ha. Well, it's a long story and-"

"FREEZE!" There wasn't one Decepticon who wasn't incapacitated or had a weapon in their face, and that included Skywarp.

Optimus, who'd gotten Megatron off of him in the whole "boingloing" distraction(at least Pen was always good for one thing. He'd have to ask her later what boingloings were) and had HIM with an axe to the throat, pointed his other axe at Skywarp, as did Bee with one of his stingers and a _largely _ticked-off Bulkhead with his wrecking-ball. "You have THREE SECONDS to drop the girl and explain yourself."

"I-I-uh…I…I just-DON'T HURT ME!" Skywarp squeaked out and crouched down.

"Um, guys?" Kahmelion landed. "She obviously seems to trust him, he's obviously not a threat."

"STOP MAKING SENSE, KAHMELION!" the entire cast demanded.

"Guys, wait!" Pen held up her arms. "Don't hurt him! He's _special._" She insisted. "Skywarp, put me down, please." He did as she asked. "See? No harm. This right here's the dude that helped me COUNTLESS time while I was captured, and continued to do so to reach you guys. AND he just saved me from crashing into the ground and likely dying."

"You want us to trust a slagging DECEPTICON?" Ratchet cocked an optic ridge.

Bulkhead…put down his Wrecking-ball. "I trust him." He said, but not without begrudging reluctance.

"What the scrap, Bulkhead!" Bumblebee looked at his friend as if he'd outfitted a third servo and five more legs.

"Pen trusts him, and I trust her. She's bat crazy, but she has pretty good judgment."

Then others turned their weapons to keeping the real villains at hand…well, at hand.

Reala finally hit the ground, clutching his middle, with his face screwed-up in pain. Kahmelion and Sari but took him by the shoulders and were about to give him the biggest whaling of his life…but he vanished like a d-bag.

"Alright, where'd he go!" Sari crossed her arms.

"…when you think about it, if he had the power to warp all along, why didn't he just do that to get Pen out of here?" Kahmelion raised an eyebrow

"…Dramatic effect? The techno-organic replied. "I dunno, you really gotta stop making sense."

Jazz and the twins got all the Decepticons secured-save Skywarp, and Optimus came up to thank him.

"So…you're the mech we have to thank for keeping her online all this time?"

"To be honest, Prime…" Skywarp suddenly became very interested with his feet. "She's the one who saved me. I…was a coward…"

"Skywarp." She chopped the back of his leg. "You stood up for what was right regardless of opposition, you saved my life regardless of opposition SEVERAL times, and you're here, standing by us even now. To me, that's the OPPOSITE of cowardice." She walked over to where the Decepticons were all in stasis cuffs.

"Kinda reminds you of that poem we learned in English class." Khamelion remarked as she saw the look in Pen's eyes as she looked over these mechs and femme that could have –under any other circumstances- been her friends.

"Had he and I but met

by some old ancient inn,

we should have set us down to wet

right many a nipperkin!

But ranged as infantry,

And staring face to face,

I shot at him as he at me

And killed him in his place.

I shot him dead because...

Because he was my foe.

My foe, of course he was.

That's clear enough, although

He thought he'd 'list, perhaps,

Off-hand like, just as I…

Was out of work-had sold his traps…

No other reason why.

Yes, quaint and curious war is.

You shoot a fellow down

You'd treat if met where any bar is

Or help to half a crown." -Thomas Hardy. She finished her gaze, and turned back to her autobot friends.

"ENOUGH with the drama, mistress." Her minions hugged her. "Let's just get back home."

* * *

><p>Minominee was abuzz with the craziest sort of excitement and madness you could imagine as they pulled in. The autobots rolled into the finish line, and cannons of confetti went off. People threw streamers from their windows, fireworks were shot into the skies. Pen woke up-she'd been catching up on her z's on the ride there- to a roaring crowd. She, Kahmelion, Clive, Phantom, Thing, Optimus's team and Sari, Jazz and the Jet Twins, Elita-1 and the Dinobots, Wreck-Gar, and Wasp were given a HUGE hero's welcome. Keroro had already gone back to his demension. As it turns out, he was the one who called Kururu on the Kero ball and got him to fix Skywarp and then get himself back home. The town was in celebration for the whole night, as well as the rest of the country AND the world. There were people dancing in the streets. The decepticons were picked up by Sentinel, who reported to have them lifted back to cybertron -also telling Magnus that HE had done it. However, Magnus was not without Earth transmission feed. Sentinel was DEMOTED~! When Jazz got back, HE'D be team leader. Good had once again triumphed over evil, and it was pretty slaggin' sweet.<p>

* * *

><p>Pen sat on the balcony of the hotel room. The mayor had given them a nice suite. They had some sweet digs, and she should have been sleeped more soundly than any of them.<p>

However, she just wasn't getting there. She heard someone- or rather, some bot- down below.

"Couldn't sleep either, big guy?"

"Yeah." Bulkhead replied. "Mostly because you can't.

"I'm sorry for making you guys worry." She said, stepping into the hand that reached up for her. They sat together a while.

"By the way, just where WERE they hiding you? We looked everywhere. We never stopped."

"Oh! The mines."

The two could almost hear a small, rabbit-looking plushie upstairs mumble "I TOLD YOU SO" in his sleep. Pen laughed.

"…It's great to have you back, Pen." Bulkhead said. "I…I really missed you…"

"Not a day went by I didn't think of you guys…by the way…about that…there's something I gotta tell you."

"What?" He looked into her brown eyes. "What's wrong?"

"You see…I gotta leave again."

"WHAT! Where!"

"SH! You'll wake everyone up." There was a pause, and as the snoring continued, she continued. "You see, me and my friends have to go back home. To OUR world."

"Why?"

"Well…we have responsibilities. Also, there are tons of places we still have to go. To travel and explore. We had to leave some time, key lime."

The mech paused for a bit. "Then I'll go with you!" he blurted.

"Dude, you have responsibilities too. Your team needs you." She tried to calm him down. "Besides, it's not like we're never going to see eachother again. I'll come back to visit loads of time, and you can even visit us in our world. Ok?"

"yeah…but…"He scratched the back of his head.

"Dude." She held up her fist for a fistbump. "You and me are TO tight." And they did fistbump. "I'm gonna miss you."

…

"So, what are you going to do about Skywarp?"

"Well…" She scratched the back of her head. "He'd probably have no other option, seeing as he's currently unaligned. And I doubt your higher command would consider him. And I won't be able to stop Wreck-gar from tagging along."

"…but you won't bring ME along?" His face darkened. He'd just gotten his friend back, and now she was leaving and listing people she'd rather accompany her.

"You KNOW it's not like that." She hugged him the best she could. "Like I said, I'm not going to take you away from the team you have. You have people who need you way more than I do here."

"Alright." He retreated. A pale orange was coming up in the sky. "The sun's rising…"

"Yeah…" Pen stared on. It was just plain beautiful. Ok, if she didn't look like Deathly Hallows part 2 Harry before, she REALLY looked like it now.

* * *

><p>The Autobots and Sari, Elita-1 and the dinobots stood there as the sun rose into the sky. Team PaperWyngz stood together, ready to depart with their formerly decepticon friend and bat-crazy garbage truck.<p>

Ratchet stood and faced them. "Well, Pen, Kahmelion, Clive, all you haywire sparkplugs…when I first met you, you seemed like annoying, bat-crazy protoforms. Now…now I look at you as great allies. You take care of yourselves, you hear?"

Pen hugged the old mech. "We'll miss you too, old fart. Sensei Prowl?" She bowed to her ninja teacher, who returned the gesture. "Bomanos, amigos."

"A liscenced Mary-Sue and a hero." Sari crossed her arms. "You come by if you ever wanna TRY and beat my high score."

"Alright." Pen nodded. "Well, we're off…I guess…" Wasabi Ed, from his position in Pen's arms, started playing music out of his maw again.

"ugh." Kahmelion facepalmed. "Can we just GO already?"

Nope. Wreck-Gar took the mike. "Hey Gloria,

Are you standing close to the edge?"

"He's not going to…" Optimus raised an optic ridge.

"Yes, it would appear so." Prowl answered.

"Look out at the rising sun,

brink of your vision.

Eternal youth

Is a landscape of a lie.

The cracks in my skin can prove

As the years will testify."

Skywarp amped his own voice. "Say your prayers and light a fire

We're gonna start a war.

Your slogans, 'A gun for hire,'

It's what we waited for."

"Hey Gloria.

This is why we're all on the edge.

The fight of our lives has drawn this undying love."

Pen pulled out her guitar and got ready to rock. The music picked up, and all the autobots joined in.

"Gloria!

Viva la Gloria!"

Ratchet took the mike. "You blast your name in graffiti on the walls."

"Falling in broken glass that's slashing through these spirits." Prowl continued the verse. "I can hear it like a jilted crowd."

"Gloria!

Where are you, Gloria?

You made your home in all your scars and ammunitions.

You made your bed in salad days amongst the ruins.

Ashes to ashes of our youth." Kahmelion then interjected that they were really just a few days shy of 16 years.

Bulkhead took over. "She's smashing knuckles into winter.

GLORIA

As autumn winds fade into black."

Skywarp thought it might be fitting to sing the next. "She's the saint of all the sinners.

The one that's fallen through the cracks." He indicated himself.

"So don't put away." Man, Prime had a great voice. "Your burning light!"

This time, Pen and the rest of team PaperWyngz joined the chorus. "GLORIA!

Where are you, Gloria?

Don't lose your faith to your lost naivete.

Weather the storm and don't look back on last November

When your banners were burning down.

Gloria! Viva la Gloria!"

Elita one sang. "Send me your amnesty down to the broken hearted."

"Bring us the season that we always will remember." The entire ensemble rang out. "Don't let the bonfires go out.

So Gloria.

Send out your message of

The light that shadows in the night." Pen gave Bulkead, Wasp, Swoop, Prowl, Ratchet, everyone their last hugs for the time.

"Gloria.

Where's your undying love?

Tell me the story of your life."

And so, this Poof Chronicle was over. Team PaperWyngz poofed away with new allies, and a new day was dawning.

"Your life!"

Yes, a new day was dawning.

* * *

><p>Pen sat at her computer. "Ugh…my EYES. It's like their barfing rainbows right now. Ah! Hey, readers-all THREE of you…anyway, thank you for reading Poof Chronicles 2: The Dorkcepticons. I hope you like this story, another chapter in me and my friends' travels through time and space. And, we got some new friends~!"<p>

"I must say…" Wreck-Gar sipped his oil. "These crumpets are most adequate. More tea, Skywarp?"

"I've had sufficient, thank you."

"Uh…riiiiiight…" Kahmelion scratched the back of her head. Clive came in, carrying the minions.

"Well, we had a right few turnes in this one, didn't we?" He said.

"yeah, but it was mostly just a fun brainfart lacking a plot, but loaded with ADVENTURE~!" Pen formed the "imagination" ranbow over her head. "Anyway, thank y'all for reading, and God bless. C ya later.

By the way, I claim ownership of NONE of the songs used in this fanfic, and I do admit parodying some scenes from stuff I like, like the whole Boingloings thing. Also, I don't own the transformers, and I don't own the character Clive.

Anyway, PEACE~!" And so, the happy writer went back to the mallow tea ceremony.


End file.
